Greedy Owner Blames Closure of Department Stores on Greedy Owners
Billionaire businessman Mike Ashley has blasted "greedy landlords" for the closure of several House of Fraser department stores. The Sports Direct and Newcastle United FC owner stepped in to buy the historical chain for £90 million when it looked...Read full story
Brexiteers' Plans Finally Revealed: A Spoof Exclusive
He's been reviled as a Man With No Plan, but the ideas for a successful Brexit of buffoon and failed politician Bozo Johnson along with those of his tax-avoiding wealthy, gold-plated pension cronies, Jacob Rees-Smug, David "Dumbo" Davis, Dr Liar Fox...Read full story
Momentum to launch new not-for-profit Coffee chain
Not content taking over the Labour party, it appears left-wing activists Momentum have decided to take over the world of coffee. The popular left-wing pressure group launched their new not-for-profit enterprise, 'Corbynista', at this year's party...Read full story
Meghan Markle is praised for “shutting her own car door”
The Duchess of Sussex was praised on social media after a photo was seen of her closing her own car door on arrival at a posh party. Net junkies went wild with excitement, posting messages about this. Gotnolife wrote “Wow, just fallen off chair,...Read full story
Gruesome Murder Reconstruction Ends In Gruesome Murder
Police supervising a TV documentary murder reconstruction of an unsolved slaying that happened 20 years ago, have egg on their faces this evening, after a second murder took place in exactly the same manner as the first one. In Epsom, back in 199...Read full story
Trump Said News Media The EnemyTrump said the news media was the enemy of the people. Saudi newsman Jamal Khashoggi was critical of the Saudi government, then goes missing in the Saudi Embassy in Turkey? Looks like a green light.
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Joined: 01 April 2011
Stories Written: 29
Joined: 01 April 2011
Stories Written: 29
Con Conference: Extra Pritt-Stick Ordered For Theresa May Speech
Extra Pritt-Stick has been ordered to ensure Theresa May can only balls-up from speaking shite and not as well as the stage falling apart around her during her speech, ministers say. The previous Tory Conference was a spectacular screw-up for the...Read full story
7-Year-Old Boy Learns That Conkers Aren't Legal Tender
Tommy Hodgkins, a 7-year-old from Mithering on the Trent, has learnt the hard way, that conkers are not legal tender in the real world. 'My Mum and Dad wanted a new sofa, so we went into DFS on the high street, because it was their sale. They look...Read full story
Man is already deciding how he will break his new year's resolution
Kevin Brown, a 41 year old slightly overweight chap with no personality, life goals, partner or idea of what to with his hair in the mornings, has today, on October 3rd 2018 decided how he will break his new year's resolutions. Brown told us 'I ha...Read full story
Theresa May Slung Off 'Strictly Come Dancing', Even Though She Isn't On It
There was worse news for the beleaguered Prime Minister Theresa May tonight, after it was revealed that she has been summarily thrown out of the BBC's 'Strictly Come Dancing' - even though she isn't part of the show. Mrs May, under fire over Brexi...Read full story
Con Conference: Theresa May Dances. Again. Kill Me.
Theresa May faced up to those poking fun at her at Conference today by actually doing the thing that she considers to be dancing onto the stage. The Prime Minister confronted perceived humiliations she has suffered recently, none more so than when...Read full story
Bird With Big Tits To Be Next Conservative Leader
In the fall-out of Prime Minister Theresa May's dancing debacle in Kenya last month, leading Conservatives have said that what's needed to carry their party forward, and to keep 'in step' and 'in tune' with the Great British public, is a woman with h...Read full story
Hurricane Leslie threatens the UK even more than BOJO!
Yes, dear punters, The Nutters Beach Club, closed recently due to a delayed shipment of suggestive fruit (mostly bananas) has re-opened only to be boarded up gain in the face of oncoming weather. Hurricane Leslie (A close relation to the writer of...Read full story