Biden says boiled baby remark too salty for his taste

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 24 May 2020

image for Biden says boiled baby remark too salty for his taste
"I'm Joe Biden and do I have a story to tell you!"

Presidential nominee-to-be Joe Biden has responded to a columnist's devotion to him over all other candidates, particularly Donald Trump.

The Nation's Katha Pollitt recently stated she would support Biden “if he boiled babies and ate them.”

This reference belongs to a trend in political circles in the past few years.

Bragging about personal charm, now includes evil acts that are in a lesser category to a candidate's nearly-hypnotic power over others.

During his run for the presidency, for example, Mr. Trump is rumored to have said he could shoot somebody on Broadway in broad daylight and get away with it.

Measurement of personal glory is important to our leaders. Recall Mr. Trump's comments on his brain and its superb qualities.

However, Ms. Pollitt has implied that Mr. Trump is so disgusting as a leader, even were Mr. Biden to add boiled, buttered, and salted babies to his dinner menu, she would still have devotion for him.

Might this philosophical view be a colorful version of “Any port in a storm”?

"No, no, no,” an anonymous spokesperson for Ms. Pollitt responded.

“Were Mr. Biden to engage in this practice--despite our personal taste--well, he is in a superior position! He could be president!”

“He knows better than we lesser mortals, and so therefore we salute him, we honor him, we worship him!”

Mr. Biden:

“Look, I understand Ms. Pollitt got this recipe from somewhere, all right?”

“Ah, Mr. Biden--”

“I think it was from this old time dude, way back named Jonathan Swift. Or something? He put out this thing called 'A Modest Proposal'."

"My understanding is, this is a cookbook you can't go wrong with!”

“No, no, no, Mr. Biden. It's not a cookbook. It's a satirical essay on boiling babies to alleviate famine and general problems for the populace . . . The analogy for today would be you politicians and your ruinous policies are causing deaths needlessly.”

“Oh, well, in that case I'm a little disappointed. But I must say the recipe I was looking at--”

“Mr. Biden?”

“Well, yes, I mean thanks to Ms. Pollitt for trying to help me out here, but so much salt in that recipe, I just can't handle that.”

“Ah . . ."

“Otherwise, I'm open, I like to try out different possibilities. What's wrong with that?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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