Business Brief

19 March 2019

Boston University May Reclassify Major in "Economics"

NEW YORK - The recent election of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for New York's 14th Congressional district has brought national attention to the role of politics in economic development. The Political Rock-Star "AOC" disrupted an astounding deal for Amazo...

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Man In Boardroom Smelt It, But Had Not Dealt It

A man in a boardroom meeting has told how he became aware of an odious smell that had nothing to do with him. Michael Brackley, 26, an executive trainee at Pratley-Whiffer Marketing Consultants explained that he was in a group policy meeting on ma...

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Wetherspoon's Profits Plunge by 19%: "Nothing to do with Brexit"

Profits at old gits pub chain JD Wetherspoon fell 19% in the six months to the end of January. Wetherspoon's weirdo chairman, Brexit cheerleader Tim Martin, the last living proponent of the mullet, hairstyle of the gods, immediately announced that it...

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Christmas Sales To Start On Christmas Day

Christmas bargain hunters will not have quite as long to wait for their 'Christmas bargains' this year, after businesses voted overwhelmingly to throw open their doors to customers at 6am on 25 December. The move comes as high-street traders try t...

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Marks & Spencer Staff Barricade Themselves Inside Shop

Spoof Classifieds- Position Available, Climate Science Editor for Right Wing Blog Site

Valentine's Day Cards Withdrawn From Shelves In 'Porn' Row

Karl Lagerfeld Cat To Make Changes To Brand

Jeff Bezos Divorce Proves Money Can't Buy Happiness

Brexit Analysis Impossible Until After Brexit, Claims Man Who Only Reads Sports Pages

France exports explosive spud to Hong Kong!

Rare Coin Arouses Interest On eBay

Russian Hackers Manipulating Dow Jones Averages

Party Time as Makers of Viagra, Chapstick and Sensodyne Toothpaste Combine

Bezos Takes Over National Enquirer and Merges it With Washington Post

Chinese 'Rat a to EEEEEEEgh' dish causes stock exchange meltdown!

Trump Breaks Dow With Premature Chinese Tariff Promise

Wall Street, Manhattan President Donald Trump has done it again, as he set a new record for negative tweeting. Because he broadcast a tariff deal as 'done' when it WASN'T done, the fine folks on Wall Street went into panic mode, and the Dow plunged 8...

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Concerned Wisconsin Resident Determined To End 'Abusive' Company Strategy Of Selling Shitty, Expired Beer To People Who Live In The Midwest

Funny story: Concerned Wisconsin Resident Determined To End 'Abusive' Company Strategy Of Selling Shitty, Expired Beer To People Who Live In The Midwest

Crawford County. After consuming two bottles of cheap wine and some tequila, smoking 3 packs of Marlboro Reds, and then relentlessly draining 28 cans of 'Natural Ice' beer, local resident, Brad Harvell, fell down on the front doorstep of his house b...

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Wetherspoons Share Price Tumbles as Balham Pub Closes. Brexit "Not to Blame"

Trading in shares of old gits' pub chain JD Wetherspoons was suspended today after their value crashed on news that one of its flagship pubs The Moon Under Water in the London borough of Balham had been closed without notice. Although it was named...

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Sears to Merge with Upscale 99 Cent Store

Sears Tower, Chicago. Edward Lampert, hedge fund manager and the largest stockholder in Sears, Roebuck and Co., today announced that his company's 400-plus stores would remain open under a deal he just negotiated with the nation's largest cut-rate do...

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Seven day catch up

Check out anything you've missed with the archive:

Old Bag Shopping Trolley Sales At 40-Year High

Figures out today reveal an unexpected upturn in retail sales for the month of January, with many shops that sell those 'old bag' shopping trolleys (pictured) reporting a huge increase in demand. The trolleys are the preferred method of conveying...

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Stock Market Goes Down, Then Up, Then Down Again.

The stock market went up, then down, then up, then down, then up, then down. It then rose before dropping. This was quickly followed by an increase, which was interrupted by a fall. The market then went up, then back down. It went up, down, u...

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Nazis Sponsoring Nordic Walking Exercise Equipment?

A TV advertisement for a 'Nordic Walking' exercise machine involving several supremely fit-looking individuals whose healthy, energetic and confident demeanor resembled that of some sort of 'Master Race', has attracted the attention of a man in Tapon...

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Business Brief

Boston University May Reclassify Major in "Economics"

Man In Boardroom Smelt It, But Had Not Dealt It

Wetherspoon's Profits Plunge by 19%: "Nothing to do with Brexit"

Christmas Sales To Start On Christmas Day

Trump Breaks Dow With Premature Chinese Tariff Promise

Concerned Wisconsin Resident Determined To End 'Abusive' Company Strategy Of Selling Shitty, Expired Beer To People Who Live In The Midwest

Wetherspoons Share Price Tumbles as Balham Pub Closes. Brexit "Not to Blame"

Sears to Merge with Upscale 99 Cent Store

Seven day catch up

Old Bag Shopping Trolley Sales At 40-Year High

Stock Market Goes Down, Then Up, Then Down Again.

Nazis Sponsoring Nordic Walking Exercise Equipment?

Gov't Shutdown Inspires Gemini Motors to Order "Work without Pay"

Amazon To Lay Off Staff As Pre-Christmas 'Rush' Doesn't Happen

Trump to Print More Money to Pay Off the National Debt

City Centre Retail Success Story Keeps On Growing

A Bag Of Chips Could Be £3 After Brexit

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