China's Military Aspirations A Concern Says Wee Jimmy Krankie
China’s military capabilities are growing deadlier and more technologically sophisticated, says former cabaret and TV star, Wee Jimmy Krankie. China is likely training for bombing strikes against American targets, and also strengthening its nuclear c...
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Redundancies At Travelling Circus As Virus Lockdown Hits Tourism
Citing a lack of visitors, spiralling food costs, and other financial issues due to the current global pandemic, Tatty Mullett's Travelling Circus and Freak Show announced they would be laying off nearly seventy members of staff, including clowns, f...
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Self-Isolating 50-Year-Old Bachelor Reflects On Life
Self-isolating Blackpool bachelor, John Hunt, 50, is dwelling and reflecting on his past, according to reports emanating from the northern seaside town. Hunt, who lives alone, is nostalgically reflecting on happier times, such as when he was a membe...
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Overzealous UK Police Launch Operation Powertrip
Assistant Commissioner Neil Basu demanded that officers maintain the British tradition of 'policing by consent', despite launching 'Operation Powertrip', the plan that calls for the harassment of joggers and easter egg shoppers, and the random shooti...
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Thousands Naming Newborns After Virus
Thanks to the coronavirus, Corano has grabbed the No. 1 spot on Babynames.com list of most popular male baby names of 2020 so far. Sanitizrella was the most popular girl's name. "The overwhelming news saturation of the virus led to the popular...
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Man's Ford Capri Has Coronavirus
A man in Bradford has said that his car, which he has been driving for more than forty years, has come down with the Coronavirus. Phil Riddiough, 62, has been driving his yellow Ford Capri, Maisie, to and from work - and other places - since 1978,...
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Couple regret not buying more board games
ITV only weeks away from running out of 'Midsomer Murders' Repeats
Coronavirus To Be Charged With High Treason, If Any Of Royal Family, Well, You Know
Army ordered to shoot on sight greedy Brits
Man Cuts Back To One Piece Of Toilet Paper Per Wipe
Man Tells Society To Get Fucked
Donald Trump Could Become Interim Monarch Of The UK
Pigeons getting cocky
The Summer of Gove
Man Bums A Fag
Cat Wishing you would all just leave
Fury as NHS spends £20,000 on mask for Olly Murs's big face
Woman intrigued by man walking past her window
Since she is now in lock-down, Hull-based hairdresser, Donna Brassingthwaite, is finding a man walking past her house increasingly intriguing. She told us: 'I watch him walk past my door every morning at about 11.30pm. Obviously, he could have bee...
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Comedy legend Eddie Large dies
The world of showbusiness was in mourning today, when one of the greatest comedians who ever lived sadly passed away. Eddie Large, 78, died of coronavirus yesterday. He was famous during the 80s as the loud half of double act Little and Large. "He...
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Nightmare Coronavirus Succession Scenario Could See Meghan Crowned Queen
The Prince of Wales has tested positive for coronavirus, Clarence House has announced, resulting in a revised succession schedule that could see Prince Harry and Meghan Markle being crowned King and Queen, while living abroad in Canada. Prince Ch...
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Man swims to the Moon in his bathtub
Bored of being stuck indoors due to the coronavirus, Gloucester man Geoff Sweat, decided to perform a feat never before attempted - to swim the distance to the Moon in his bathtub. Mr Sweat, 41, has an Olympic-sized bathtub in his basement, and, d...
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Coronary Heart Disease Patients Worried Their Condition Sounds Like Coronavirus
Patients suffering from coronary heart disease have said they are concerned that their illness sounds too much like the Coronavirus, and the unfortunate similarity is making them nervous. Sixteen sufferers from Coventry also said that its allocate...
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Non-Hipster now has a hipster beard
Non-hipster, Barry Gillespie, a 46-year-old senior accountant from Mithering on the Trent, has grown a hipster beard, even though he never wanted one. The hirsute former bank worker, is currently missing the Stray Ferret domino's team, but feels h...
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Game of Swingball becoming increasingly violent
What started out as a friendly game of Swingball has turned increasingly violent, as Thomas Johnson and his dad, Gary, discuss the finer points of gamesmanship. 'It was all going so well,' said Thomas, 'but Dad got into a bit of a strop when he hi...
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Family saving box set of Last of the Summer Wine
Mother and father, Gary and Lorraine Johnson, are saving their family box set of Last of the Summer Wine for either, when son, Thomas, 14, is able to enjoy it for the comedy classic that it is, or the family get so bored during Lockdown, that it is u...
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Ethiopia to hold benefit concert for Brits
Musicians in Ethiopia are coming together to hold a benefit concert on Wednesday, to raise money for people in the UK impacted upon by the coronavirus. The concert named “Now It's Your Turn", will be held on Wednesday at the Addis Ababa Stadium.
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Nurses get the clap from grateful patients
In a moment of national dignity, nurses and other NHS workers, who have been selflessly working flat out in this time of crisis, were warmly given the clap by grateful patients. One male patient said, "When she saw me struggling to breathe through...
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Penis Jokes: the Problem and the Cure
As a spoof writer, Geoff Todger likes penis jokes. He gets his out at any opportunity, and stuffs it into every story, regardless of whether it is related to penises or not. "I usually love to show off my penis jokes. No matter what I'm writing ab...
Read full storyLatest Spoof UK Headlines
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Tea-boy only making tea for himself now
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Artist sick of self-portrait
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Home of Middle-Class Family is Inexplicably Cold
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Everybody feeling that they are the odd one who never leaves the house
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During Lockdown, Helen Mirren dresses as the Queen
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Hull Man Thinking of Just Starting Over Again In Grimsby
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Man Has Been Finding Things To Do During Lockdown
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British Health Minister Announces Ban On Sheep Threesomes
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Man Adheres To Government's Social-Distancing Rules, Despite Wife's Efforts To Get Back Into House
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Fat Man And His Fatter Wife Unable To Social-Distance Adequately Due To Being Fat
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Man Gets Trapped Between Train And Platform
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Brexit Party celebrates end of freedom of movement
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Couple arguing over the last Rollo
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Watch Brian Asshat's guide to Paper-Clip curation on Youtube
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Idiot spending an hour washing his hands every day
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Internet riots plague town
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Man With Hairy Back, Palms And Feet Does NOT Have Coronavirus After Coughing All Night
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Britain's Reserves Of Quavers Running Dangerously Low
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Common Sense In Shortest Supply In Living Memory
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Liverpool Taxi Driver Lets Passengers Know Where All The Black People Live
