There have been 363 spoof news stories published in May 2020. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: Words to the Wise: Top Ten Lockdown-Era Definitions You Need to Know NOW!

Words to the Wise: Top Ten Lockdown-Era Definitions You Need to Know NOW!

Granted, humans may have stopped evolving, but not language! Ever fluid, in this, the lockdown era, words and phrases have continued to morph and metastasize in ways that would have been nearly impossible to predict only months ago. Don’t be left...

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Funny story: Trump Supporter From The Start, Says He's Not So Sure Anymore

Trump Supporter From The Start, Says He's Not So Sure Anymore

A man who says he has supported Donald Trump from the very beginning of his political career, during his election, through the highs, lows, trials, tribulations and impeachment, and even his calamitous handling of the Coronavirus crisis, is now admit...

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Funny story: Trump Denies French Claims That Coronavirus Was Present In France In November

Trump Denies French Claims That Coronavirus Was Present In France In November

Donald Trump has refured French scientists' claims that the Coronavirus, initially thought to have originated in China in January, or even December, was present in France as far back ago as November. Trump said that this would not fit in with his...

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Funny story: Of Course Trump Can’t Wear A Mask

Of Course Trump Can’t Wear A Mask

Place after place that Donald Trump has visited, he fails to wear a mask. Few people question, Why? Others silently mumble to one another and snicker to themselves. Silly, if Donald Trump were to wear a mask, just imagine what would happen to his...

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Funny story: Don Lemon to Brett Kavanaugh: When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

Don Lemon to Brett Kavanaugh: When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

Brett Kavanaugh, Associate Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, appears to have finally learned his lesson from the MeToo Movement. In an interview ostensibly about the constitutional ramifications of Covid19 and the growing concern about the erosi...

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Funny story: Joe Biden Selects New York Governor Andrew Cuomo For His Vice President

Joe Biden Selects New York Governor Andrew Cuomo For His Vice President

Women around the country are protesting Joe Biden’s selection of Mario Cuomo’s son Andrew as his vice president. Women are upset, furious, taking out their pink vagina hats, putting them on, carrying placards and marching in cities across the nation.

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Funny story: Spoof Points Now Redeemable In Stores

Spoof Points Now Redeemable In Stores

There was a great amount of excitement from a small amount of people earlier this evening, when it was announced on satirical news website, TheSpoof.com, that the points writers are awarded for writing stories will soon be redeemable for cash values...

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Funny story: Clap Or Die

Clap Or Die

As the “Clap For Carers” movement gathers pace around the country, many hardcore Brexiteers are worried that it doesn’t go far enough, and are calling on the government to step in and enforce it on those who aren't joining in. Every Thursday even...

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Funny story: British Cabinet publicly applauds itself. "NHS are good, but we are something else!" claims Johnson

British Cabinet publicly applauds itself. "NHS are good, but we are something else!" claims Johnson

The Prime Minister and fellow Cabinet ministers staged a first, yesterday. Standing outside their respective London residencies, disgruntled about the lack of acclaim for their unique mismanagement of Covid 19, they vigorously applauded themselves. A...

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Funny story: Advanced Buddhist Walking Meditation Incorporates Chewing Gum

Advanced Buddhist Walking Meditation Incorporates Chewing Gum

For students comfortable with traditional walking meditation, Nashville meditation center Hurry Up and Sit introduced an advanced version, which also incorporates chewing gum. Like typical walking meditation, walking and chewing gum meditation involv...

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Funny story: Billboard Top 10 Music Chart - Sponsored By The Coronavirus

Billboard Top 10 Music Chart - Sponsored By The Coronavirus

The Coronavirus, COVID-19, that all-pervading nuisance that has entered into every facet of worldwide society on an unprecedented scale, has even left its indelible mark on, of all things, music. As the music-loving sector of the general public st...

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Funny story: CDC Explains that Flattened Curve Has Become Line Extending into Infinity Meaning Lockdown Can Never End

CDC Explains that Flattened Curve Has Become Line Extending into Infinity Meaning Lockdown Can Never End

Based on consultations with mathematical experts, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has determined that the successful “flattening of the curve” of coronavirus infections has resulted in a line extending into infinity, meaning that the C...

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Funny story: A Government Watchdog is Reporting That President Trump Gave Trump Towers a Hefty Federal Bailout Check

A Government Watchdog is Reporting That President Trump Gave Trump Towers a Hefty Federal Bailout Check

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Vox Populi News Agency is reporting that it has uncovered a memo that shows that the Donald Trump-owned Trump Towers was recently given a federal stimulus bailout check. The check (USA #7881803) shows that it was issued on M...

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Funny story: CDC Partners with Bayer AG to Disinfect the Woods

CDC Partners with Bayer AG to Disinfect the Woods

Cognizant that months of sheltering in place will have made people especially vulnerable to bacterial hazards, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has partnered with Bayer AG, which acquired what used to be Monsanto in June of 2018, to dis...

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Funny story: Manchester United: Harry Maguire Says Lockdown Should Be Optional

Manchester United: Harry Maguire Says Lockdown Should Be Optional

Seven weeks into the Coronavirus lockdown, and Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, has finally spoken out on the plight of the British public as they writhe and squirm in their homes, fidgeting to get out and into the pubs, shopping centres and...

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Funny story: Overweight Old Guy Who Paints Himself Orange Worried About How He Looks in a Mask

Overweight Old Guy Who Paints Himself Orange Worried About How He Looks in a Mask

Ypsilanti, Michigan - A recent visitor to the Ford manufacturing facility here was reported to be concerned that being seen in a protective mask, as is required by company and state policy to prevent spread of the coronavirus, might ruin his carefull...

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Funny story: Blabbermouth Woman Tells Her Neighbour She's "Been Saying This All Along"

Blabbermouth Woman Tells Her Neighbour She's "Been Saying This All Along"

A woman has told her neighbour that, despite all the expert medical Coronavirus advice being despatched on an almost-daily basis to the general public, she doesn't really need it, as it's exactly what she's been saying all along. Janice Frigg, who...

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Funny story: Table Tennis Bat Used To Be Red, But Just Look At The Fucking State Of It Now!

Table Tennis Bat Used To Be Red, But Just Look At The Fucking State Of It Now!

A man searching through some cardboard boxes of stuff that he had kept from his childhood, earlier today, unearthed his first table tennis bat, and was astonished to find that both the forehand and backhand rubber sections had changed from a beautifu...

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Funny story: Hemorrhoids Cases On The Rise, As Folks Sitting Around On Their Arses All Day Long

Hemorrhoids Cases On The Rise, As Folks Sitting Around On Their Arses All Day Long

Hemorrhoids, or 'piles' as they are more lovingly known, are on the increase, it's been claimed, and it's all down to the excessive amount of lounging around people are doing during the lockdown for the deadly Coronavirus. Hemorrhoids - sometimes...

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Funny story: Big Penis Is Becoming Flaccid

Big Penis Is Becoming Flaccid

In news that many will find scarcely believable, it's been reported that a change is afoot at Cerne Abbas, the Dorset village where a giant image of a man with a huge cock and balls dominates a chalk hillside - its penis is starting to droop. Init...

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Funny story: Liverpool FC Remaining Premier League Fixtures May Be Played On FIFA19

Liverpool FC Remaining Premier League Fixtures May Be Played On FIFA19

The difficult decision about how the Premier League season should come to its conclusion was thrown into further disarray this afternoon, when it was claimed PL executives were giving serious consideration to a suggestion that the critical remaining...

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Funny story: English Teacher Counted Windows In Condo Across The Road To Alleviate Boredom

English Teacher Counted Windows In Condo Across The Road To Alleviate Boredom

An English teacher at a school in Bangkok has revealed how, during lessons with a particularly difficult and unresponsive young child, he became so thoroughly bored, that he regularly counted the number of windows in the condominium opposite. The...

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Funny story: Self-Taught Epidemiologist Knows What's Good for America

Self-Taught Epidemiologist Knows What's Good for America

(Torrance, California) The eyes of a nervous and uncertain nation turned towards the West this week, as self-made billionaire, Elon Musk, took to the Internet to express his frustration with his state government’s lockdown orders, to preserve human l...

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Funny story: A Hooters Girl in Houston Claims That President Trump Fathered Her Twins

A Hooters Girl in Houston Claims That President Trump Fathered Her Twins

HOUSTON – As if Trump doesn’t have enough things to worry his big old orange head about, now comes this double-barreled revelation. A gorgeously sexy Hooters girl named Tiffany Deutschendorf, 28, is reportedly alleging that the president is the fa...

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Funny story: Wuhan Property Prices Take A Dive

Wuhan Property Prices Take A Dive

It's been a difficult four months for the Chinese city of Wuhan, the center of the Coronavirus outbreak, and every area of business has suffered, including the property market, where prices of houses, condominiums, apartments, and hovels have all tak...

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Funny story: Joe’s Wife Accuses Him Of Lying About His Golf Game

Joe’s Wife Accuses Him Of Lying About His Golf Game

BILLINGSGATE POST: Ultimately, truth matters. Although it is understandable that an old man can’t remember digitally penetrating an aide twenty-seven years ago - especially when one’s memory erase is set for two days - you best have your game plan t...

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Funny story: Tom Brady Talks About His New Tampa Bay Team Mate Rob Gronkowski, Oranges, Hurricanes, and His Political Aspirations

Tom Brady Talks About His New Tampa Bay Team Mate Rob Gronkowski, Oranges, Hurricanes, and His Political Aspirations

TAMPA BAY, Florida – Tom Brady recently spoke with Dottie Bazooka of Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine at his new Tampa Bay mansion, Casa Touchdown. Brady told Miss Bazooka, that he and his sexy, svelte wife, Gisele Bundchen, have totally fallen i...

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Funny story: Sweden to Be Extradited to United States for Violating American COVID-19 Guidelines

Sweden to Be Extradited to United States for Violating American COVID-19 Guidelines

The United States is taking steps to extradite the country of Sweden, which declined to impose a nationwide lockdown in response to the coronavirus pandemic and, instead, encouraged citizens to practice good judgment and limit contact with vulnerable...

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Funny story: CDC Reports Social Distancing Is Working! People Feeling More Distant than Ever

CDC Reports Social Distancing Is Working! People Feeling More Distant than Ever

Weeks into the COVID-19 lockdown, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention encouragingly reported that social distancing is working - as evidenced by the fact that people are feeling more distant than ever. “I’ve felt disconnected from frien...

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Funny story: Man Thought He Might Have Had An Ant In His Underpants

Man Thought He Might Have Had An Ant In His Underpants

A man who had severely itchy knackers, this morning, thought he might have had an ant in his underpants. The man, who spoke to me on condition of anonymity, said that he had been sat in the kitchen doorway of his home, talking to his wife, who was...

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Funny story: Pope Authorizes Social Distance Baptisms Using Water Pistols

Pope Authorizes Social Distance Baptisms Using Water Pistols

"Over our 2,000-year history, the Church has always adjusted," said Pope Francis, as he announced a major change in baptisms rituals and canonical law to reflect the coronavirus situation. According to the New Testament, Jesus of Nazareth was submer...

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Funny story: Sheep Object to Being Lumped in with Blindly-Following Americans

Sheep Object to Being Lumped in with Blindly-Following Americans

With some derogatorily categorizing the swathes of Americans paralyzed in blind, terrified acceptance of whatever the mainstream media tells them regarding the threat posed by COVID-19 as "sheeple," actual sheep are objecting to being lumped in with...

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Funny story: Trump's PC hacked

Trump's PC hacked

Well-known hacker group, Anonymous, today revealed they had beaten White House cyber security defences, and had taken a copy of Donald Trump"s personal computer. The computer's contents were later published on the internet. The unusually sparse P...

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Funny story: Men In White Suits Seen At White House

Men In White Suits Seen At White House

It may mean nothing at all whatsoever, but Washington, DC tongues have been set a-wagging in the capitol after a vanload of men in white suits turned up unannounced at 1600 Pensylvania Avenue, and were shown inside by what looked like Secret Service...

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Funny story: Tour De France Will Not Be Held 'Behind Closed Doors'

Tour De France Will Not Be Held 'Behind Closed Doors'

The Coronavirus may well have brought an abrupt end to most of the worldwide sporting programme, but the exotically-named French minister for sport, Roxana Maracineanu, has said that the 2020 Tour de France will not be held 'behind closed doors'.

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Funny story: Sir Elton John Has Taken Up The Trumpet

Sir Elton John Has Taken Up The Trumpet

Sir Elton John, the Godfather of Glam, the Pontiff of the Piano, and the Royal Blower of the Pink Oboe, has said he has been busy during the current lockdown in respect of the Coronavirus, and has written several new songs employing his new musical l...

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Funny story: Trump sings Chinese National Anthem in major diplomatic row

Trump sings Chinese National Anthem in major diplomatic row

A major diplomatic row has blown up between the Unites States and China as a result of a version of the Chinese National Anthem sung by President Donald Trump today in Washington DC. Trump decided to sing the English language version of the anthe...

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Funny story: Trump Holds News Conference With Single Fox News Reporter About Coronavirus Origin and Treatments

Trump Holds News Conference With Single Fox News Reporter About Coronavirus Origin and Treatments

Washington - After his daily Covid-19 news conferences with multiple White House correspondents and reporters resulted in embarrassingly ridiculous comments being disseminated to the public and questioned by the incredulous attendees, President Donal...

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Funny story: Late-Breaking Progressive News: Sugar Is Bad for You; Government Surveillance Is Necessary to Keep You from Getting Sick; Trump Is Not a Good President.

Late-Breaking Progressive News: Sugar Is Bad for You; Government Surveillance Is Necessary to Keep You from Getting Sick; Trump Is Not a Good President.

Providing a progressive perspective on lifestyle and current events, independent news show Common Nonsense recently broke several revelatory stories, beginning with news that certain studies suggest that sugar might not be very good for you. “Cont...

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Funny story: Jilted John Single Out On May 22

Jilted John Single Out On May 22

Jilted John, the man who ruled the music world with his 1978 hit single, 'Jilted John', through which he relentlessly told listeners "Gordon is a moron", has the song re-released on May 22 - the artist's 61st birthday - with slightly different lyric...

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Funny story: Lockdown Opens Doors for Key Workers

Lockdown Opens Doors for Key Workers

LOCKSMITHS have reported booming sales since the start of the coronavirus pandemic. While many businesses have been struggling during the tight restrictions, key workers have never been so busy. Reg Dwight, owner of key-cutting and lock fitting...

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Funny story: Foreman Slams Mike Tyson Comeback Bid

Foreman Slams Mike Tyson Comeback Bid

Former world champion heavyweight boxer, Mike Tyson, 53, known as "Iron" Mike Tyson because of his obsession with iron and ironing (he has everything made out of iron in his semi-detached house in Torquay, Devon - even his clothes iron is entirely ma...

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Funny story: Shame On You Mitch McConnell

Shame On You Mitch McConnell

Shame on you, Mitch McConnell, for saying, “Let blue states go bankrupt!” Since when are blue states the enemy? Huh? When doctors and nurses treat patients in the ER, do doctors and nurses first question whether the patient is a Republican or...

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Funny story: Cat Walks In On Man Masturbating

Cat Walks In On Man Masturbating

In an incident in which both parties involved would like to quickly forget, Mike, a black and white 'tuxedo' cat, inadvertently witnessed his owner masturbating in front of his laptop. "It was humiliating," said Duncan Whitehead, Mike's owner,...

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Funny story: Britt Ekland: "Peter Sellers Was a Very Tormented Soul" - the Online Forum Speaks Out

Britt Ekland: "Peter Sellers Was a Very Tormented Soul" - the Online Forum Speaks Out

The Guardian - Britt Ekland Speaks About Life With Peter Sellers: "He Was A Very Tormented Soul" Chick2001 Surely its' is time Brit Egland shut's up. Aftur awl, how olde is she? Anshunt. Prehysterical. An she needs to get a reefand off her plas...

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Funny story: Jared Kushner Secures Bargain Buy on 500 Million Use N 95 Masks

Jared Kushner Secures Bargain Buy on 500 Million Use N 95 Masks

Jared "The Cush" Kushner has worked out a deal with several Trump trading partners to secure N95 masks that would have "just been heading to the incinerator". "Absolutely no reason to waste these perfectly good masks," said Kushner, "It's just am...

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Funny story: Nana Not Really That Bothered If She Can't See Grandchildren Ever Again

Nana Not Really That Bothered If She Can't See Grandchildren Ever Again

Self-isolating grandmother, Betty Barnes, has confided to one of her sons, that she "isn't really that arsed" if she never sees two of her grandchildren again due to restrictions imposed as a result of the COVID-19 virus. "I'll be honest; it's qui...

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Funny story: Trump's Facemask Appears To Be Secured By Elastic That Passes Straight Through His Head

Trump's Facemask Appears To Be Secured By Elastic That Passes Straight Through His Head

The big news is that, finally, President Donald Trump has been persuaded to 'do the right thing', take medical advice, and wear a facemask. The really big news is that his facemask appears to be secured by slotting the elastic strap into his ears,...

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Funny story: President Trump's Facemask Speaks Out

President Trump's Facemask Speaks Out

The facemask being worn by US president, Donald Trump, has broken its silence, and spoken out about what it calls "the worst job in the world", preventing the Coronavirus entering Trump's nose and mouth. President Trump had resisted all attempts t...

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Funny story: Howard Stern Tells Donald Trump He Needs To Resign and Pretty Damn Soon

Howard Stern Tells Donald Trump He Needs To Resign and Pretty Damn Soon

NEW YORK CITY – There was a time, not too long ago, when radio personality, Howard Stern, and President Trump were as close as scrotum balls. But then the wind shifted, and they had a flagrant falling out. And now, shock jock Stern says that it...

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Funny story: New Covid-19 App to be trialled on Isle of Wight

New Covid-19 App to be trialled on Isle of Wight

In some exciting news, the Isle of Wight has been selected by the UK Government to act as a testbed for the new UK Covid-19 Tracing App. This marvellous technology will allow the IOW to re-open for business by using phones to track where everybody...

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Funny story: Trump Announces Tremendous Hope For Coronavirus Cure

Trump Announces Tremendous Hope For Coronavirus Cure

US President Donald Trump raised the hopes of US citizens yet again, yesterday, with what he called "tremendous positive news" about research into a cure for the deadly coronavirus. "We've been looking at the moon", he told reporters at yesterday'...

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Funny story: The Pied Piper of The Potomac Disbands The Coronavirus Task Force, Then Unbands It, Then Disbands It Yet Again

The Pied Piper of The Potomac Disbands The Coronavirus Task Force, Then Unbands It, Then Disbands It Yet Again

WASHINGTON, D.C. – POTUS really had the White House news media jumping as he showed them an exercise in Ficklism 101. "The Pied Piper of The Potomac" said emphatically that the Coronavirus Task Force was over, and that it had left the building, ju...

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Funny story: Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire To Present Podcast From His Back Garden

Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire To Present Podcast From His Back Garden

The Coronavirus and the subsequent lockdown may well have put paid to the football season, but Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, is doing his best to keep fans' spirits up by recording a weekly podcast from his very own b...

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Funny story: Joe Biden Says That Tara Sara is an Even Bigger Liar That Old “Grab ‘em By The-You-Know-What” Trump

Joe Biden Says That Tara Sara is an Even Bigger Liar That Old “Grab ‘em By The-You-Know-What” Trump

DOVER, Delaware – Joe Biden said that, if he had a nickel for everytime that someone falsely accused him of being inappropriate, he would probably have over 6,000 nickels. Biden spoke with Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight, and commented th...

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Funny story: Americans Confused as to whether Getting Coronavirus Is Good or Bad

Americans Confused as to whether Getting Coronavirus Is Good or Bad

Many Americans are confused as to what fate awaits them if they become infected with the coronavirus and then recover. Will they be a pariah or superhuman? Hero or social outcast? Gasping for air or immune for life? “If I find out I’ve had it, wi...

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Funny story: Lionel Richie Told It Wasn't Him You Were Looking For

Lionel Richie Told It Wasn't Him You Were Looking For

Lionel Richie, the American Idol judge and former chart-topping soul singer who had a number 1 hit single with 'Hello' back in 1983, has received formal notification that the person to whom the song was being sung, was not looking for him. Richie,...

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Funny story: Coronavirus: Things We Should Expect To Happen Next

Coronavirus: Things We Should Expect To Happen Next

The Coronavirus, COVID-19, is said to have surfaced in Wuhan, China, in January this year, but French scientists claim that patients on whom they ran tests in November 2019, were already carrying the virus. So far, we know very little about it as...

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Funny story: Man Fulfils Lifetime Ambition While Working From Home

Man Fulfils Lifetime Ambition While Working From Home

The coronavirus lockdown has been a huge challenge worldwide, and the United Kingdom - and the Isle of Wight in particular - has been no exception. But there are silver linings inside these COVID Clouds. The UK is currently celebrating Brexit i...

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Funny story: Factory Worker Wants Lockdown To Go On Forever

Factory Worker Wants Lockdown To Go On Forever

A factory operative who has now been at home for six weeks due to the Coronavirus lockdown, has said that he doesn't mind "one bit", and that he hopes it goes on indefinitely. Tatty Mullett, who works at a company making toilet seats, said that, a...

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Funny story: A Drive-Thru Pole Dancing Club in Austin is Making a Killing

A Drive-Thru Pole Dancing Club in Austin is Making a Killing

AUSTIN, Texas – The owner of the Thirsty Beaver Nightclub had shut down his business due to the Coronavirus. But Randy Dewdibbler soon found a way to observe the social distancing rule, and make lots of money at the same time. Randy and his sec...

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Funny story: A Hairstylist in Iowa Exposes 317 Clients To The Coronavirus

A Hairstylist in Iowa Exposes 317 Clients To The Coronavirus

SIOUX CITY, Iowa – One of the most uncaring, negligent individuals in the entire nation has just been arrested. Spaulding K. Pintucker, 40, who has worked as a hairstylist at the Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow Hair Saloon for 18 years, told authoritie...

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Funny story: Kim Jong-un is Shipping an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile To Puerto Rico

Kim Jong-un is Shipping an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile To Puerto Rico

PYONGYANG, North Korea – The Supreme Leader of the supreme country of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, told the Korean News Agency that he will be shipping a brand new missile to Puerto Rico. The Kimster said that the missile is still in the box, and it...

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Funny story: Music no music fan wants

Music no music fan wants

Following news that Amanda Holden, the TV presenter and former wife of an impressionist, has released her own version of Over the Rainbow, rich people up and down the fame ladder are also to release their own music, produced at home during the lockdo...

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Funny story: Expert Denounces US and UK Leaders as Coronavirus Crisis Continues

Expert Denounces US and UK Leaders as Coronavirus Crisis Continues

The USA and the UK are leading the world in terms of an unwanted statistic: the number of coronavirus deaths. And in the wake of this, the leaders of both great nations have come under the searching scrutiny of a leading expert, who has exposed th...

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Funny story: White House Reporters are Reporting That When Kayleigh McEnany Lies She Begins to Lisp and Her Nostrils Flare Up

White House Reporters are Reporting That When Kayleigh McEnany Lies She Begins to Lisp and Her Nostrils Flare Up

WASHINGTON, D.C. – It seems that the White House reporters have discovered a little idiosyncrasy regarding press secretary, Kayleigh “The Keibler Elf” McEnany. The iNews Agency’s Kitty Segovia reported that she has noticed that, whenever Kayleigh...

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Funny story: Preppers refuse to stay at home during emergency

Preppers refuse to stay at home during emergency

Michigan, US. So-called "preppers" have spent years stockpiling and preparing for a widespread crisis like the current pandemic. Yet many of them are refusing to follow their own plans to stay indoors. "This ain't it," said survivalist Wyoming Geo...

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Funny story: Travel Review: Isle of Man

Travel Review: Isle of Man

On stepping off the ferry in the quaint port of Douglas, my phone sent me a nice message telling me I was now data roaming. At first I thought that this was because I was in a different country, but it wasn't. It was because I was now in a different...

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Funny story: Wife Doesn't Know How Husband Is Going To Pay Off Her Credit Card Debt

Wife Doesn't Know How Husband Is Going To Pay Off Her Credit Card Debt

Gissell Whitehead, age unknown, confided to reporters, late Friday, that she has no idea how her husband, Duncan, is supposed to earn enough money to pay off her $25,000 credit card debt. "I have gone through his bank statements, royalties, divide...

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Funny story: Politically Correct Woman (Almost) Uses Pandemic as Excuse Not to Reuse Plastic Bag

Politically Correct Woman (Almost) Uses Pandemic as Excuse Not to Reuse Plastic Bag

In the course of discarding the rinds of a watermelon she'd chopped up for consumption throughout the rest of the week, Polly Parker of Nashville, Tennessee, almost used the COVID-19 pandemic as an excuse not to reuse a several-year-old plastic groce...

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Funny story: Man Put So Much Vinegar On His Chips, That His Eyes Watered!

Man Put So Much Vinegar On His Chips, That His Eyes Watered!

A man who had chips for his tea on Friday evening, has revealed that he put such a large amount of vinegar on his chips, that, as he lowered his head slightly towards his plate to eat one which he had already speared with his fork, his eyes stung as...

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Funny story: Government's Online Covid-19 Press Conference Facility Taken Down After 30 Minutes

Government's Online Covid-19 Press Conference Facility Taken Down After 30 Minutes

An online government question submission form provided so that the general public might have their concerns aired at a press conference on the Coronavirus, has had to be taken offline, after it was abused by people asking the most stupid questions im...

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Funny story: Obscure mad scientist recognised at last

Obscure mad scientist recognised at last

Evolutionary scientist Geoff Murd has finally been recognised with a blue plaque for his work in genetics in the 1920s. Long after Lamarckian evolution had been disproven, Murd decided to try to prove it was actually true by a series of extraordinari...

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Funny story: CDC Joins Forces With Mosquito Joe for Targeted Virus Control

CDC Joins Forces With Mosquito Joe for Targeted Virus Control

As a number of states begin to loosen up their COVID-19 lockdowns, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has partnered with extermination service Mosquito Joe to help people rid their backyards of the coronavirus and other pests that could p...

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Funny story: Trump: Kentucky Could Make Battleships

Trump: Kentucky Could Make Battleships

AP--The Defense Production Act to order U.S. manufacturers to make equipment to fight the Coronavirus has been rejected by President Trump. He called on governors to make the masks, swabs, testing chemicals, and ventilators, so shortages of these su...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson Says UK Lockdown Will Continue Until He, Himself, Is Suffering

Boris Johnson Says UK Lockdown Will Continue Until He, Himself, Is Suffering

The Coronavirus lockdown, which is now six weeks old, and already biting into the financial reserves of many small and medium-sized businesses, is set to continue, says Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who maintains that the arrangement will be kept in...

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Funny story: Trump Interview Sitting On Abraham Lincoln’s Lap

Trump Interview Sitting On Abraham Lincoln’s Lap

Trump initially wanted to be interviewed while sitting on Abraham Lincoln’s lap, but wiser heads prevailed. At first, Trump insisted it would be a great photo op. He could sit up there with his usual man-spread presenting a domineering position. The...

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Funny story: Elmer Smuckmeister Strikes Again

Elmer Smuckmeister Strikes Again

BILLINGSGATE POST: Elmer Smuckmeister was not your typical 80-year-old geezer. He was born at night, but not last night. Over the years, he hadn’t had much luck in his love life. There wasn’t much to choose from in his hometown of Beaver Crossing,...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Maintains Healthy Level of Panic over Coronavirus

Nashville Man Maintains Healthy Level of Panic over Coronavirus

“At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal – so what if I get sick, was my take on things,” said 28-year-old Matt Fisher of Nashville, Tennessee, regarding the widely publicized coronavirus pandemic. “But eventually, I came to realize I should have be...

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Funny story: UNMASKED: Biden Phone Calls To Cannabis Store Revealed

UNMASKED: Biden Phone Calls To Cannabis Store Revealed

BILLINGSGATE POST: In an exclusive to the BILLINGSGATE POST, it was revealed today that the CIA, FBI, NSA, The National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency and the Defense Intelligence Agency, all had been monitoring Joe Biden’s phone calls from the base...

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Funny story: Hardworking-Intended Americans Hope Coronavirus Pandemic Will Return US Jobs from China

Hardworking-Intended Americans Hope Coronavirus Pandemic Will Return US Jobs from China

(Providence, Rhode Island) It has become clear there are many economic and systemic changes that will need to be addressed after the current Coronavirus pandemic eases in the US. International travel policies, medical infrastructure, and even simpler...

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Funny story: Child's Birthday Cake Dropped On Way Back From Shop

Child's Birthday Cake Dropped On Way Back From Shop

There was panic afoot in one couple's minds this morning when, on their way back from a shopping trip to buy their young son a birthday cake, the motorbike they were riding had a minor skirmish with another motorbike, and the aforementioned cake was...

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Funny story: Obese Man Most Likely To Die First According To Family Sweepstake

Obese Man Most Likely To Die First According To Family Sweepstake

Fort Lauderdale man, Duncan Whitehead, is oblivious to the fact that he is the odds-on favorite to be the first of the Whitehead clan to die due to the Covid-19 virus, according to a 'book' opened by one of his brothers. Whitehead is totally unaw...

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Funny story: A Golfer Shoots 3 Holes-in-One in One Round

A Golfer Shoots 3 Holes-in-One in One Round

KILLARNEY, Ireland - A 69-year-old retired fishing net salesman, named McVey McSweeney, who said he hadn’t played golf in 13 years, accomplished an astonishing feat. “Old Mackie”, as the lads at the Draggin’ Dragon Pub call him, was playing at the...

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Funny story: Man Considering Going To Live In Greece

Man Considering Going To Live In Greece

A man who is no stranger to living in 'foreign parts' is mulling over his future this evening, after reading about just how easy it would be to relocate to the European paradise of Greece. Once the world centre of art, culture, and philosophical t...

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Funny story: McDonalds To Close All 2,700 Restaurants in China

McDonalds To Close All 2,700 Restaurants in China

CHICAGO – The McDonalds Corporation has just announced a decision that will not only resonate throughout China, but throughout San Francisco as well. After several power meetings, McDonalds has decided to close all of its restaurants in China.

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Funny story: Insightful Therapist Probes Client's Childhood Memories for Source of Her Neurotic Aversion to Government Surveillance

Insightful Therapist Probes Client's Childhood Memories for Source of Her Neurotic Aversion to Government Surveillance

“Did you have a major privacy violation as a child or teenager, like maybe someone sneaking into your room and reading your diary?” asked therapist Christina Carter, probing for the source of her client’s expressed reservations about the prospect of...

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Funny story: White House Runs Out Of Toilet Paper

White House Runs Out Of Toilet Paper

President Donald Trump declared a national emergency when he found out the White House had run completely out of toilet paper. He made the discovery when he was on the crapper performing a bowel movement. He ended up using the shower curtain to wip...

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Funny story: Killer kangaroos terrorise Australia

Killer kangaroos terrorise Australia

Police in all Australian states and territories are reporting gangs of kangaroos rampaging through major cities, robbing stores and killing people indiscriminately. From Sydney, where wild animals of any sort are rarely seen due to the lack of oxy...

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Funny story: Melania Catches Eric Trump Snapping Photos of Her as She Sat out by The Pool In Her Blue "Be Best" Bikini Swimsuit

Melania Catches Eric Trump Snapping Photos of Her as She Sat out by The Pool In Her Blue "Be Best" Bikini Swimsuit

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The temperatures hit the 90s, and the First Lady decided to put on her blue "Be Best" bikini swimsuit, and work on her suntan. Melania was sipping on a Diet 7-Up, and eating honey-roasted peanuts, as she lounged by the Olympic-s...

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Funny story: Hydroxychloroquine Has Driven Trump Crazy

Hydroxychloroquine Has Driven Trump Crazy

President Donald Trump said, Monday, he's been taking the drug hydroxychloroquine daily for a week and a half. "I take it because I hear very good things about it," Trump said at the White House press conference. He continued, “Sean Hannity told me...

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Funny story: Sears Employees Unaware of Pandemic Stay at Home Order

Sears Employees Unaware of Pandemic Stay at Home Order

(Williston, ND). Like Japanese soldiers holding out on remote islands after WWII, Sears employees in this sleepy North Dakota town were surprised to learn that their community was under a stay at home order, and has been for the past eight weeks. We...

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Funny story: Apple’s Latest Phone, “Mom’s Apple Pie” is Geared Towards the Woman on-the-Go

Apple’s Latest Phone, “Mom’s Apple Pie” is Geared Towards the Woman on-the-Go

NEW YORK CITY – Apple has finally listened to its customers, and will be coming out with a new phone geared to the American woman. The new phone called the “Mom’s Apple Pie” will have the capability of storing over 12 million recipes, 8.3 million...

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Funny story: Jimmy Kimmel to Host a Debate Between CNN’s Anderson Cooper and Fox News’ Sean Hannity

Jimmy Kimmel to Host a Debate Between CNN’s Anderson Cooper and Fox News’ Sean Hannity

LOS ANGELES – ABC has stated that they are finalizing the plans to have a debate on the virtual Jimmy Kimmel Show. Network executives have talked to both Anderson Cooper and Sean Hannity, and both men have agreed to appear on the show. Hannity...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson To Announce End Of UK Lockdown

Boris Johnson To Announce End Of UK Lockdown

Coronavirus News: According to a Downing Street source, Prime Minister Boris Johnson will, later this week, announce the government's blueprint for a total release of the UK lockdown that has been in place since Monday 23rd March. "Prime Minister...

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Funny story: Northern City To Undergo Namechange

Northern City To Undergo Namechange

In a rare dramatic event in East Yorkshire, council officials have, this morning, announced that the city of Kingston upon Hull is to undergo a namechange that will "more appropriately reflect the city's long history and cultural heritage, as well as...

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Funny story: Elon Musck To New Baby: Get A Job Kid!

Elon Musck To New Baby: Get A Job Kid!

Elon Musck and his wife welcomed their first child into the pandemic tired world yesterday. Musck who has had exceedingly little good to say about stay-at-home orders, was not about to let his newborn soften his stance. "She needs to get out on he...

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Funny story: Man Could Soon Be Eating Rice For Breakfast, Dinner And Tea

Man Could Soon Be Eating Rice For Breakfast, Dinner And Tea

An Englishman who, as a general rule, doesn't eat that much rice, has said that, before very much longer, he could quite easily be eating it for breakfast, dinner and tea. Indeed, he could be eating it in his sleep. The dire situation has come...

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Funny story: Department Of Justice Drops Lying Mike Flynn's Case

Department Of Justice Drops Lying Mike Flynn's Case

Donald J. Trump’s Department of Justice, under the supervision of Trump crony, Attorney General William Barr, has dropped charges against self-confessed perjurer, Michael T. Flynn, known as the originator of the, Lock her up, chant “He was framed...

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Funny story: Words You Might Not Be Familiar With

Words You Might Not Be Familiar With

The English language is a 'living language'; it grows, develops and changes. New words come into the language all the time, and are absorbed into it without so much as a blink of an eye. These include foreign words, and even slang words, or words...

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Funny story: Captain Tom Outlines Plans For Money

Captain Tom Outlines Plans For Money

Captain Tom Moore, the man who has raised more than £32million by walking around his garden, was 100 years old on Thursday, and spent yesterday talking to journalists about the massive amount of cash donated by the public, and what he's going to do w...

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