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National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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Barwood
Joined: 15 January 2006
Stories Written: 32

Seven day catch up

Check out anything you've missed with the archive:

Chinese pot noodles hit by pizza tsunami!

Funny story: Chinese pot noodles hit by pizza tsunami!

The basic diet of billions of Chinese is being swept from under their bare feet by an 'Italian tsunami' causing a 'Domino' effect on the nutritional foundations of the most populated country on the planet! Chinese pot noodles, eaten by the rich, t...

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Mnuchin™ to Foreclose on Puetro Rico

Funny story: Mnuchin™ to Foreclose on Puetro Rico

Given the debt Puerto Rico has to Wall St and now they are unable to make their designated payments due to the 2 recent Hurricanes the most compassionate and all wise Treasury Secretary has decided to Foreclose on the entire region. Apparently Her...

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Some Teachers Actually Go into Teaching for the Money

Funny story: Some Teachers Actually Go into Teaching for the Money

Apparently, it's the result of low expectations and outright confusion. "I used to work in Walmart," said one untenured teacher, two years into the profession. "I get at least twice the pay, but I also don't get the 5% discount, so it's a wash. I...

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First white soft drink set to be unveiled

Funny story: First white soft drink set to be unveiled

The Stormer Beverage Corporation is set to unveil a new soft drink within the next few months. The beverage is called Liquid White, and is the world's first white carbonated cola beverage. "For years, soft drinks have been similar in hue to minori...

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First Tentacle Bank is set to do business on Planet Earth

Funny story: First Tentacle Bank is set to do business on Planet Earth

First Tentacle Bank of Planet Purplonia is getting ready to bring their business to Earth. New television ads for the bank proclaim, "At First Tentacle, we offer loans at 2% APR, savings at 16% interest. How does that grab you?" Financial experts...

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Plastic Free Markets

Funny story: Plastic Free Markets

A food market in Amsterdam announced a special aisle in its store that will contain exactly zero plastic packaging. The global epidemic of plastic pollution of our oceans and lands has spurred an effort to reduce our use of unnecessary plastic wrappi...

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Trump Explains How Obama and Crooked Hillary Caused the Stock Market to Go Way Down

Funny story: Trump Explains How Obama and Crooked Hillary Caused the Stock Market to Go Way Down

Mar-A-Lago, FL President Trump gave a brief interview in-between the third and fourth course of a banquet at Mar-A-Lago today. It was honoring Over a Year of Trump and Still No Nuclear War. When he was asked why the stock market went down after...

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Dicken's three ghosts now doing everything by email

Funny story: Dicken's three ghosts now doing everything by email

The ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and yet to come now do all of their work by email, it has been revealed. Speaking to us, for the first time since 2008, the three ghosts have told us that due to the amount of greed, and lack of basic humanity,...

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