AUSTIN – The Guild of Lone Star State Veterinarians has issued an emergency directive regarding the legendary folkloric creature known as La Chupacabra.
The name Chupacabra literally means 'goat sucker', and the animal was first spotted in Texas in 1995.
Since then, it has wreaked havoc on ranchers' livestock in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, and Massachusetts.
Experts believe that the Chupacabra, could be carrying bacteria traces of the dreaded Coronavirus, as well as athlete’s foot germs.
They point out that it will sneak up on an unsuspecting goat, as it is eating bluebonnets, and pounce on the goat, scaring the hell out of it.
Contrary to what members of the CIA have said, the Chupacabra does not kill animals, it only sucks anywhere from a quart to seven gallons of their blood.
Noted Cupacabra expert Maynard G. Bindybock, who has written thirteen books on the subject, states that the creature is actually quite misunderstood.
A tourist visiting from Mississippi reportedly saw it outside of Dime Box, Texas, and shot at it. He missed the Chupacabra, but he did end up wounding a 2012 Kia Sorento.
Dr. Bindybock said that he and another member took a DNA sample from a piece of onion ring that Chupi was chewing.
The results shocked the good doctor. He pointed out that the Chupacabra’s DNA and President Trump's DNA were an exact match.