Late-Breaking Progressive News: Sugar Is Bad for You; Government Surveillance Is Necessary to Keep You from Getting Sick; Trump Is Not a Good President.

Written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 22 May 2020

image for Late-Breaking Progressive News: Sugar Is Bad for You; Government Surveillance Is Necessary to Keep You from Getting Sick; Trump Is Not a Good President.
Progressive news show Common Nonsense prides itself on telling it like it is.

Providing a progressive perspective on lifestyle and current events, independent news show Common Nonsense recently broke several revelatory stories, beginning with news that certain studies suggest that sugar might not be very good for you.

“Contrary to the prevailing perception that sugar is a health-promoting food,” stated CN host Rachel Williamson, “these studies seem to indicate that, depending on circumstances and a number of unknown factors, processed glucose may not be very nutrient-dense. The bottom line is that for many Americans, there may be healthier food choices."

That being said, Williamson emphasized that the late-breaking news about sugar need not alter most Americans’ basic eating habits, since, regardless of the latest research, Americans are free to exercise their own judgment when it comes to their own health – except, that is, when it comes to flu-like bugs like the coronavirus. “While face masks are helpful from a psychological perspective and, for that reason, should continue to be worn in all public places,” said Williamson, “their actual effectiveness in preventing spread of the virus is negligible. For that, we need ongoing government surveillance. Keep in mind, COVID-19 can be very unpleasant, sometimes even worse than the flu."

The Common Nonsense episode concluded with the sobering report that United States President Donald Trump is not only not a good president, but not even a good person. “It’s never pleasant to break bad news to people," said Williamson, "but at CN, we tell it like it is. And we felt this was information that people needed to hear."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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