"Local Teen Wrecked Time Continuum!" Says Eccentric Inventor
A local teen out for a decades-long joy-ride lost control of the vehicle he was driving and slammed into a duplex, totaling it. The vehicle was also a total loss. Martin McFly, 18, was taken into custody without incident and booked on charges of reck…Read full story
Cockney 'Sparra', ex-'Barra Boy', Clive 'Wide-Boy' Danton, arises from the ashes and out of his scrapyard!
(NOT EDITED) Once infamous spoofer, now terrorising punters in his scrapyard in the vicinity of Bow Bells, and on Facebook, Clive 'Wide-Boy' Danton, has reappeared with his incredible, indecipherable, bag of goodies filled with vintage Cockney humour…Read full story
How To Deal With A Nosy Cunt - Lesson 1
When people at gatherings and parties etc., ask how my wife and I met, I like to go into this elaborate lie where I say she was a bridesmaid at my original wedding, and my girlfriend's best friend at the time, and that we hooked up on the actual wedd…Read full story
'Awesome' conversation overheard outside a pub in Birmingham, UK!
(NOT EDITED) We stand outside the Red Dragon boozer in downtown Birmingham with our ears pricked! "Hey Tommy, your name is now famous all over the globe, it's a Netflix thing!" "Yep, I know, Bobby, lassies won't leave me alone, but they're dis…Read full story
How To Deal With A Nosy Cunt - Lesson 5
When people at gatherings and parties etc, whom I don't know, ask me how I am doing, I like to reply that "I'm not doing so good, actually. I went to the doctor and he told me I had probably only a couple of weeks to live." I say I asked him what was…Read full story
A Person Of Interest
After the most recent shooting in Colorado, the police walked a man down the street, with hands cuffed behind his back, wearing only a pair of black shorts, and he had blood covering his right leg. He was referred to as a person of interest. I…Read full story
British Women Have British Men Cornered
Late News: After Brexit, British women feel they have British men strapped under their umbrellas and boxed in under their control, because men are now unable to escape the British Isles to get romantic relief from extremely amorous French and Spanish…Read full story
Conversations With My Peruvian Wife: Number 2.
THE MONSTERS/FRANKENSTEIN Date: March 15th, 2021. Location: Home, watching TV. Weather Conditions: Sunny. Mental State: Slightly high. Gissell: Did you have that show 'The Frankensteins' in England? Me: Come again? Gissell: The Fran…Read full story
Grandchildren Critical Of 95-Year-Old Grandmother
Sharper than a serpent’s tooth. Two grandchildren who never held a 9 to 5 job, but were gifted with homes, designer wardrobes, horses, servants, nannies, free travel around the world, and breakfast in bed every morning, are complaining because, gosh,…Read full story
Conversations With My Peruvian Wife: Number 1.
DAVID BOWIE Date: March 2nd, 2021. Location: Car, listening to the radio. Weather Conditions: Sunny. Mental State: Normal. *Gigi singing along to Heroes by David Bowie which is playing on the radio. Me: You know David Bowie isn't…Read full story
Smuckmeister On Cuomo: Put A Saddle On That Jackass And Ride Him Outa Here
BILLINGSGATE POST: Elmer Smuckmeister, the conscience of Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, thought he had seen it all. A rector in the Beaver Crossing Unity Church, Elmer was not perfect. To the contrary: Just lately, during a snow storm, he had dressed u…Read full story
President Joe Biden Trips Climbing Air Force One Steps
So, Joe Biden tripped climbing the steps of Air Force One? Holy cow! Get the ambulance, strap him to a stretcher, time for the retirement home. But send the trip through the loop every half-hour, on Fox News, follow with a debate about Biden's me…Read full story
How To Deal With A Nosy Cunt - Lesson 2
When people at gatherings and parties etc., ask how many kids I have, I like to reply that I have three beautiful daughters and one really ugly one. I then elaborate that she truly is minging, I mean fucking horrendous-looking, like I wouldn't wish…Read full story
Brit anthropologists investigate the gradual extinction of a 'Rare Breed' of Homo-sapiens residing next to Bow Bells!
(NOT EDITED) Brit anthropologists are studying the gradual extinction a rather strange breed who once resided in the East End of London in an attempt to discover why they are gradually disappearing from the planet! Here are some explanations: C…Read full story
How To Deal With A Nosy Cunt - Lesson 3
When people at gatherings and parties etc., ask how my wife and I met, I like to go into this elaborate lie where I say that, albeit I was a stranger, I was a kidney donor who matched her then husband's blood type, and was a perfect match. I then…Read full story
The Suicide Tooth: A Source of Angst for Certain Professionals
A spy entering a foreign country on a covert mission may be captured and interrogated under torture. To prevent the revelation of information that could destroy a network of critical assets, a suicide tooth may have been implanted in the spy's jaw. O…Read full story
Ice Cream Maker Brought Vagina Cream Mainstream
The Great British Ice Cream Company food scientists explain how they created the new vulva Phish Food flavor by unlocking the secrets to their Vagina Cream Swirl. Male and lesbian customers were nothing but grateful when The Great British Ice C…Read full story
Signs That You Might Be A Latent Cuomosexual
BILLINGSGATE POST: If you don’t know whether you’re a Cuomosexual, you probably have never questioned a gal half your age if she ever had sex with a geriatric. Perhaps you have never asked a naive little chickadee if she would “just let you hang it…Read full story