In news that many will find scarcely believable, it's been reported that a change is afoot at Cerne Abbas, the Dorset village where a giant image of a man with a huge cock and balls dominates a chalk hillside - its penis is starting to droop.
Initially thought to have been carved into the chalk earth by ancient Britons in the Iron Age, the figure is 180 feet tall, and its penis, which has stood erect for 3,000 years, had measured 36 feet from the base of its shaft to the top of its helmet - but not any more.
Recently, locals say they've detected a 'weakening in the figure's resolve', a 'softening in its stance', and a 'more laid back' approach to its appearance.
In short, the knob is becoming limp.
The site is owned by the National Trust. A spokesman said:
"You can trust us. That cock is getting smaller. It used to reach right up under his chin, but, sadly, it's now a shadow of its former self."
And visitor numbers to the site are down:
"Well, yes, there's the Coronavirus, of course, but it's been coming for a long while. These days, we're lucky if we get a dribble of visitors. It used to be impressive, but nobody is interested in travelling a long distance to see a shrinking penis."
It's not known why the penis is downsizing, and, frankly, nobody cares.
Police are not investigating.
