Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures - the Man-bun will be culled
Reports of the Man-bun, once the preserve of post pseudo-hipsters (real hipsters wouldn’t be seen dead with one), migrating to the heads of middle-aged men in lockdown, has resulted in ‘Questions in the House’. As barbers and hairdressers return t…
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Trump visit to UK
The last time that President Trump visited the United Kingdom, he was met with country-wide protests. In the event, he saw none of them, as he was kept well away from trouble. "I had a great time in England," he said. "I had the biggesest welcome…
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Number 10 To Install Suggestion Box
In a move that many Britons are hailing as “a major step forward”, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced, Monday, that, after 'unanimous agreement by the cabinet', that a suggestion box is to be installed outside the gates of Downing Street…
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Work colleagues do not recognise each other
Work colleagues Wayne Badger and Roger Hargreaves saw each other in Mithering on the Trent, but neither recognised the other, after more than five months of being on furlough. 'I saw this chap,' said Wayne, 'who seemed vaguely familiar to me, and…
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The North is in trouble and that’s official.
Concerns over misinterpretation of the north of England lock-down measures have resulted in a Burnley man being refused entry into a Kent pub, because he’s a northerner. He was then sat on by a Polish fruit picker, until he was escorted back to the b…
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Jacob Rees-Mogg accused of watching porn in the Chamber
Viewers of the Parliament Channel were startled this morning, when it appeared that Jacob Rees-Mogg, Leader of the House of Commons, was watching pornography on his smartphone. It happened during Prime Minister's Questions. Boris Johnson was at th…
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Radio 1 - 53 years of more of the same
Man just saying hello to everyone now
Train Guard Denies Being Whistleblower
Masochist who hates the Geordie accent now only watching episodes of Vera
I'm A Celebrity being moved to Glasgow
Liverpool woman finds garden lawn vanished overnight
Crowds throng to beaches ... except Skegness
Man realises his passionate arguments are no match for his wife’s facts
Parents more ashamed of their son's music taste than his appearance on Naked Attraction
Harry and Meghan publish cookbook
Two blokes in their seventies are the only applicants for a job
Fears of a Second Covid19 pandemic are being started
Man watching the X Files for the 13th time
Man about town Wayne Badger has told the three readers of his blog, Blog off the lot of you, that he is now watching 1990s televisual treat 'The X Files' for the thirteenth time. 'I started when it first came out, like most of us, fancying Gillian…
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Man Is Lost For Words
A man who likes to voice his opinion, whether it's wanted or not, and is never short of something to say, regardless of what anyone else thinks, is quiet tonight, after becoming, according to a close friend, "lost for words". Myke Woodson, who reg…
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Is the COVID-19 Vaccine the Mark of the Beast?
It all started with Kanye West. Kanye West, the famous rapper, recently became what is loosely termed a 'Born-Again' Christian. Many Christians were excited because of his large following. His influence is world-wide. In a recent Tweet to his f…
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Britain more divided than ever before - poll
A poll of 2,000 adults throughout Great Britain has ascertained that, contrary to popular belief, there is more division in our society than at any time during the whole history of polls. It had been found that, in a similar poll conducted prior t…
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Social media users mock Guernsey Police
Guernsey Police seeks to fill nine roles for police officers, but their recruitment video has met with criticism and laughter. "It's like Hot Fuzz with explosions detonating, armed raids and high-speed car chases," said resident Mike Jersey. "I me…
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Smelly Passenger Forces Plane Into Luton
An Air Belgium plane from Belgium was forced to make an emergency landing at Luton airport this morning after a passenger’s body odour was so bad that other passengers were 'vomiting and fainting'. "It was terrible," Lionel Overdapless, one passen…
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Government redefines 'vegetable' to tackle obesity
The current drive to reduce obesity took a strange turn today. Mike Okesflat, Health Minister, told us that, rather than get people to eat less and exercise more, they would simply redefine the meaning of 'vegetable'. "We all know that you hav…
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Panic In Theatreland: He Gave It His All
Staff at Desperately Different Theatre Productions panicked when they received a suspicious cylindrical object in the post. “I never panic,” said Norton Fitzwarren, soon to be seen as First Scaffolder’s Mate in “Lady Macbeth Builds a Silo” at the Der…
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Lockdown to be enforced on alternate days
The on-off on-off lockdown put in place by the government due to the Coronavirus is set to be scheduled for yet another change, according to reports coming out of Downing Street this morning. All but 'essential workers' were told to "baton down th…
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All new UK homes to get 'automatic' planning permission
New homes and hospitals will be granted "automatic" permission to be built as part of sweeping planning reforms in England, Robert Jenrick, the housing secretary, says. "We realise that this is going to be open season for the erection of monstrous…
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Home Secretary Priti Patel discontinues tool to assess visa applications
The Home Office is to scrap a controversial decision-making tool that migrants’ rights campaigners claim created a “hostile environment” for people applying for UK visas. Whilst most other First World countries use complicated “streaming algorithm…
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Man Had A Friend Who Had A Friend Who Was Going Bald At School
A man has recalled how his best friend at school was in the same class as a boy who was going bald. Moys Kenwood, then 13, and his best pal, Derek, a year older, lived near each other, and spent much time in each other's company, playing football,…
Read full storyLatest Spoof UK Headlines
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Brexit Brits go to Spain even though they voted to leave!
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Government scheme to promote cycling for health stumbles at first hurdle
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Man kisses ugly woman 'for bet'
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Boris admits mistakes were made but he’ll do better next time
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1970s Soviet interference at the BBC can now be exposed
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Stonehenge mystery finally solved
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Veteran Coupon Collector finally achieves his goal
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Evidence mounts that police only catch the idiots or stupid ones - sometimes they are the same.
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And Another Thing - I’m Angry
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Boy is looking forward to Halloween
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Boris Johnson tackles the current Covid-19 obesity links
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Supermarket adopts novel way to encourage Mask Wearing in store
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Stephen Yaxley-Lennon flees to Spain
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London store Arrods adopts foolproof 'Social Distancing' method
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Couple in argument over last Rolo
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Man wiped arse
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Fears of a Second Covid19 pandemic are being started
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Wind blew so hard, it gave man a middle parting
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Preston Is Full Of Granny-Killers
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Orgasm theft is crude, messy and indiscriminate - but good value for money
