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Matt Brown
Matt Brown
Joined: 01 April 2011
Stories Written: 29

Seven day catch up

Check out anything you've missed with the archive:

Con Conference: Extra Pritt-Stick Ordered For Theresa May Speech

Funny story: Con Conference: Extra Pritt-Stick Ordered For Theresa May Speech

Extra Pritt-Stick has been ordered to ensure Theresa May can only balls-up from speaking shite and not as well as the stage falling apart around her during her speech, ministers say. The previous Tory Conference was a spectacular screw-up for the...

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7-Year-Old Boy Learns That Conkers Aren't Legal Tender

Funny story: 7-Year-Old Boy Learns That Conkers Aren't Legal Tender

Tommy Hodgkins, a 7-year-old from Mithering on the Trent, has learnt the hard way, that conkers are not legal tender in the real world. 'My Mum and Dad wanted a new sofa, so we went into DFS on the high street, because it was their sale. They look...

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Man is already deciding how he will break his new year's resolution

Funny story: Man is already deciding how he will break his new year's resolution

Kevin Brown, a 41 year old slightly overweight chap with no personality, life goals, partner or idea of what to with his hair in the mornings, has today, on October 3rd 2018 decided how he will break his new year's resolutions. Brown told us 'I ha...

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Theresa May Slung Off 'Strictly Come Dancing', Even Though She Isn't On It

Funny story: Theresa May Slung Off 'Strictly Come Dancing', Even Though She Isn't On It

There was worse news for the beleaguered Prime Minister Theresa May tonight, after it was revealed that she has been summarily thrown out of the BBC's 'Strictly Come Dancing' - even though she isn't part of the show. Mrs May, under fire over Brexi...

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Con Conference: Theresa May Dances. Again. Kill Me.

Funny story: Con Conference: Theresa May Dances. Again. Kill Me.

Theresa May faced up to those poking fun at her at Conference today by actually doing the thing that she considers to be dancing onto the stage. The Prime Minister confronted perceived humiliations she has suffered recently, none more so than when...

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Bird With Big Tits To Be Next Conservative Leader

Funny story: Bird With Big Tits To Be Next Conservative Leader

In the fall-out of Prime Minister Theresa May's dancing debacle in Kenya last month, leading Conservatives have said that what's needed to carry their party forward, and to keep 'in step' and 'in tune' with the Great British public, is a woman with h...

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Hurricane Leslie threatens the UK even more than BOJO!

Funny story: Hurricane Leslie threatens the UK even more than BOJO!

Yes, dear punters, The Nutters Beach Club, closed recently due to a delayed shipment of suggestive fruit (mostly bananas) has re-opened only to be boarded up gain in the face of oncoming weather. Hurricane Leslie (A close relation to the writer of...

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The Emergency Emergency Budget

*Warning May Contain Strong Language* Smug Tory fuck bag, Phillip Hammond, has admitted he’s preparing a “emergency budget” if Theresa May lives up to her early promise and sends Britain crashing out of the EU with “no deal”. Sources close to P...

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