West Brom Fans Disrespectful To Fallen War Heroes
Remembrance Day is the day when those who perished in battle are honoured with a celebration of their bravery, and recognition of the price they paid for our freedom. We should observe it, each in our own way, but, ideally, not in the way some sectio...
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Dragon who burnt down a village continually reminded about it
Edgar, a somewhat impulsive dragon, who burnt down the village Christmas tree twenty years ago, has learnt that his youthful indiscretion and lack of control has formed the basis for this year's John Lewis advert. 'Yes, it was all a bit embarrassi...
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London Man Caged For Shouting At Burglar
A London man was given two consecutive life sentences at The Old Bailey yesterday, after being found guilty of shouting loudly at a burglar who had broken into his home in the early hours of the morning in June of this year. Toby Dell, a postman f...
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Boris Johnson's Teabag is still stewing in a very cold mug
Gary Johnson, a four-month-old teabag used by Prime Minister Boris Johnson, has revealed that he has spent the weekend in a cold cup of very strong, very bitter tea. 'I feel completely used,' said Johnson, who is, as he was only too ready to point...
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Britain's longest-serving lighthouse keeper marries transistor radio
A 54-year-old man who has been on duty in a lighthouse in the Thames estuary for a record 27 years without a break, yesterday tied the knot with the small Japanese transistor radio that has been his only contact with the rest of the world throughout...
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The General Redirection
As the election hots up, and seemingly every Tory candidate is called out for lying, many familiar political battlegrounds have opened up. Many MPs have decried the state of our health service and are all promising to hand-build thousands of beds and...
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Britain faces a Christmas election
Man signs up to Nanowrimo for the seventh time
Gunpowder Plot Arrangements Coming Along Nicely
Halloween Cancelled After News That Pumpkins Are Imported From Europe
Jedward are not in Pantomime this year, oh no they are
Harry Maguire In Halloween Trick-Or-Treat Incident
Man leaving his job taking inspiration from Brexit Shambles
Wildfires Raging All Across Country
Man talking about the weather, again
Man watching the Apprentice
UK to build migrant pipe under Channel
Boris Johnson Issues Brexit Halloween Trick-Or-Treat Ultimatum
Man Oozes Confidence After Putting Cardboard Box On Head
A man who, for as long as he can remember, has been shy when in the company of people he doesn't know, has suddenly unearthed a rich seam of confidence, by walking around with a cardboard box on his head. The man, Eric Stibbles, from Maidstone in...
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Boris Johnson's election bus to be powered by bullshit
The UK's general election got up to full speed this week, as the media pressed the accelerator of information and the political parties took the steering wheel of policy. The Conservatives revealed their new weapon - a big red bus with not just on...
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No more flooding after Brexit
Tories are queuing up to support their leader, Boris Johnson, after his claim that flooding currently hitting the north of England is a direct result of EU membership. "It's simple," explained Johnson. "After 31 January, winds will be redirected a...
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Man claims to have found God in Cornwall
A man from Cornwall claims to have discovered evidence of God on Bodmin Moor. Geoff Tractor, 47, is an unemployed astronaut from Launceston, and is convinced that the creator of the Universe lives on the remote moorland. Tractor said, "I was up on...
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Etch-a-sketch Cafe Opens
Hipster Kevin Wilkes, who has just set up a business sewing mittens together, so that fully-grown adults can relive a tiny amount of their long-forgotten childhood, has had a busy week, for today he is also opening up the first Etch-a-sketch cafe.
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Hull Man Found Crying Over Spilt Milk
A Hull man living in the Thai capital of Bangkok was said by friends to be "extremely upset with himself" this morning, after they found him at his apartment crying over some spilt milk. The 'spilt mlk' the man was crying over, was from a 1-litre...
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Check out anything you've missed with the archive:
Man surprised he can't buy shorts in the shops now
Barry Asshat, a 63-year-old from Chutney on the Fritz was shocked when he went to his local High Street clothing emporium, and couldn't buy shorts. 'Imagine my surprise' said the unimaginative buffoon 'I went to Mark and Spencers in the High Stree...
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First Genetically Engineered Cat Girl Licks Harry Maguire’s Balls
BILLINGSGATE POST: Shockwaves reverberated throughout the febrile English football world as the first genetically engineered cat girl broke ranks with tradition, and licked Manchester United defenseman Harry Maguire’s balls as he went onto the field...
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Hull Man Awarded Damages After Getting Cock Trapped In Zip
A man who was injured when he trapped his penis in the zip of his jeans recently, has been awarded record damages of 50p. The man snagged his cock as he hastily tried to fasten his flyhole after having a piss in a shop doorway in Hull town centre...
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Jacob Rees-Mogg Urged To "Jump" By Huge Crowd
The leader of the House of Commons, Jacob Rees-Mogg, was besieged by a huge crowd of spectators as he went walkabout on the roof of the Houses of Parliament today, after his comments earlier in the week about some of those who perished in the Grenfel...
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Parrotman's Parrots Think He Is A Right Knobhead
Ted Parrotman, the man who changed his name and his appearance because he so much wanted to resemble his pet parrots, may have impressed a lot of people, but not the parrots themselves. They have nothing good to say about him whatsoever. For pe...
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Vagrancy and alcoholism to be taught in British schools
