Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
Pelosi announces New DC Coffee Clatch whose motto is "It sucks to be Dumb"
Herspeakersh*t has rounded up quite a crew: AOC, Omar, Tlaib, K.Harris, Booker, Biden, Joy Behar, Bret Bair, Bill Deblasio, Gavin Newsome, Tom Arnold, Chris Wallace, Don Lemon, 'Morning Joe', John Kerry, and Cher.
written by Trinculoman, 09 November 2019
Out-of-Work Beto O'Rourke forms a New DC-based Organization
Beto creates yet another DC-based NGO, called the "Irrelevancy Consortium." Joining Beto as founding and permanent members are Megan McCain, 'Sleepy Joe' Biden, Rep Al Green, Mitt Romney, Bill Kristol and Cher.
written by Trinculoman, 09 November 2019
Tom's River, New Jersey Residents Battle Hostile Wild Turkeys...
...by trying to trick them into climbing into Betty Crocker Easy Bake Ovens.
written by Stefano M. Stefano, 09 November 2019
Meat to blame
A New York Times columnist says that red meat is the death knell of western civilisation. Many people disagree, and think white meat is the root of all our many problems. I'll stay with rice/beans.
Trump impersonator in trouble
The manager of a local fast food outlet has denied he is impersonating President Donald Trump. "I'm five feet one inches tall and I have a long beard," he maintained. Police are investigating him.
Get in line, you!
Western academics are scared that people of Eurasian descent are becoming way too intelligent. They want these people to take a number and wait in line for the next available opportunity. Ho hum.
Nixon can't stay away from Office
The ghost of Richard Nixon has apparently been appearing in the corridors of the White House suggesting that it's impeachment time again. "Hey it was HIM!" cried one astonished worker. Bless his heart.
Queen's ditty for the masses
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is believed to have recorded a song for release on the mainstream charts. The song, said to be titled "I'm A Pretty Nice Girl", features Phil Collins and Prince Harry.
Slavery is back
The Democratic Party has announced that it will reintroduce slavery as a plank of its policy platform at the next election. "This will free up labour shortages" said one spokes person for the party.
Golf gone wrong
A Charleston, Carolina man has been found drunk in a sand trap on the 16th green at the local golf links. The man had lost his ball 19 days ago.
Man lives in his own private Idaho
A Boise, Idaho man has produced a brilliant idea to solve all the world's problems. But only he will know what that idea is. "I'll tell you when I'm good and ready for it," said the trash collector.
Trump in bid to fly AF1
President Trump has announced he would like to fly Air Force One under the arch of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. "I'm sure it could be done, anything is possible" he said today.
Ryder in trouble again
Famous kleptomaniac, Winona Ryder, has been accused of stealing American military secrets and handing them over to Russian authorities. "Well, why not?!" was her innocent reply to doubters.
Trump Orders Pentagon to Decrease Tank Armor Plating
"They will go strongly faster and get better gas mileage"!
written by C/L, 05 November 2019
Fox News Host Tucker Carlson Looses Finger tips in Bizarre Boomerang accident
When trying to catch a razor sharp boomerang, thrown by real life post apocalyptic boy, in Mojave desert interview.
Doctor is brainless
A Swedish doctor says he has no idea what he is doing at the moment. "I'm completely clueless, presently" says the doctor, who is up for a Nobel Prize in medicine. Doctors really should stop and think.
Incident at CNN
In breaking news, the newsroom at CNN has been broken into by a gang of flat-Earthers who are looking for the person who produced a report critical of their erroneous views. Producers are scared.
White House Staffers Enjoy Halloween Prank
As they take turns blowing coaches whistles and watching Trump run angrily up and down the White House trying to find the perpetrators.
Sheeran is a flat earther
Singer Ed Sheeran firmly believes that the Earth is flat, and not spherical, as commonly held. Sheeran refuses to accept any alternative views as he is a paid up member of the Flat Earth Society.
Ed Sheeran and the King
Singer Ed Sheeran claims that he is the grandson of rock n roll legend Elvis Presley. He has no viable proof of this claim however he believes that his grandmother slept with the King in the 1960s.
Is there life in Newark NJ?
President Trump has announced he is forming a new agency to investigate if life exists in Newark NJ. "Do real people actually exist there?" he recently asked. The voters want to know for sure.
Pizza Delivery Drone Arrested for Voyeurism
After dropping its order into the hot tub of a fornicating couple while spying on them.
Boy Scouts to Broaden Merit Badge Program
New merit badges in money laundering and treason to reflect the current zeitgeist.
Lori Loughlin Opens College Cheating Consultancy Firm
"I want to help other elitist parents successfully navigate the hostile world of college bribery and cheating".
Matthew Mcconaughey to Star in the Movie Zlincoln
Where Zombie Lincoln is resurrected from the dead to save the Republican party from Trump.
Republican Party to be Renamed
Trump's White Nationalist Party of Evangelical Oligarchs and Money Laundering Authoritarian Thugs.
The Mandalorian Slated to Make Disney's Star Wars Franchise Suck Less
Fans thanking Favreau for giving the Star Wars toilet a flush.
The United Nations Security Council Classifies Methane Gas as a Biological Weapon
Situations in High rise elevators are expected to become tense and bleak.
NRA and Trump Republicans Coauthor New Fragmentary Munitions Bill
Legalizing the sale, possession, and use of hand grenades.
Donald Trump Expected to Become First Room Ghosting Mogul
Future projections show a massive uptick in hotel reservations by authoritarian leaders.
Trump Rewrites the Separation of Powers Clause in the Constitution
Checks and balances will now refer to banking relations between the three branches of government.
Colt Markets New Pistol Game
Sales of Russian Roulette: Derringer Edition are expected to make a killing.
written by C/L, 02 November 2019
Trump Rally Supporters Angered Over New MAGA Hats
Gay rights site now selling red hats stating: Make America Gay Again.
written by C/L, 01 November 2019
Man Bitten on Penis by Neighbors' Dog
Dog thought man was feeding him a sausage treat.
written by C/L, 31 October 2019
U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham Encouraged to Come Out of the Closet
His angry Nationalist act isn't fooling anyone.
written by C/L, 28 October 2019
Miley admits the obvious
Performer Miley Cyrus says she doesn't like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because they cause her to sing out of tune. This is ironic as she always sings out of tune according to her ex-manager.
Swedish authorities have arrested a man with one leg who tried to rob a department store of its window dummy. The man claimed he needed someone to restore his other leg so this was the easiest option.
Mont Blanc ready for Boris
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson will ski down the slopes of Mont Blanc if he gets his Brexit plan through parliament. He has never skied any where before, so Boris has a huge challenge ahead of him.
Cher taking on Everest
Performer Cher is planning to climb Mount Everest where she will sing in the highest concert performance in history. Lets hope she stays up there for some considerable time said the Daily News.
Parrot runs for high office
A speaking parrot has announced it is running for the US presidency next year. It will run as an independent because it values its freedom and willingness to squeal at the right time.
Bomber caught in Vegas
Las Vegas Police have arrested a man who tried to blow up the MGM Grand casino. The individual was carrying a candle attached to a cheap firework but was spotted just in time by a geriatric gambler.
Lohan the man
Actor/performer Linsey Lohan has announced she will have a sex change and revert to the "true masculine" side of her personality. "I'm a bloke goddamn!" she insisted while punching out her trainer.
Trump loses dog
Donald Trump's pet dog, Terminator, has been stolen by a gang of Ukrainian terrorists who climbed over the White House fence and made off with the pooch. Reports suggest they are now in the dog house.
Trump Mistakes Chaplin Films for Hitler's Hipster Days
Trump confuses Chaplin movies for documentaries about Hitler's transformation from misguided hipster, into a famous Nazi puke.
Trump Campaign to Market Lock Her Up Dashboard Figurine
Bobble-head Hillary Clinton comes complete with her own toy cage.
Mr. Clean's Skinhead Image to Be Cleaned Up
Famous mascot will now be non-binary with an ethnically-ambiguous light-tan.
All Purpose Flour to be Banned from Certain Colleges
Politically correct militants complain that the "white flour" threatens their safe spaces on campus.
SNL Continues to Keep Intelligent People in Stitches Over Trump Presidency
Meanwhile humorless Nationalists continue to fume!
Fischer Price Discontinues Baby's First Hooka Toy
White Nationalist parents complained that the toy is too "middle-eastern".
God flushes toilet
...then has to get out plunger and flush a couple more times.
written by pinkwalrus, 27 October 2019