The Trumps Talk About Killing Elephants, Pedophilia, and Crazy Nancy

Written by Keith Shirey

Thursday, 21 May 2020

image for The Trumps Talk About Killing Elephants, Pedophilia, and Crazy Nancy
Trump says she's crazy, but who really is?

President Trump and his two boys had a very rare meeting to discuss politics last Tuesday. The offspring had an alcoholic drink, and the President, a teetotaler, ordered some fried chicken. Trump earlier had a dinner of two Big Macs, fried chicken, and a small shake. For desert he had a slice of apple pie with two scoops of ice cream.

As background, and perhaps the major cause of the meeting, Speaker Nancy Pelosi had likened Donald Trump and his aides (certainly including Donald Jr.) to children with dog feces on their shoes. The insulting remark came days after Pelosi described the president as "morbidly obese".

"It’s almost like a child who comes in with mud on their pants or something," said Pelosi. "He comes in with doggy-doo on his shoes, and everybody who works with him has it on their shoes, too, for a very long time to come," she added.

At the meeting with Donald Jr. and Eric, Trump mused, "I think she’s mad at me because of my tweeting about 'Obamagate' and my calling it 'the biggest political crime in American history'. She's upset because she's in love with Barack. Of course, I was just being playful about Obamagate; it was just a jest. It’s like when Donald Trump Jr. repeated a meme he saw on the internet that Joe Biden is a pedophile. Junior said it was just a joke. I think it was pretty funny too - maybe even hilarious!"

Junior exclaimed, "I suppose, if we made fun of incest, rape, assaults on women and COVID-19 deaths, the Democrats would be upset. But it would all be in good fun! It would be in good taste. But they just wouldn’t get it."

He continued, "Nancy and the Democrats wouldn’t understand that we really were just having a fun time, like when brother Eric and I go hunting and shoot elephants, leopards, and buffalo. Boy, did they protest. See, Pelosi and the Democrats don’t like it when people have a good time."

"Of course, Daddy did us a big favor when he loosened curbs around the import of elephant trophies. Now we can shoot them without Pelosi complaining. I just can’t wait until we go back to Africa and eat exotic meat by the campfire," said Donald Trump Jr.

"Are you going to have elephant dung in your shoes, and bring them home to your new girlfriend’s house Donnie?" asked brother, Eric. "That would be really funny if she didn’t like it and got pissed off! But, as Pelosi would say, the smell would last for a very long time to come in the house. That would be really neat."

Trump Sr. smiled with his mouth full of chicken, and the boys doubled up in laughter. President Trump exclaimed, "Crazy Nancy!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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