Funny US Headlines

14 December 2019

Man forgets to wear water proof coat for his Mogwai

American man Gary Walt Johnson has revealed that he has put his small town, Perfection, in Nevada, in jeopardy, after forgetting to buy a water-proof coat for his Mogwai, Gizmo. 'I know, I know,' said Johnson. 'I watched the documentary about them...

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New York Writer Realizes She Must Have Genuine Love of Writing Because She's Definitely Not Getting Anything Else Out of It

Charlotte Bonner of New York City, who spends her days doing a Manhattan office grind and her evenings working on short stories, blog posts and a novel-in-progress, none of which have ever garnered her any professional attention let alone financial r...

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Nashville Man Unsuccessfully Tries to Give Girlfriend Space

Pete Richardson of Nashville, Tennessee, thought he was being considerate when he offered to give his clingy, codependent girlfriend, Marissa Lowell, space, only to find that she took extreme offense at the gesture. "I just told her that instead o...

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Man Successfully Deprogrammed Trumpist Cult Followers With Neuralyzer Prop From “Men In Black” Movie

Culver City, California - A local man who worked on the "Men In Black" movie series was able to bring several brainwashed devotees of cult leader Donald Trump back to reality by simply flashing a neuralyzer prop that he kept as a memento of his work...

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Li’l Wilmer Defeats Schift E Coyote In Loose Bowel Showdown In Saudi Arabia

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a battle that no one thought could be staged - at least in the free world - Li’l Wilmer, who held the IAAF World Diarrhea All Specie Championship, defeated Schift E Coyote in an historic dog doo-doo contest that left spectators...

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Man going home early, because another man said something

There was consternation today, as an older adult left a room, and a country earlier than expected because some other men said some things about him. Donald Trump, American President and bit-part actor, left the country in a huff because some peopl...

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Nashville Man Looks Himself in Mirror and Loses Face

Trump Invites Monty Python to Establish New York Media Outlet

Hero dog Conan responds to CNN interview: “No comment”

New York Man Finally Finds Therapist Smart Enough to Understand Him

Twitter Deletes President Trump's Account

US College Offers Unique Service To Parents Of Unruly Sons

Man Considering Joining NRA

Me Too Accused of Male Sexism

Scientists Deny PETA Claim That Meat Is Evil

Extremely Heavy And Obnoxious Amounts Of 'Soul-Draining' Bullshit Likely To Spread Throughout Midwest Over Next Couple Of Weeks

Following Tough Breakup, Nashville Man Bucks Up like a Real Champ

21-Year-Old Broadcasting Student Latest Victim of Cancellation Culture After Accidentally Nosediving Into Instagram Model’s Tits at Coachella

Nancy Pelosi proposes special day honoring Democrats for saving civilization from Trump

Questioned on whether her notion for a new TGFD day means Thank God For Democracy--not just Thank God For Democrats--Ms. Pelosi responded, “N-no. I mean Democrats.” She further explained the word democracy is not specific enough for the current he...

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Funny story: Recently Hired (And Extremely Productive) Technical Writer Originally Considered 'Lame And Boring' By Coworkers And Staff Now Feared To Be Something 'Other'

Recently Hired (And Extremely Productive) Technical Writer Originally Considered 'Lame And Boring' By Coworkers And Staff Now Feared To Be Something 'Other'

Minneapolis, Minnesota. When Craig Wall, 37, was hired as a technical writer at Hydrocele Communications three weeks ago, his coworkers (and several support staff members) originally thought he was 'just really lame and boring'...or in the worst cas...

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House Democrats Bring Panel of Four Ivy League Professors to Make an Important Decision

Increasingly indecisive House Democrats have decided that they do not have the ability to choose where to lunch without a panel of elite Ivy League intellectuals. According to staffers, four professors were brought forward and questioned intensely by...

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Nashville Man Feels He Has Real Potential

Despite some minor shortcomings pointed out by women he's dated, Charlie Murphy of Nashville, Tennessee, feels that he has real potential for being a great catch. "Once I fully quit smoking and start getting to the gym on a regular basis, I'll be...

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Nashville Man Comes to Unfortunate Conclusion

Calvin Holmes of Nashville, Tennessee, came to an unfortunate conclusion when he reached the end of the spy novel he'd been reading and realized he'd never actually lived. "I've never been to Paris and bonded viscerally with a beautiful, voluptuou...

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Trump Will Send ISIS Fighters Back to France As Soon as the Kurds He Abandoned Have Located Them

London, United Kingdom - President Donald Trump and French President Emmanuel Macron reached an agreement in London at the 70th Anniversary NATO Summit, on how to repatriate the hundreds of ISIS fighters that are still in Syria and surrounding countr...

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Seven day catch up

Check out anything you've missed with the archive:

Admissions Scandal's Child: Too Smart for USC

Hollywood, CA. Woof Blister reporting for Spoof News. Agate Hunter, the diminutive teenage daughter of screen star and indicted college admissions scandal celeb Rock Hunter, broke her silence today in a Facebook response to her ten million followers.

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U.S. House GOP to Posthumously Pardon Charles Manson: “He Didn’t Actually Kill Anyone”

Washington - Some Republican Members of the U.S. House of Representatives, a political party that, decades ago, stood strongly for law and order, have decided that an individual who orders subordinates to commit crimes bears no responsibility for the...

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Funny story: Charleston Man Urges Reinstatement of Slavery for Canines

Funny US Headlines

Man forgets to wear water proof coat for his Mogwai

New York Writer Realizes She Must Have Genuine Love of Writing Because She's Definitely Not Getting Anything Else Out of It

Nashville Man Unsuccessfully Tries to Give Girlfriend Space

Man Successfully Deprogrammed Trumpist Cult Followers With Neuralyzer Prop From “Men In Black” Movie

Li’l Wilmer Defeats Schift E Coyote In Loose Bowel Showdown In Saudi Arabia

Man going home early, because another man said something

Nancy Pelosi proposes special day honoring Democrats for saving civilization from Trump

Recently Hired (And Extremely Productive) Technical Writer Originally Considered 'Lame And Boring' By Coworkers And Staff Now Feared To Be Something 'Other'

House Democrats Bring Panel of Four Ivy League Professors to Make an Important Decision

Nashville Man Feels He Has Real Potential

Nashville Man Comes to Unfortunate Conclusion

Trump Will Send ISIS Fighters Back to France As Soon as the Kurds He Abandoned Have Located Them

Seven day catch up

Admissions Scandal's Child: Too Smart for USC

U.S. House GOP to Posthumously Pardon Charles Manson: “He Didn’t Actually Kill Anyone”

Charleston Man Urges Reinstatement of Slavery for Canines

Hillary refuses VP spot on Bloomberg-Clinton ticket

Nashville Man Falls Asleep at Wheel - Fortunately Before Turning on Ignition

Desperate FDA Considers Changing Name to "Pizza and Drugs Administration"

Nashville Man Promises to Never Do That Again Despite Not Knowing What "That" Is

Where’s Ruthie? Ginsburg’s Dead, But Nobody Knows It

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