Boston University May Reclassify Major in "Economics"
NEW YORK - The recent election of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for New York's 14th Congressional district has brought national attention to the role of politics in economic development. The Political Rock-Star "AOC" disrupted an astounding deal for Amazo...Read full story
Man In Boardroom Smelt It, But Had Not Dealt It
A man in a boardroom meeting has told how he became aware of an odious smell that had nothing to do with him. Michael Brackley, 26, an executive trainee at Pratley-Whiffer Marketing Consultants explained that he was in a group policy meeting on ma...Read full story
Wetherspoon's Profits Plunge by 19%: "Nothing to do with Brexit"
Profits at old gits pub chain JD Wetherspoon fell 19% in the six months to the end of January. Wetherspoon's weirdo chairman, Brexit cheerleader Tim Martin, the last living proponent of the mullet, hairstyle of the gods, immediately announced that it...Read full story
Christmas Sales To Start On Christmas Day
Christmas bargain hunters will not have quite as long to wait for their 'Christmas bargains' this year, after businesses voted overwhelmingly to throw open their doors to customers at 6am on 25 December. The move comes as high-street traders try t...Read full story
Trump Breaks Dow With Premature Chinese Tariff Promise
Wall Street, Manhattan President Donald Trump has done it again, as he set a new record for negative tweeting. Because he broadcast a tariff deal as 'done' when it WASN'T done, the fine folks on Wall Street went into panic mode, and the Dow plunged 8...Read full story
Concerned Wisconsin Resident Determined To End 'Abusive' Company Strategy Of Selling Shitty, Expired Beer To People Who Live In The Midwest
Crawford County. After consuming two bottles of cheap wine and some tequila, smoking 3 packs of Marlboro Reds, and then relentlessly draining 28 cans of 'Natural Ice' beer, local resident, Brad Harvell, fell down on the front doorstep of his house b...Read full story
Wetherspoons Share Price Tumbles as Balham Pub Closes. Brexit "Not to Blame"
Trading in shares of old gits' pub chain JD Wetherspoons was suspended today after their value crashed on news that one of its flagship pubs The Moon Under Water in the London borough of Balham had been closed without notice. Although it was named...Read full story
Sears to Merge with Upscale 99 Cent Store
Sears Tower, Chicago. Edward Lampert, hedge fund manager and the largest stockholder in Sears, Roebuck and Co., today announced that his company's 400-plus stores would remain open under a deal he just negotiated with the nation's largest cut-rate do...Read full story
Old Bag Shopping Trolley Sales At 40-Year High
Figures out today reveal an unexpected upturn in retail sales for the month of January, with many shops that sell those 'old bag' shopping trolleys (pictured) reporting a huge increase in demand. The trolleys are the preferred method of conveying...Read full story
Stock Market Goes Down, Then Up, Then Down Again.
The stock market went up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down. It then rose before dropping. This was quickly followed by an increase, which was interrupted by a fall. The market then went up, then back down. It went up, down, u...Read full story
Nazis Sponsoring Nordic Walking Exercise Equipment?
A TV advertisement for a 'Nordic Walking' exercise machine involving several supremely fit-looking individuals whose healthy, energetic and confident demeanor resembled that of some sort of 'Master Race', has attracted the attention of a man in Tapon...Read full story
Gov't Shutdown Inspires Gemini Motors to Order "Work without Pay"
Detroit. In a bold move designed to keep five rocket engine plants open instead of being closed, Gemini Motors today informed the 25,000 workers who were facing layoffs that if they stay on the job without pay the plants will remain open. The comp...Read full story
Amazon To Lay Off Staff As Pre-Christmas 'Rush' Doesn't Happen
Amazon, the online shopping retailer, has said that it is facing being forced to make staff at its distribution centers redundant, as online sales for Christmas have fallen way below expected targets. Sales of goods are 28% down on those in the fi...Read full story
Trump to Print More Money to Pay Off the National Debt
Mar-A-Lago, Florida Upon hearing that his tax cut bill has added another trillion dollars to the national debt, President Trump called a press conference to address the National Debt. "The Fake News outlets are all complaining and lying about me i...Read full story
City Centre Retail Success Story Keeps On Growing
The value of being selected as the UK City of Culture has been proven beyond all shadow of a doubt, after the news that Hull, the 2017 incumbent, has expanded its city centre retail trade exponentially, according to local gossip. Despite losing it...Read full story
A Bag Of Chips Could Be £3 After Brexit
The price of a bag of chips from a local fish and chip shop is likely to rise to £3 after Britain leaves the EU, voters have been warned, a revelation that struck fear into the hearts of the underclasses. The Prime Minister, Theresa May, told repo...Read full story