Con Conference: Extra Pritt-Stick Ordered For Theresa May Speech
Extra Pritt-Stick has been ordered to ensure Theresa May can only balls-up from speaking shite and not as well as the stage falling apart around her during her speech, ministers say. The previous Tory Conference was a spectacular screw-up for the...Read full story
Con Conference: Theresa May Dances. Again. Kill Me.
Theresa May faced up to those poking fun at her at Conference today by actually doing the thing that she considers to be dancing onto the stage. The Prime Minister confronted perceived humiliations she has suffered recently, none more so than when...Read full story
Man is already deciding how he will break his new year's resolution
Kevin Brown, a 41 year old slightly overweight chap with no personality, life goals, partner or idea of what to with his hair in the mornings, has today, on October 3rd 2018 decided how he will break his new year's resolutions. Brown told us 'I ha...Read full story
Hurricane Leslie threatens the UK even more than BOJO!
Yes, dear punters, The Nutters Beach Club, closed recently due to a delayed shipment of suggestive fruit (mostly bananas) has re-opened only to be boarded up gain in the face of oncoming weather. Hurricane Leslie (A close relation to the writer of...Read full story
Theresa May Slung Off 'Strictly Come Dancing', Even Though She Isn't On It
There was worse news for the beleaguered Prime Minister Theresa May tonight, after it was revealed that she has been summarily thrown out of the BBC's 'Strictly Come Dancing' - even though she isn't part of the show. Mrs May, under fire over Brexi...Read full story
Cannibals To Be Looked After Post-Brexit With Stockpiling of Human Body Parts
People who eat people will "not be forgotten about" after Brexit, sources say. Following the revelations earlier this year from Brexit minister Dominic Raaaaab that the Government is stockpiling food and medicine in case of a No Deal, it has now b...Read full story
Bird With Big Tits To Be Next Conservative Leader
In the fall-out of Prime Minister Theresa May's dancing debacle in Kenya last month, leading Conservatives have said that what's needed to carry their party forward, and to keep 'in step' and 'in tune' with the Great British public, is a woman with h...Read full story
History Channel To Be Renamed The Hitler Channel
For years, the History Channel has broadcast a variety of documentaries on different eras in human history, from the Stone Age right up to the modern age. In recent years, however, a particular period in history has come to dominate the channel's sch...Read full story
Trump Thinks Deaths at End of Avengers Infinity Wars Were RealHe sends the Secret Service to the movie set of Avengers 4 to do some investigating.
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Joined: 01 April 2011
Stories Written: 29
Joined: 01 April 2011
Stories Written: 29
The Emergency Emergency Budget
*Warning May Contain Strong Language* Smug Tory fuck bag, Phillip Hammond, has admitted he’s preparing a “emergency budget” if Theresa May lives up to her early promise and sends Britain crashing out of the EU with “no deal”. Sources close to P...Read full story
"999 What's Your Emer...Ah Fuck It"
A shocking new report has found that over one million crimes a year aren’t even investigated by the police. To people who enjoy stealing cheap bottles of cider, this is great news! But, for those of us who expect our law enforcement to do a semi comp...Read full story
Do you get it?
A new report published this year by urdata4us has revealed that 50% of people “just don’t get it”. It has been found that most people believe that at least one person in their lives “doesn’t get it”. A similar study counter-acted these claims by sugg...Read full story
Complaints about Dr Who rise
This weekend, the new Dr Who, Jodie Whittaker, began her role as the famous sci-fi character. However, there are many people who are unhappy that a woman is playing the part for the first time. The character of Dr Who "regenerates" regularly, allo...Read full story
Climate change "will not affect Scotland"
Scotland is known for its dark winters, cool summers and a constant drizzle which ensures that nobody in the country has ever tasted a dry chip. In the UN's latest climate change report, it predicts that nothing will change. The report says that a...Read full story
Royal Family Breeding Like Rabbits
News has just reached us that yet another Royal baby has been conceived, and will be making an appearance sometime in the Spring. The exact date has not been announced, but, frankly, who cares? There was a time when a new addition to the royal fam...Read full story
Princess Eugenie Tits Gaffe In Royal Wedding Coverage
The Royal Wedding of Princess Eugenie and Jack Brooksbank has been spoilt by the BBC, whose subtitles staff could think of nothing better to remark upon than her breasts As the princess alit from her vehicle at Windsor Castle, a nation of TV viewe...Read full story
Death Is Inevitable, Think Tank Finds
A government Think Tank set up to consider the options open to humanity in order to achieve immortality, has concluded that death is inevitable. The group, set up at enormous expense to the taxpayer, came to its 'inevitable' conclusion after two...Read full story