Biden's Bland Yet Forceful Denial of Sexual Assault Allegations Gives Americans New Hope for Nation

Written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

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"We haven't had such an honorable man in office since Bill Clinton," said one hopeful American.

Desperate for a glimpse of a light at the end of the “Trump tunnel,” Americans troubled by the sexual assault allegations made by former Senate aide, Tara Reade, against presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, felt renewed hope for the nation, after Biden blandly, yet forcefully, denied remembering engaging in non-consensual sexual contact with Reade.

“I had no idea how he was possibly going to respond to these extremely detailed allegations,” said Janet McIntire of Nashville, Tennessee, “but his blanket denial really impressed me. Whatever my expectations were, he definitely exceeded them.”

Annette Johnson of St. Louis, Missouri, agreed. “They were such highly credible accusations, and he met them with good humor and grace. It was very refreshing - a true testament to his character. I think it's clear that we've finally found the leader who can save our country from its current downward trajectory to oblivion."

And Ken Chase of Nashville, Tennessee, said that, to him, Biden's sensitive, overtly human response to Reade’s accusations offered promise of a new era of true American "greatness," in the form of honesty, integrity, and mutual respect. “We haven’t had such an honorable man in office since Bill Clinton,” said Chase. “Things are finally looking up for the good old U-S-of-A."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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