"Sorry, what was that?" TOP Tips for Terrible Listeners
Listening is all the rage these days, but what to do if it’s just not your strong suit? Here are the top tips compiled by extroverted experts for that can save you from developing a reputation as a terrible listener – without having to do any act...
Read full storyDon’t Worry About Missing Sex Files, Pope Is Told, Bob Mueller Has A Copy
Rome, Italy - (Reuters): “Phew, Your Eminence,” the Pontifical Attorney for the Holy Spanish Inquisition said today as a Vatican conference on sex abuse ‘laughed itself silly’ on hearing the Pope’s predecessors had systematically destroyed abuse arc...
Read full storyHave Bad Breath? Scaly Green Teeth? Chances Are You Are A Liberal
BILLINGSGATE POST: What your political values are can affect your breath and teeth. Until recently, it was only suspected that leftist leaning socialists were more prone to terminal halitosis and scaly green teeth. In a project funded by the RNC...
Read full storyJFK Assassination: New Evidence Comes To Light
When shots rang out in front of the Texas School Book Depository, in Dallas, and President John F. Kennedy lay dying in his limousine, it didn't take police long to apprehend his killer, Lee Harvey Oswald, who was, two days later, then murdered by ni...
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Former Cowboy Takes to Vegan Living like a Horse to Oats
L. A.'s Homeless Flea
Man On Park Bench Ruminates On Whether Or Not It's Worth Going On
US State Department Offers $10million 'Bounty' On Bin Laden Junior
Mayor Brags that NYC Only Fifth-Worst City to Live In
Trump Issues Executive Order Forming "The Comedy Police"
"I'm Looking For Somebody Who Is Sexually Experienced" Still Best Way Of Not Saying "I'm A Self-Absorbed, Insecure, Materialistic, Valueless Queen Who Needs My Crotch Pleased" on Dating Profiles
Marriages on the Fritz as Women "Marie Kondo" Their Husbands
Forget Tax Returns, Find Trump’s School Grades And SAT Scores
Trump Calls Bernie Sanders, Ocasio-Cortez and Adam Schiff: "Two Jerks And A Squirt"
Death Row Convict Escapes
Man wishes people would take his complaints seriously, like they do that Mr Trump
Nashville Skeptic Nails Sweet Spot of Reverent but Hip with Agnosticism
Raised as a Christian but subsequently coming to question his faith, Chris Jones of Nashville, Tennessee, finally arrived at the perfect balance of reverence and hipness in the form of agnosticism. "I've found that skeptical sweet spot," said Chri...
Read full storyJussie Smollett re-arrested for assault on people's intelligence
Jussie Smollett handed himself in to police at 5am on Thursday, after being charged with assaulting the intelligence of the majority of normal-thinking Americans, and a few stupid ones. Late on Wednesday night, Smollett was charged with 'assault w...
Read full storyTrump Cancels Wall; Emergency Funds will build Fortified Train
Hanoi, Vietnam, President Donald Trump was so impressed by the luxurious, fortified train that brought North Korea's Kim Jong-un to the Hanoi Summit, that he has canceled the U. S.-Mexico border wall, opting instead for construction of his own stream...
Read full storyNew York Artist Unsuccessfully Tries to Sell Out
Fed up with life as a struggling artist, abstract modernist painter Hal Fisher of New York City decided to abandon his artistic integrity and sell out – only to find that no one was interested in buying. “Talk about taking it in the balls,” said H...
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Jussie Smollett Update: Trump Supporters Shocked at Spectacle of Entertainer Lying to the Public
Chicago - Television star Jussie Smollett was arrested Thursday and charged with lying to the public and law enforcement about an alleged attack which two brothers from Nigeria apparently helped him set up. Reaction was swift from the people on so...
Read full storyRussians Kidnap Nerdy American Scientists and Force Them to Watch Judd Apatow Movies
New York - After Russian authorities were suspected of poisoning former Russian counterspies in Britain, and the mysterious deaths of a few anti-Putin Russian journalists, a new revelation has shaken the relations between the superpower and the Unite...
Read full storyPresident Trump's Wall Is Finished
Sources at the White House have said that President Donald Trump's controversial wall at the US/Mexican border is finished. It's not clear what's meant by this, however. It could be 'finished' in the sense that, the wall has, during recent week...
Read full storyConfused Aspiring Accountant Accidentally Ends Up in Taxidermy School
Due to some verbal confusion, 18-year-old Marshall Finkelstein of Hackensack, New Jersey, who had always dreamed of becoming an accountant so that, like his dad, he could help people with their taxes, wound up applying - and being accepted - to taxid...
Read full storyHomeless Flee LA; Fear "Forced Housing"
While social workers continue to report tens of thousands living on the city's streets, under freeway overpasses, and on islands in the usually dry riverbed, the homeless exodus from the nation's second largest city has begun in earnest. The impetus...
Read full storyNation Within Range of Unhinged Lunatic’s Nukes Says it's “Pretty Sure Trump Paid Porn Star”
Washington - An entire country, under immediate danger from a completely deranged madman with an arsenal of nuclear missiles capable of taking out tens of millions of people, found itself glued to the television set as Michael Cohen, former lawyer an...
Read full story(Former) Vegan YouTube Star Returns to Eating Eggs and Fish Due to Abnormally Low Cholesterol, Mercury and Arsenic Levels
To the immense disappointment of his vegan fans around the world, YouTube star and former plant-based advocate Leif Burke announced that, due to health concerns regarding his abnormally low cholesterol, mercury, and arsenic levels, he has again begun...
Read full storyLatest Spoof US Headlines
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Pelosi Calls For Standardized Jewish Slurs
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Americans Inspired by Climate Change Author's Message that Burgers Are Not the Problem
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US agency to receive “Laundryland and Sunshine Award” for actions in the new century so far
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Americans United in How Much They Hate Each Other
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CNN Source Identified Only as "Beavis": Moscow Trump Tower Erection Story was Killed by Pecker at Enquirer
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Trump MAGA Rally Crowd of Billionaires Thrilled by President's News that "Stock Market Will Soar"
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Trump to Offer Online Course: "Effective Use of Social Media in POLITICS"
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College Student Forgets Aikido Training While Being Chased By Doppelganger
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There Are Far Too Many 'Isms' These Days, Says Man
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Don Jr A Sucker For Mother-In-Law’s Eyebrow Pomade
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Oklahoma Man Condemns Mosque Shooter for Giving White Supremacists a Bad Name
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Jussie Smollett Abandons Chess Game With Mate
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Brooklyn Man Brings Sorely Lacking Gravitas to His Social Circle
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Nashville Musician Determined to Face His (Possible) Alcohol Issues
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The War On Terror Is Over As Terror Concedes Defeat
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Democrats and Republicans Alike Lose Track of Why They Officially Condemn Whistleblower Chelsea Manning
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Trump Sues Self for Unauthorized Autobiography
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Inmate Throws "Poop Hammer" At Cell Extraction Team
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Latest Proclamation from Elizabeth Warren About Her “Native American Ancestry”
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The Four Horse’s Asses Of The Apocalypse
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President Trump Is Going To Run America In The Style Of A James Bond Villain
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Transcendental Meditator Struggles to Keep Things Real
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Andrew Yang melts down at SXSW Q&A as young man asks if he can collect UBI in reefer
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Miss Better BumBum, Miss Clit-Floss, Miss Here-It-All-Is challenge each other on the runways of New York and Paris
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Forklift Driver Glad He Can Finally Go Home On Friday And "Not Stop" After 5 Beers
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How Not to Avoid Jury Duty
