Con Conference: Extra Pritt-Stick Ordered For Theresa May Speech
Extra Pritt-Stick has been ordered to ensure Theresa May can only balls-up from speaking shite and not as well as the stage falling apart around her during her speech, ministers say. The previous Tory Conference was a spectacular screw-up for the...
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Con Conference: Theresa May Dances. Again. Kill Me.
Theresa May faced up to those poking fun at her at Conference today by actually doing the thing that she considers to be dancing onto the stage. The Prime Minister confronted perceived humiliations she has suffered recently, none more so than when...
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Man is already deciding how he will break his new year's resolution
Kevin Brown, a 41 year old slightly overweight chap with no personality, life goals, partner or idea of what to with his hair in the mornings, has today, on October 3rd 2018 decided how he will break his new year's resolutions. Brown told us 'I ha...
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Hurricane Leslie threatens the UK even more than BOJO!
Yes, dear punters, The Nutters Beach Club, closed recently due to a delayed shipment of suggestive fruit (mostly bananas) has re-opened only to be boarded up gain in the face of oncoming weather. Hurricane Leslie (A close relation to the writer of...
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John Bercow Demands Independent Investigation Into John Bercow
Man Makes Early New Year's Resolution
Man In Trouble Over Late Return Of Library Book
BBC News Hacked By Russia
BBC's Great British Menu in Hot Water Over Controversial NHS Menu
Chuckle Brothers were in C'thulhu cult
TV Attack
Perth Australia voted the world's most miserable city
Bozo Johnson to Get Divorced After Stormy Daniels Affair
Russian Suspects Now Innocent After Thoroughly Convincing Interview
Northern Ireland border to be controlled by invisible leprechauns!
Corbyn slammed for not mocking woman who can't dance
Theresa May Slung Off 'Strictly Come Dancing', Even Though She Isn't On It
There was worse news for the beleaguered Prime Minister Theresa May tonight, after it was revealed that she has been summarily thrown out of the BBC's 'Strictly Come Dancing' - even though she isn't part of the show. Mrs May, under fire over Brexi...
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Cannibals To Be Looked After Post-Brexit With Stockpiling of Human Body Parts
People who eat people will "not be forgotten about" after Brexit, sources say. Following the revelations earlier this year from Brexit minister Dominic Raaaaab that the Government is stockpiling food and medicine in case of a No Deal, it has now b...
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Bird With Big Tits To Be Next Conservative Leader
In the fall-out of Prime Minister Theresa May's dancing debacle in Kenya last month, leading Conservatives have said that what's needed to carry their party forward, and to keep 'in step' and 'in tune' with the Great British public, is a woman with h...
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History Channel To Be Renamed The Hitler Channel
For years, the History Channel has broadcast a variety of documentaries on different eras in human history, from the Stone Age right up to the modern age. In recent years, however, a particular period in history has come to dominate the channel's sch...
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Breaking news…
Trump Thinks Deaths at End of Avengers Infinity Wars Were Real
He sends the Secret Service to the movie set of Avengers 4 to do some investigating.
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Seven day catch up
Check out anything you've missed with the archive:
The Emergency Emergency Budget
*Warning May Contain Strong Language* Smug Tory fuck bag, Phillip Hammond, has admitted he’s preparing a “emergency budget” if Theresa May lives up to her early promise and sends Britain crashing out of the EU with “no deal”. Sources close to P...
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"999 What's Your Emer...Ah Fuck It"
A shocking new report has found that over one million crimes a year aren’t even investigated by the police. To people who enjoy stealing cheap bottles of cider, this is great news! But, for those of us who expect our law enforcement to do a semi comp...
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Do you get it?
A new report published this year by urdata4us has revealed that 50% of people “just don’t get it”. It has been found that most people believe that at least one person in their lives “doesn’t get it”. A similar study counter-acted these claims by sugg...
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Complaints about Dr Who rise
This weekend, the new Dr Who, Jodie Whittaker, began her role as the famous sci-fi character. However, there are many people who are unhappy that a woman is playing the part for the first time. The character of Dr Who "regenerates" regularly, allo...
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Climate change "will not affect Scotland"
Scotland is known for its dark winters, cool summers and a constant drizzle which ensures that nobody in the country has ever tasted a dry chip. In the UN's latest climate change report, it predicts that nothing will change. The report says that a...
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Royal Family Breeding Like Rabbits
News has just reached us that yet another Royal baby has been conceived, and will be making an appearance sometime in the Spring. The exact date has not been announced, but, frankly, who cares? There was a time when a new addition to the royal fam...
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Princess Eugenie Tits Gaffe In Royal Wedding Coverage
The Royal Wedding of Princess Eugenie and Jack Brooksbank has been spoilt by the BBC, whose subtitles staff could think of nothing better to remark upon than her breasts As the princess alit from her vehicle at Windsor Castle, a nation of TV viewe...
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Death Is Inevitable, Think Tank Finds
A government Think Tank set up to consider the options open to humanity in order to achieve immortality, has concluded that death is inevitable. The group, set up at enormous expense to the taxpayer, came to its 'inevitable' conclusion after two...
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Latest Spoof UK Headlines
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The Lun Dun mayor: he wore an itsby-bitsy, teeny-weeny yellow bikini
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Bozo Trots Out Usual Bollocks In Vain Attempt to be Relevant
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Elon Musk Thinks You're A Paedophile, Probably
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Bozo Johnson to Get Divorced After Stormy Daniels Affair
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Chuckle Brothers were in C'thulhu cult
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Northern Ireland border to be controlled by invisible leprechauns!
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Do you get it?
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Climate change "will not affect Scotland"
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Princess Eugenie Tits Gaffe In Royal Wedding Coverage
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Royal Family Breeding Like Rabbits
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Corbyn slammed for not mocking woman who can't dance
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Woman completes life by getting a boyfriend.
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Operation YellowHammer waiting in the Brexit wings
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Boris the Brat swipes again!
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Russian Suspects Now Innocent After Thoroughly Convincing Interview
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Perth Australia voted the world's most miserable city
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Avoid Hard Border By Bringing It Inland says Rees-Mog
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TV Attack
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John Bercow Demands Independent Investigation Into John Bercow
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Death Is Inevitable, Think Tank Finds
