The Hymie COWVID19 tragedy
Old McDonald’s White Farm - We knew Hymie was special when we brought him in from the fields that warm September, when we were young and shallow fellows. All of us wanted to be the one chosen to eat him. But I was the one who drew the long st...
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Trump Is Making Noise Again
The kid from the back of the classroom is making noise again. Back again? Trump never left. He thinks masks are silly. He never wears one. He thinks it’s macho not to wear a mask. Okay. He made fun of Joe Biden wearing a mask to lay a wreat...
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Evil Force Travels From Trump's Ass To His Brain
When we look back to the time before 2016, we find ourselves living in a world of events, which would have been inconceivable before the inauguration of Trump. Obama, whatever his faults, was a rational man who pursued intelligent policies. He was p...
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Julius Caesar Parodies Shakespeare's Most Famous Lines
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Will 'the playwright' Shakespeare got a lot of mileage out of his silly play about me, so, after all these years, I've decided to strike back by parodying Will's most oft-quoted phrases from his plays. A few of these are actually from...
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Coronavirus Is Not Like A Broken Leg
Coronavirus is not like a broken leg. Coronavirus is contagious. It is a deadly contagion. That means you can catch it from someone who is standing too close to you, is not wearing a mask, and you can die. Dying is forever. A broken leg is temporary.
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Motorized BarcaLoungers Replace Scooters In Beaver Crossing
BILLINGSGATE POST: A mad genius? Perhaps. Elmer Smuckmeister, a retired farmer and bon vivant, who made and lost fortunes by thinking outside the envelope, was the first to purchase a scooter franchise in the early days of this revolutionary transp...
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How a Court Reporter's Error Made School Chatter Legal
Spoof Writer Confesses, Comes Out of Closet
Where Were Archie’s Pants?
Joe Biden operates from his Command Post deep under his parents' house.
Jared Kushner Cancels Presidential Election
How To Cope Under Lockdown, with Charles "Turnip" Townshend
Governor Andrew Cuomo Pulling The African Queen Up The Hudson
Travel Review: Isle of Man
How Did Cam Newton Go From Being a Great Quarterback with the Carolina Panthers to Being Teamless?
Two Lechers
Ten Things To Do While Sheltering-in-Place
Dog With Two Assholes Rips Biden A New One
Words to the Wise: Top Ten Lockdown-Era Definitions You Need to Know NOW!
Granted, humans may have stopped evolving, but not language! Ever fluid, in this, the lockdown era, words and phrases have continued to morph and metastasize in ways that would have been nearly impossible to predict only months ago. Don’t be left...
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Of Course Trump Can’t Wear A Mask
Place after place that Donald Trump has visited, he fails to wear a mask. Few people question, Why? Others silently mumble to one another and snicker to themselves. Silly, if Donald Trump were to wear a mask, just imagine what would happen to his...
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President Trump May Have to Sell Trump Tower Due to His Personal Financial Mess
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump is still furious with his press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, for exposing his bank account number and routing number to the entire civilized world. Meanwhile, Trump’s personal attorney, Segundo Juarez, informed t...
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Piers Morgan and Howard Stern Both Agree That Trump Has Finally Gone Bat Shit Crazy
NEW YORK CITY – Howard Stern and Piers Morgan recently met and talked about putting on a benefit to raise money for food stamp recipients. The two also talked about the New York Giants, Manchester United, and the gorgeously sultry Sofia Vergara.
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Trump Threatens To Withhold Drowning Michigan Funds
Donald Trump is threatening to withhold drowning Michigan emergency funding. After two of Michigan’s dams failed, 10,000 citizens had to flee to higher ground, and one city is under ten feet of water. So Donald J. Trump is now threatening to deny...
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Coronavirus: Things We Should Expect To Happen Next
The Coronavirus, COVID-19, is said to have surfaced in Wuhan, China, in January this year, but French scientists claim that patients on whom they ran tests in November 2019, were already carrying the virus. So far, we know very little about it as...
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Part II: Trump, Conway, Conway, and a Lecture on Truth
In the first part of this piece, I discussed a possible Democratic response to a Republican narrative that asserts that, unlike “Grabby Joe Biden”, Donald Trump has not been accused of sexual misconduct while in public office. The Democratic counter...
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Is Trump Taking Hydroxychloroquine?
So honk your horn if you believe Donald J. Trump is taking hydroxychloroquine. You know he can’t even spell the word. It’s over one syllable. He can barely pronounce it. Again, it's over one syllable. “I’ve talked to lots of doctors about it,” he...
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Trump Says: Get Me Out Of Here
Trying in every which way, Donald J. Trump, really, (as Sally Field might say) wants to get out of the White House. The job is too hard. The presidency, being head of state, all that Hail To The Chief music, the Secret Service, morning briefings, wea...
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Trump, Conway, Conway, and a Lecture on Truth [Part 1]
U.S. politics have been a bit more civil than usual over the past several weeks, but that will change dramatically as the November election approaches. Furthermore, the credible sexual assault charges that have been made against Joe Biden will chang...
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Mumsers: Why Shoe Salesmen Die Young
BILLINGSGATE POST: Most men know a mumser or two. Even though they may not know what a mumser is, they will immediately be able to identify one, once they understand the characteristics framing them. Especially if they ever sold women’s shoes. Bu...
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Words You Might Not Be Familiar With
The English language is a 'living language'; it grows, develops and changes. New words come into the language all the time, and are absorbed into it without so much as a blink of an eye. These include foreign words, and even slang words, or words...
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Biden says Lockdown must continue or his voters will Run!
Joe Biden, commander of the repressive government forces stated that, "the lockdown of American voters must continue or the plantation workers will revolt and run". Biden says full government control is essential for the electoral process to be fu...
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Charlie the Smoking Chimp Dies!
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The Exploding Butler of Hump Hall, Part III
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A Poem About The Plague
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Recipe For A Genuine, Basic Anti-virus Punch (To hopefully give Mr. Mean COVID-19 a one/two punch!)
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Yet More Letters to the Editor About Coronavirus
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Why Honest Golfers Cheat On Their Wives
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Dorking East Parish Newsletter. (Covid-19) Edition.
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Senator Mitch McConnell Says No Bailout For Blue States
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Letters to the Editor about Coronavirus
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Quintessences Vol. 1: On the Coronavirus
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Handy Tips to Stay Productive While ‘Sheltering in Place’
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Bible Stories Explained: The Feeding Of The 5,000
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Last Line of Defense Ribbon Campaign Announced!
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Trump Destroys Parachutes Of Crashing Plane
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Gove The Wildman
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Barack The Great Finally Crowns Biden As His Successor
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Your Problems Answered: IV
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Some Social and Cultural Stereotypes May Actually Benefit from Coronavirus
