Old people remembering the snow they had in their youth
Old man Walter McKinley was today complaining about how the school down his road had been closed after a measly two inches of snow had fallen. The 87-year-old, who has lived in Mithering on the Trent for the past 59 years, and is seen as a local c…
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A man who has never seen any Inspector Morse episodes nonplussed by the ending of Endeavour
Miserable man about town Brian Asshat has posted on his blog that he doesn't really see what the fuss is about with the ending of Endeavour as he has never watched Inspector Morse. 'I know that is has given many millions a lot of pleasure over the…
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Reading the Royal Crystal Honey Pot
The Royal Shit Reader has looked into the Royal toilet bowl after King Charles had a burrito tsunami blow out of ass … and the future of Britain does not look good. Sir Reginald Pooh (born into his job) inspected the King’s shit after His Majesty…
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Prince Andrew Heading to Romania, for Vampires but No Pizza
Prince Andrew has decided that the heat is on in Britain and he can’t take it anymore … so he’s moving to Romania. Where another Andrew (never trust anybody named Andrew … this MUST be repeated) once holed up thinking no one would capture him and…
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New Novel Idea - Relocate All Recent Immigrants to 'Liverpool Land' in Greenland
Rishi wants to give Rwanda several Million Pounds to take England's illegal immigrants - while they wait for their Court papers to be processed. All the Rwanda leadership members are very eager to do this transaction as quickly as possible. M…
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Passwords Are Trapping Civilization
You can’t even order a morning cup of coffee delivered from Peet’s without a password. The password is the missing link between a horrible morning and a, “Thank you, God!” kind of day. And what was that password? Concentrating on a password be…
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Brian had no Valentine Cards this year
The Wet Sprocket Valentine Night
Northern Pub proud to be selling Pepsi
Man drives 120 miles following Chinese spy balloon!
King Charles Plans Dance Routine STAYIN' ALIVE By Bee Gees At Coronation
Protesting the Protest is Against the Anti-Protest Law – So Shut It!
Man is only the third paragraph of his novel
Man watching Groundhog Day, and still hoping for a happier ending
Roald Dahl is Damn Insensitively Delicious
£200 for a haircut? You must be joking!
Couple who have never watched Happy Valley not really that sad about it ending
The Further Adventures of Harry's Todger
Glastonbury Festival Lite 2023
Michael Eavis today announced that Glastonbury Festival 2023 will be headlined by Arctic Monkeys and Guns N' Roses. They are set to join Sir Elton of John for the annual music festival. However, due to the current cost of living crisis, music-love…
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King Charles Ears Stuffed with Loneliness
Bonny King Charles has too much ear hair and can’t hear all the things people are saying to him. Granted, some of it is nice, and he wants to hear that, but the Royal Ears are stuffed with cotton – and no one is allowed to tell him so! Kings shoot…
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Powdered Wigs Decree A Turing Fifty Pee
Hope has just arrived for trans people or anyone who is well-hated by today’s standards. Not to worry, sir or madam, but you will one day be loved. Just look at the new British 50 pound note! Alan Turing was forced to have chemical castration inst…
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Holiday maker is disappointed
Although it is thirty years since he went to school, local bod Gavin Williamson is disappointed that he returned from France without using any of the phrases he knew when he was a teenager. 'Of course, I went thinking I could parlay la francais wi…
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Royal Coronation Chair an Ass Breaker says Member of Repair Team
The huge Solid Oak British Coronation Chair will make you Ass numb in five minutes - say a member of the team repairing and re-gilding the Royal Chair. The Team knows personally - as they have been sitting in the Chair and doing Selfies (for frie…
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Craig David fan realises that none of his weeks will ever be like the one in the song
Back in the day, Harry Brassingthwaite was a fan of Craig David, but at the age of 53 knows that none of his weeks will ever be like the one that Craig David sang about. 'Yes, it seems a bit sad' said Harry who spent most of his Friday night regro…
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King Charles is Doing Weightlifitng to Prepare for the Coronation Ceremony - May 7th
Windsor Castle has a temporary weight lifting room in the old Dungeon - so Charles can physically get ready to be crowned King of England in May. Camilla is there in tights, with a little whip to snap at him - if he flags in his weightlifting du…
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‘Submarine’: Veteran Journalist Slams Ridiculous Headline Trend
Experienced reporter Steve Scoop has condemned the recent media craze for prefixing news headlines with an out-of-context and often barely relevant quote. Scoop said that the practice added nothing to readers’ understanding and only served to cre…
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Matt Hancock to become TikTok doctor
Former Health Secretary Matt Hancock has disclosed that he is to take his expertise into the TikTok arena. The disgraced I'm A Celebrity celebrity told his followers, "I've picked up enough health tips to make a serious living out of vulnerable sn…
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Queen Elizabeth Always Gave Prince Philip A Bun-Pat
Oh yes! While headlines were made about Princess Kate giving Prince William a bun-pat at the BAFTA Awards, it was a common practice with Queen Elizabeth and her husband, Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. That was why he always made unexpected, su…
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Northern Ireland to Get 'Special Treatment' in New Sunak Brexit Deal
Northern Ireland is having a big Tantrum over Brexit - so Rishi and the Conservatives are bending over backward to placate them with special Brexit legislation - (and the European Union is bending over backward also, forming some kind of human bridg…
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Couple buy each other tickets for S Club Seven Reunion Tour
Loving couple with a comedy/sadistic streak Gary and Lorraine Johnson bought each other a pair of tickets to see the recently reformed S Club 7 reunion tour, only to realise that at the age of 51 and 49, they are probably too old for that type of thi…
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Builder Accused Of Finishing On Time
The small, leafy hamlet of Aspergers Velodrome was rocked this weekend, when a local builder finished a single-storey extension on time. Mary Butternut, who commissioned the work, was left reeling when she was unable to complain on Facebook about…
Read full storyLatest Spoof UK Headlines
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Truss Offered A Green Goo Time Machine
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Middle Aged couple are excited about another new series of Vera
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Teenager buys all of the Valentine's cards
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Bono Ready to Save America from Trump, or Ukraine from Putin
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Poetry performance only has an audience of three, two are there to get out of the rain
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Liz Truss beginning her come back with an interview with Emily Matliss
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Middle aged man doesn't know anyone at the Brits
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Slough Woman Beats Work Attendance Record
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Office playing Enya CD in honour of St Patrick's Day
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Conservatives not really that worried
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Top Secret Classified US Documents Found In The Spoof Office
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Benny Hill Boris Embraces his Inner Fiction
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Recently sacked multi-millionaire wonders what they will do next
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Sick Twisted Man Reads A Book In PUBLIC!
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Man not actually planning to worry
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The Official Number 10 Trampoline – For PMs ONLY!
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Couple interested in the life of an extra on Emmerdale
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Smartarse Inventor Outfoxes London Mayor: Designs Car Powered By ULEZ Regulations
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Norfolk Folk Keeping It In The Family
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Man claiming Irish heritage really just a Thin Lizzy Fan
