Immature And Extremely Sadistic Author Trapped Inside His Own Short Story Still Screaming To Get Out
Sources recently confirmed that 43-year-old Jared Wall (an extremely immature and sadistic asshole who thoroughly enjoys writing pointlessly cruel short stories in which helpless characters suffer tremendously before they die) has been missing since...Read full story
Hands Off The Threads, Creep
BILLINGSGATE POST: It was right out of Guys and Dolls. Nathan Detroit was Frank Sinatra, and Frank Sinatra was Nathan Detroit. This was in 1955, when girls were broads because they didn’t know no different. They smoked cigarettes, wore pink dresses...Read full story
It’s a Sad Sad Sad Sad World: A Review
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was sad. If anyone wanted to know why, she explained that impeaching the president was a sad but necessary thing to do. To reinforce the idea that she was sad, the Speaker of the House had donned a funereal, black mid-calf...Read full story
Aren't there enough weirdos in politics as it is?
In the latest of a seemingly more regular slot, 78-and-a-half-year-old man, Ray Ving, gives us his opinion on the important matters of the day. 'I was reading, as you do, the front page of The Times today. I didn't buy it, but I read it, which is...Read full story
Buckwalter “Bucky” Beaver Passes Away In Beaver Crossing
BILLINGSGATE POST: The Mayor of Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, Buckwalter “Bucky” Beaver III passed away at the age of 91 on January 1, 2020. He left three sons to share his estate; BuckaRoo, BuckaRay and BuckaRee. All shared the same nickname, “Bucky...Read full story
Ten Predictions Absolutely Certain to be True in the Next Decade
1. Baby Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials will all age at least ten years, although everyone will be able to deny it, as the socialist administrations of Presidents Sanders and Ocasio-Cortez, will offer free botox to anyone who needs it. And they wil...Read full story
Karmatic Alternatives To Impeachment For You-Know-Who.
Here are some possibilities for our Complainer in Chief to pay off his karma debt for throwing the Ukraine to the Russian wolves in not letting them have the military aid that was promised them when they needed it: Being embodied as a soldier at t...Read full story
Thoughts For The New Year
Since when has it been OK to put chocolate in breakfast cereal? If both cars and cows are contributing to global warming, why don't we just cut the problem in half and ride cows to work? If Donald Trump had been alive in the Roman times, would...Read full story
US Women Astronauts Set Space Records But Lack Reproduction Rights On Earth
A 40-year-old electrical engineer broke the 288-day record set by a former female space station commander in 2016-2017. The engineer is planning to spend a total of 328 days aboard the space station before returning to Earth. She has an additiona...Read full story
Facts about your anus
Here are some interesting facts you might not know about your anus. Your anus is the coldest place in the solar system. Your anus is tilted at 98 degrees. Your anus has its own atmosphere. Your anus is made up largely of ammonia and metha...Read full story
Wile E Monkey vs The Billingsgate Runner: Part I
BILLINGSGATE POST: This is right out of Looney Tunes. So hold on and enjoy the ride. And make way on the road, for The Billingsgate Runner is a bird built to scoot. Sadly, whether his demise comes from boulders or ACME Anvils, Wile E Monkey never...Read full story
Why not try Big Game Hunting in 2020?
It has risen massively in popularity during 2019, especially among people with too much time and money on their hands who really, really love animals. Why not go to Africa and have a go at "The Big Five"? Geoff Arse is a professional tour guide in...Read full story
Top 10 Reasons Nasty Pelosi Didn't Turn Over Articles of Impeachment for Senate Trial
Washington D.C. - This week, Democrats fulfilled their over-three-year-long dream by passing two articles of Impeachment against President Trump. A journey proclaimed the day he was inaugurated, and even voted on by the House of Representatives three...Read full story
My thought for the day - December 21st 2019 by Ray Ving, 78, and three months, you know
Hello there, you young people. Would you like to know my thoughts? You would? No, you wouldn't? Well, you are reading this, so I can gather that you want to be informed as to what I am thinking? Or not? Would you like to go away then? Read somethi...Read full story
Is Rudy Giuliani Going Hollywood?
It seems as though Rudy Giuliani is morphing into the Dustin Hoffman character from the film Wag The Dog. And while on the subject of movies, Donald Trump is tweeting himself into a petty, mean spirited, revengeful Forrest Gump. The Hoffman charac...Read full story
Mr Ray Ving's thoughts for the day
In another one of our very rare interviews with Mr Ray Ving, a 78-year-old from Mithering on the Trent, we ask him what he has been thinking about lately. Here, for your delectation, are his thoughts: It is one of those mysteries that is only to k...Read full story