New Study Suggests Your Pets Not Actually Children
In a shocking study released by Arizona State University on Monday, researchers suggested that your pets may not actually be children. The consensus has attracted criticism from pet owners and scientists alike, who have nothing else tethering them to...Read full story
Woman Highly Unimpressed With The Man She Was Stalking
34-year-old Sharon Brooks, a violent, emotionally-disturbed, hyperactive, obsessive-compulsive, delusional, narcissistic nymphomaniac with a history of mental illness and a criminal record longer than a 'coast-to-coast' railroad, said that she was h...Read full story
Why Won't Trump Revoke Shrdlu's Security Clearance?
BERKELEY, CA. Left Coast community organizer Etaoin Shrdlu. long time leader of a Berkeley anti-fascist protest movement, expressed outrage today when he saw the list of 10 critics of President Donald Trump who have been threatened with loss of thei...Read full story
Ancient Document Sheds Light on Trumps Scottish Ancestry
It has been revealed that an ancient and valuable document has been found in the Outer Hebrides, part of Scotland, relating to POTUS Donald Trump's Scottish ancestry. The delicate parchment was discovered in a previously-unsearched chamber, deep b...Read full story
Nation Forgets Why They Are Outraged
In an almost-unprecedented event, the entirety of the United States seemingly forgot what it was that they were outraged about this morning. The phenomenon hasn’t been experienced since mid-September of 2013, and experts are hard at work to determine...Read full story
School Principal Openly Admits that He is a Power-Hungry Sack of Shit
Aaron Downing, a 45-year-old Principal at St. Lincoln High School, openly confessed last Tuesday that he is a big, stupid, arrogant, smelly, jerk-off, fuck-face, power-hungry, sack of shit. "I would like to take this time to announce that I am...Read full story
In final battle of Mexican-American War, Tucker Carlson reclaims tacos for America
On last night's state run media broadcast of Tucker Carlson Tonight, host Tucker Carlson reignited old hostilities that lay dormant for over 150 years. The issue: ownership of the disputed El Territorio de los Tacos. Halfway into a segment with ...Read full story
Trump Says He'll Retire From Politics When He's 100
President Donald Trump has said he will retire from politics 'completely', when he reaches the age of 100. He told reporters at the White House that, though he believes he has much to give, there is also much he has to receive, and he fully intend...Read full story
Putin Has Stopped Taking Trump's CallsEven soul-less, sociopathic dictators have their limits.
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Joined: 25 June 2012
Stories Written: 70
Joined: 25 June 2012
Stories Written: 70
"Omarosa" - Trump Sings His Latest Tweet
The White House. President Donald J. Trump's latest barbed tweet, smearing his former adviser, Omarosa, in a musical parody of the popular song, "Amapola," was sung by the president to a visiting group of white nationalists, who roared their approval...Read full story
Trump To Be Cryogenically Frozen
President Donald Trump has announced that he will be meeting scientists later today to discuss his new plan for the future which will involve him being cryogenically frozen. Trump, 72, said he 'hatched' the idea recently during the furore which su...Read full story
Giuliani Says That The Truth is NOT Truth!
Today on Meet The Press, Rudy don't define anything Giuliani, claimed on National television the Truth is not Truth. This is why President Trump has not been willing to submit to questioning by Robert Mueller, for fear that Trump's Truth will not mat...Read full story
Elderly minister emits giant turd, names it Bernard, enrolls it in Harvard!
The Reverend T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg, North Carolina held a news conference this morning in Raleigh to announce that he had, in the last day, emitted a giant turd. The emission weighed six pounds, seven ounces and McCorkle stated, "It was the...Read full story
Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani: Truth isn't truth and Trump isn't Trump
In further evidence of the phantasmagorical world in which President Donald Trump and his minions are living, the US President's lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, has claimed that "truth isn't truth" during a television interview. Mr Giuliani was arguing tha...Read full story
CIA Director John Brennan Authorized Use Of Notorious Montana Pole
BILLINGSGATE POST: The vastness of the rolling prairies and majestic mountains that stretch across Montana are miracles of Nature that have inspired the imagination of generations of cowboys and sheepherders who spent countless lonely nights under t...Read full story
Aging Rocker Coming to a Bathroom Stall Near You
Aging rocket Mick Elliott says he loves playing small halls and theaters these days rather than large arenas and stadiums. It’s clearly a lie he tells himself because he could never fill up an arena if he paid people to attend. “You couldn’t pay m...Read full story