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Paxton Quigley
Paxton Quigley
Joined: 02 June 2012
Stories Written: 59

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Man starts artisan coat hanger business

Funny story: Man starts artisan coat hanger business

Tarquin Smythe Brassington Heckingthump III from Chutney on the Fritz has launched his own artisan coat-hanging business. Heckingthump III told us, ‘From where I see it, a house overlooking the better part of the Thames, the times are just right f...

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Artisan Coat-Hanger business becomes Artisan Paper-clip making business

Funny story: Artisan Coat-Hanger business becomes Artisan Paper-clip making business

Following the recent collapse of his Artisan Coat-Hanger making business successful business-man Tarquin Smythe Brassington Heckingthump III from Chutney on the Fritz has started up his own Artisan paper-clip making business instead. 'Well, what i...

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McDonut's burgers found to have traces of meat

Following claims by the McDonut's chain that their burgers are more nutritious than a rump steak, the International Standards Association conducted a scientific analysis of their burgers globally. The summarised results show the following slightly wo...

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Should Mermaids Make More Money Than Mermen?

Funny story: Should Mermaids Make More Money Than Mermen?

"Absolutely not," said one merman. "I mean, mermaids are a dime a dozen, not rare or unique at all, so they just deserve a standard rate, right?" He continued, "Mermen, on the other hand, are unique and rare, and deserve to be paid premium rates."...

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Dyson sucks hot air out of Europe!

Funny story: Dyson sucks hot air out of Europe!

Sir James Dyson and his vacuum cleaners have been at war with their European competitors over suction! He claims his cleaners suck better than German ones, and that even before Brexit! Sir James is out to prove to the rest of Europe that Brit suck...

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Dicken's three ghosts now doing everything by email

Funny story: Dicken's three ghosts now doing everything by email

The ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and yet to come now do all of their work by email, it has been revealed. Speaking to us, for the first time since 2008, the three ghosts have told us that due to the amount of greed, and lack of basic humanity,...

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America's 'Statue Removal' Craze Triggers The Downfall Of An Icon

For over 50 years Ronald McDonald has been a symbol of family and fun spreading happiness to children of all ages around the world. But earlier today, thousands of Ronald McDonald statues across the globe were either taken down or covered with bla...

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First Tentacle Bank is set to do business on Planet Earth

Funny story: First Tentacle Bank is set to do business on Planet Earth

First Tentacle Bank of Planet Purplonia is getting ready to bring their business to Earth. New television ads for the bank proclaim, "At First Tentacle, we offer loans at 2% APR, savings at 16% interest. How does that grab you?" Financial experts...

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