CDC Joins Forces With Mosquito Joe for Targeted Virus Control

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 18 May 2020

image for CDC Joins Forces With Mosquito Joe for Targeted Virus Control
Pest control service Mosquito Joe says that it's delighted to have gone viral.

As a number of states begin to loosen up their COVID-19 lockdowns, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has partnered with extermination service Mosquito Joe to help people rid their backyards of the coronavirus and other pests that could potentially put a damper on outdoor fun.

“We appreciate the targeted, on-site approach that Mosquito Joe takes to pest control,” said CDC Director Robert Redfield. “While it may not be feasible in the short term to entirely eliminate all bacteria, viruses, and other microbial activity from the outdoors, we can at least try to keep a coronavirus outbreak from happening at, say, a birthday party.”

On its part, Mosquito Joe says that it is honored to take on an active-duty role in the war against the virus. “It’s the least we can do for our country,” stated Mosquito Joe marketing director Lou Champion. “Sanitizing the outdoors with toxic chemicals is our specialty, and we’re delighted to have now gone viral."

Notwithstanding the new corporate partnership, the CDC warns that any outdoor activity that risks bringing a human being into direct contact with nature remains extremely unsafe, and is to be undertaken only with great fear. “Staying inside is still best practice,” said Redfield. “But if you must venture out into the open air, please don’t try to do so without the support of pesticides.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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