Blabbermouth Woman Tells Her Neighbour She's "Been Saying This All Along"

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 12 May 2020

image for Blabbermouth Woman Tells Her Neighbour She's "Been Saying This All Along"
She's been saying this all along, but nobody listens

A woman has told her neighbour that, despite all the expert medical Coronavirus advice being despatched on an almost-daily basis to the general public, she doesn't really need it, as it's exactly what she's been saying all along.

Janice Frigg, who works in a laundrette in Oaf-on-Sea, East Yorkshire, told her next-door-neighbour, Jill, that, without any medical teaining, nor experience of virology, she has consistently been able to analyse the ongoing situation and correctly predict the experts' next moves.

The news, last week, that French scientists have said that Covid-19 was present in France as far back ago as November, meaning it did not originate in China, is just one example.

Said Frigg:

"It's wot av bin sayin all along. It dint cum from Chiner. It probbly cum from frogs' legs."

Another thing which Janice has been saying all along, is that wearing a facemask is little help in avoiding the virus. She said:

"It's onny wot av bin sayin all along. Y'cart stoppa virus with them daft masks! Thee look like fuckin nappies!"

And doubts over the efficacy of the lockdown and stay-at-home policy were also being voiced by Frigg, even as the government's science officers were recommending them.

Frigg:

"Ah sed to a woman on the bus, ah sed 'It woat werk, that. It'll tek more then that t'get ridduvit'. Ah sed that right from the start!"

New assessments by medical staff as to how many people might succumb to the virus show that the figure may turn out to be much lower than initial estimates.

Janice spouted:

"It's obvious, innit? It's like ah sed in the beginnin: thee just eggs hatcheratin! Thee always do. Av bin sayin it all along!"

And the growing unrest amongst the working population to get back to their places of toil, wasn't lost on the 'savvy' laundress either. She said:

"F'fuck's sake! People wanna buy stuff, dote thee? An, t'buy stuff, y'need money. People need to be at werk - av bin sayin this all along, but no fucker listens t'me! Ah might as well not bovver, an keep me fuckin gob shut!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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