Man still lost in Ikea

Written by Ben Macnair

Wednesday, 27 May 2020

image for Man still lost in Ikea
You won't believe the things I have seen......

A man who has been missing since the beginning of the lockdown is thought to be still lost in a West Midlands branch of Ikea.

Ladies man, Brian Asshat, was just looking for some Billy Bookcases, and some picture frames, but hasn't been seen on the streets of Chutney on the Fritz since mid-March.

The local eccentric has no close relatives, and is often approached with caution on the streets of the small hamlet, where his habit of shoe-throwing, gurning and picking holes in people's sentence construction stops any form of friendship forming.

Local teenager, Thomas Johnson, walking to the park to see his good friend, Sarah, said: 'Brian Asshat, I only realised he wasn't in when I walked past his house and no shoes came in my direction. I thought maybe I was just lucky, but it hasn't happened for weeks now. I mentioned it to Mum and Dad, and they read on his blog that he was off to Ikea, so we assume he has just been locked in there.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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