Funny story - Biscuit game to be banned from House of Commons

Biscuit game to be banned from House of Commons

For centuries, the British Houses of Parliament have echoed to the fevered fapping noises of pistoning palms. It is a parliamentary procedure little known to the outside world as it is usually conducted under great secrecy, yet its days are now numbe…

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Funny story - Company with high turn over of staff says that it respects it employees on its website

Company with high turn over of staff says that it respects it employees on its website

That company in the high street, you know the one that has a new receptionist every fortnight, and which is always changing the names on the door has written on a job's website that it respects its employees. The receptionist before the one before…

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Funny story - Why am I writing so much gibberish?

Why am I writing so much gibberish?

Abigail Dale, the Daily Mail's newest intern is asking a question that no one can answer. Why is she writing so much gibberish? 'I thought this was going to be my big break' wailed Dale 'but so far I have had to write 200 words about Liz Hurley's…

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Funny story - Possessed local man refused to answer door to Mormon exorcist

Possessed local man refused to answer door to Mormon exorcist

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man whose soul had been laid waste by demonic possession has told a local newspaper that he refused to answer the door to a member of the Mormon church who arrived to drive out the unclean spirit last Tuesday evening. Tob…

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Funny story - Prince William Goes To School to Learn Wot’s Wot

Prince William Goes To School to Learn Wot’s Wot

Prince William has undergone a short re-education class in World History. To his delight, he has discovered that World Wars One and Two happened in Europe, not in either Africa or Asia, and that some of his family members were directly involved i…

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Funny story - A New Boris, An Old Boris, A Blue Boris

A New Boris, An Old Boris, A Blue Boris

Dateline in Time: 1985 - Boris Becker became a golden boy in tennis at 17-years-old, kissing the Wimbledon trophy, becoming a superstar overnight, and amassing immense riches over the years. Now he’s in trouble for not giving money to the right pe…

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Funny story - Britain To Change The Colors of Its Flag

Britain To Change The Colors of Its Flag

LONDON - (Satire News) Prime Minister Boris Johnson has just informed the people of Great Britain that parliament has voted to change the colors of the English flag. The red, white, and blue color scheme was first implemented back on Wednesday, Se…

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Funny story - Prince Harry claims Queen is being held prisoner in Buckingham Palace and she begged him to rescue her, take her to California and rule Great Britain from his mansion in Monteceto

Prince Harry claims Queen is being held prisoner in Buckingham Palace and she begged him to rescue her, take her to California and rule Great Britain from his mansion in Monteceto

In a candid interview given to the National Enquirer newspaper, Prince Harry revealed that Queen Elizabeth the Second is being held prisoner in Buckingham Palace by her son Prince Charles and her grandson Prince William, and she begged him to help he…

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Funny story - Johnson's daily apologies growing tiresome

Johnson's daily apologies growing tiresome

This morning, Prime Minister Boris Johnson made his daily apology to the country for the twentieth day in a row. "I'm really sorry," he said. "Honestly, I really am this time. I promise it won't happen again, at least for another twenty four hours."…

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Funny story - Conservatives Announce A Kill all Kittens Policy

Conservatives Announce A Kill all Kittens Policy

Having said some nonsense about some things, the Conservative Party will shortly be announcing a kill all Kittens policy. ‘It has come to our attention' said Conservative Bod Evil O’Shay ‘that people like Kittens, so like all of the nice things in…

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Funny story - Best Crockery Still Gathering Dust

Best Crockery Still Gathering Dust

Your best crockery set, you know the one your Mum gave to you fifteen years ago, when your parents moved. The one with the bad flowers and writing on it. You know the one. The one in the garage, underneath your forgotten Haircut 100 albums, Yes, that…

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Funny story - I took nude photos of several nude photos, claims local man

I took nude photos of several nude photos, claims local man

A 54-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has told a local newspaper that he recently took a number of saucy nude photographs of some nude photographs while in the nude himself. Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer, told The East London Ga…

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Funny story - Woman takes all of May off as a Bank Holiday

Woman takes all of May off as a Bank Holiday

A woman has decided to give up work for the whole of May and sit on her arse drinking Lambritzi and pink gin, we can reveal. Kylie Slackbucket, 31, of Spodbury, decided to take action because, 'Well, it's all just one long Bank Holiday when you th…

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Funny story - Uber drivers must be able to speak English before getting lost or crashing into other vehicles, says TFL

Uber drivers must be able to speak English before getting lost or crashing into other vehicles, says TFL

Transport for London were under fire from the app-based private hire company, Uber, last night after they ruled that all drivers employed by the company must undergo strict testing to make sure that they meet new guidelines designed to ensure that al…

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Funny story - Woman Marries Tin of Meat

Woman Marries Tin of Meat

Today a 55 year old grandmother from Kayk has married her favourite tin of meat today at a local branch of Aldi, to her amazement the tin in question said yes without hesitation. A tearful Marjorie Bagg said, “I feel overjoyed that I was able to…

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Funny story - Rishi Sunak doesn't know what taxes are

Rishi Sunak doesn't know what taxes are

Chancellor Rishi Sunak has revealed that despite managing the finances of the UK, he doesn't actually know what taxes are. When asked by a journalist at a press conference, he said, "Is that what you call it? The money that all those people give to t…

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Funny story - Weather Can't Make up it's mind

Weather Can't Make up it's mind

The weather can't make up its mind, say wags on Social Media. Hilariously funny people are complaining about the weather on Twitter again, news headlines reveal. Daily Mail Intern Tracy Gravy was given the onerous task of finding witty and pith…

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Funny story - Furries to be barred from the UK Olympic team

Furries to be barred from the UK Olympic team

The UK government have ordered that no "furries" will be allowed to compete in the Olympic team, or in any athletic events at national level. The move follows a controversial event where Eck Wine, 52, came fifth in the Chaffinch St Cock marathon whil…

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Funny story - Man with Microphone still being ignored

Man with Microphone still being ignored

Although he has a Microphone, highly religious bloke Gavin Williamson (no, not that one) is still being ignored in the high street on Saturday mornings. 'Yes' said Gavin 'I give up my Saturday mornings to tell complete strangers to stop doing what…

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Funny story - Laurence Fox remaining silent

Laurence Fox remaining silent

Although things have been happening in the world, Laurence Fox strangely hasn't put his viewpoint about it. With Oscar night violence, a threatened world war, human atrocities across the globe Detective Hathaway from Lewis has not been raising his…

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