NFL Bans Trump From Going To or Even Watching NFL Games
"President Trump is no longer welcome in any NFL facility" a representative from the NFL Commissioner's office announced. "We have found that his presence is just too disruptive for the players. The owners don't really give a fig what the players do...Read full story
England Still Have Everything To Play For
England manager Gareth Southgate knows that he has a tricky job on his hands to raise his troops for tomorrow's game with Belgium, but has buoyed them with the rallying call that: Everything is still to play for - except for the World Cup, that...Read full story
Golden Shower Dampens World Cup Final Celebrations
France and Croatia provided a stunning finale to the World Cup last night, and, in a wonderful show of footballing skills, the French ran out 4-2 victors. Sadly, there was an unfortunate footnote to the tournament, when an argument broke out over the...Read full story
The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.
You know I told you so. It's taken a day or two for me to get over my anger, but now I feel free to vent my spleen. Forget Gareth's M&S waistcoat, the penalty win over Columbia, slab head Maguire's goal, getting us to the semi-final and all th...Read full story
England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!
Let the celebrations begin! The England football team, so often derided in the past and labelled 'disappointing' at major tournaments, have at last 'completed the job', 'delivered the goods', and, in one last pathetic strain for a brilliant flower...Read full story
The Secret England Footballer: World Cup Shambles, My Personal Roundup
By the time you read this, I'll be back in Blighty doing the biz with the owner's daughter again. Just what I need and so does she. We'll be off to Ibiza for some pre-season R&R shortly. Well, never let it be said that I didn't do my best for...Read full story
Women's Football Commentary Comes Under Fire
A survey amongst 3,000 football supporters of both sexes and all ages, to ascertain their opinions on female commentators of football matches, has concluded that the ladies should probably get back in their kitchens. Recent controversies involving...Read full story
Fake FriendSurprise, surprise! Apparently, Omarosa was Trump’s fake friend. This is definitely sad.
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Joined: 07 April 2005
Stories Written: 9
Joined: 07 April 2005
Stories Written: 9
England Cricket Team On Verge Of Historic Whitewash
The England cricket team, fresh from their latest spanking of Australia, are on the cusp of a famous whitewash - the old brick pavilion at Old Trafford. The pavilion at Lancashire County Cricket Club's headquarters has been looking a little run-do...Read full story
Tour de France Bike Safety Changes
The Tour de France, cycling's premier, most prestigious, most demanding and, arguably, most dangerous challenge, is going soft, it has been reported. The gruelling event where many of the seasoned and ultra-fit competitors consider it a lifetime a...Read full story
Wimbledon 2018: Wondergirls Guide
The Wimbledon Tennis Championships start on 2 July at SW19, and there are some tasty-looking female competitors taking part once again, for all those viewers who aren't that keen on watching tennis, but don't mind a bit of 'leerage'. So, for your del...Read full story
Man looking for a quiet place for a drink on Wednesday and Sunday.
Walter Klondyke Smith, 56, has explained to us that he is desperately trying to think of a quiet pub he can go to on Wednesday and Sunday night when if all goes to plan some multi-millionaires will be kicking a ball around a field thousands of miles...Read full story
England Trounces Panama after Surprise Goals
England surged to a 6-1 victory against Panama today in the most surprising and uplifting match so far in the World Cup. Harry Kane was so successful at scoring goals during the match that he actually scored a goal withour realising it and had to...Read full story
Iran Are 'The Team To Watch'
The long-awaited FIFA World Cup 2018 is under way in Russia, and, in a shock development nobody would have predicted, Iran have emerged as dark horses to win the Jules Rimet Trophy. Pitched headlong into the Group of Death along with Spain, Portug...Read full story
Men realises waistcoats aren't the way to go in a heatwave
Tony Hemmings, 33, the cock of the walk in Basingstoke has realised that despite Gareth Southgate's leading work in the field, waist-coats are not the defacto male clothing to be worn during a heat-wave. 'Imagine my surprise, to be following the s...Read full story
The Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Repino base
What a dump. I checked Tripadvisor before coming here and it's even worse then I thought. I'm in the middle of nowhere and there are less than 3,000 people here. Points of interest: Chapel of Saints Cosmas and Damian, you won't find me in there,...Read full story