Coronavirus Social Distancing Distance Reduced To 4' 6"

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 29 May 2020

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In a surprise move, this afternoon, Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced in the Commons that the distance of 6 feet that had been the lower limit at which people should practise 'social distancing', is to be partially reduced, to 4 feet 6 inches from next Monday.

The Coronavirus, COVID-19, is now thought to be weakening, and cannot reach a full 6 feet to launch an attack that far away. The new 4 feet 6 inches distance is thought to be its limit.

The change means that people will now be able to stand 18 inches closer to others than they currently can.

Science experts say they are battling to be able to get the distance down to 3 feet, or possibly 2 feet 8 inches, by August.

The Prime Minister, the focus of the nation's disbelief when he spoke out in support of his chief adviser, Dominic Cummings, earlier this week, said:

"I haven't an idea what I'm talking about, and almost wish I'd never won the Conservative leadership race."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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