Obscure mad scientist recognised at last

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Thursday, 14 May 2020

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Evolutionary scientist Geoff Murd has finally been recognised with a blue plaque for his work in genetics in the 1920s. Long after Lamarckian evolution had been disproven, Murd decided to try to prove it was actually true by a series of extraordinarily cruel experiments on fruit flies.

Lamarckian evolution says that characteristics acquired over the lifetime of an organism will be passed on genetically. It has been known to be false since the late 1800s.

Working from his garden shed, Murd removed the wings of over ten thousand flies, before forcing the wingless insects to reproduce. "Not one of them has produced an offspring without wings," he raged in this diary. "How many times do I have to repeat this experiment until it works?"

Murd suffered from a variety of mental disorders including autophagia, schizophrenia, entomophobia, psychosis and an opium addiction. His work has gone largely unrecognised by the wider scientific world, but Chaffinch St Cock council decided that he was their best candidate for a highly desirable blue plaque.

"He were right mad," said council member Rita Hayworth. "But he were our looney."

In later life, Murd began to experiment with tearing the legs off spiders, and was able to disprove Lamarckian evolution yet again.

Sadly, Murd left no offspring of his own, and died aged 37 without marrying. His end was particularly unfortunate. He trapped both his arms in a mangle and wringed himself to death.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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