Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.

Sales blames ring for illness

Boston Red Sox baseball player "Lefty" Sales said his cock ring made him sick. "It turned my penis green," he said. "My girlfriend paid for gold, but obviously, the jeweler sold her brass."

written by Gee Pee, 21 October 2018

Saudis confirm Khashoggi's death

Saudi Arabia has confirmed Jamal Khashoggi's death. "Not only is he deader than a door nail," a Saudi government spokesman affirmed, "but he's also really most sincerely dead."

written by Gee Pee, 21 October 2018

Amy Schumer embraces femdom

Amy Schumer says she supports Colon Pencildick. "All NFL players, especially white men, should kneel before me," she says, "to show support for femdom."

written by Gee Pee, 21 October 2018

Karmic Justice

I don’t think the universe bequeaths karmic justice.

Be nice if it did, though.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 20 October 2018

Trump Thinks Deaths at End of Avengers Infinity Wars Were Real

He sends the Secret Service to the movie set of Avengers 4 to do some investigating.

written by Al N., 18 October 2018

Trump Sorry For 'Horseface' Tweet

Trump apologizes to Stormy Daniels for calling her 'horseface' in a
tweet. Tweet was actually meant for Kelly Ann Conway.

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 17 October 2018

Pregnant robot dog blamed on Russian hacking

Mindy, the first robotic dog, is now pregnant. Senate Democrats allege that Russian hackers are to blame. The White House only states that Pres. Trump wants to make robot dogs great again.

written by Purple Girl, 17 October 2018

Trump Said News Media The Enemy

Trump said the news media was the enemy of the people. Saudi newsman Jamal Khashoggi was critical of the Saudi government, then goes missing in the Saudi Embassy in Turkey? Looks like a green light.

written by K.C. Bell, 14 October 2018

Kanye Calls for Return of Slavery

"Slavery is one of the things that made America great, and it will, given the chance, make America great again!" he tweeted.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 October 2018

Kanye Announces Name Change

The artist formerly known as "Kanye West" shall henceforth be known as "The Other Very Stable Genius".

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 October 2018

Nikki Haley Retires from U.N. Ambassador Position to Retrieve Ruby Slippers

WASHINGTON D.C. - After being discharged from her duties, Nikki Haley proclaimed, "I'm going to get those Ruby Slippers! I'm coming for you, Dorothy! And your little dog, too! Eh, heh heh heh heh heh!"

written by The Loony Liberal, 10 October 2018

Trump fires Pence

Trump's firing VP Pence and replacing him with Hillary to ensure no right-wing nut will try to "off" him.

written by Arrly Tracer, 07 October 2018

Be Best In Africa?

Better if Melania Trump had stayed home and lectured her husband about BE BEST treatment of victims of sexual abuse. Children of Africa are already basically good.

written by K.C. Bell, 05 October 2018

Doctor Confirms Man's Anxiety Just Heart Attack

"On the bright side," he said, "at least you won't be worrying about the bill."

written by Michael Sienicki, 04 October 2018

Judge Kavanaugh Deciding A Case?

Anyone, including Senator Lindsey Graham, want a jay-walking ticket decided by a nose-sniffing-up-to-his-eyebrow, conspiratorial, vocally-incontinent, boozy Judge Brett Kavanaugh? Nah. Pay the fine.

written by K.C. Bell, 29 September 2018

Kavanaugh Reacts to Delayed Vote

"Damn that FFFFFlake!"

written by Mike Peril, 28 September 2018

Kavanaugh’s Daily Diary As Proof Of His Innocence

Brett Kavanaugh has submitted his prep school diary as proof of his innocence. So, if the FBI is accepting daily diaries as proof of innocence, is it too late for Bill Cosby to run one up?

written by K.C. Bell, 26 September 2018

Putin Hacked The Emmys

NBC, ABC, and CBS all claim that Russian President Putin hacked the Emmy Award computers, to explain how unknown, barely-viewed shows on Netflix and HBO could win so many awards.

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 21 September 2018

Trump Now Also President of Egypt

President Donald Trump now claims to be part Egyptian after a new mummy was uncovered. Noted the President, "Look! It's old, wrinkly, shriveled, and orange! Just like me!"

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 19 September 2018

Putin Has Stopped Taking Trump's Calls

Even soul-less, sociopathic dictators have their limits.

written by Al N., 16 September 2018

Jimmy Johns Employee Injured in Freak Accident

"It all happened so quickly", he explains from bed at urgent care clinic.

written by Adam Click, 15 September 2018

Dyslexic Christian Gets Boner Again

And, in related news, a dyslexic agnostic in New Jersey is still not certain as to whether there's a dog or not.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 15 September 2018

Senate Demos Now Blaming Kavanaugh for Hurricane Florence

Booker,Feinstein,& Harris blame the SOTUS candidate for causing Florence's attack on the Carolina Coast.There's a "secret letter" from Valhalla charging the Judge with cursing Thor when in pre-school.

written by Trinculoman, 14 September 2018

Fox News Says Trump Has Sent Hurricane Florence to East Coast to Punish Them

In no way was Fox News trying to deflect the public's attention away from Trump's legal problems.

written by Al N., 11 September 2018

Serena Williams' Motive for On-Court Behavior Revealed

The US Open umpire didn't realize that for Serena, it was nothing personal. She was simply auditioning to join the cast of The View.

written by Trinculoman, 09 September 2018

Ex-Emperor Goes on the Airwaves with Desperate Message

Ousted Potentate Obama on TV demands a coup to reinstate his self-proclaimed throne,to return to "teaching moments" for all unwashed 'deplorables',& to get Queen Sheba Susan Rice back in the Hot Tub..

written by Trinculoman, 08 September 2018

Redneck Torches Own Pubic Hair

Apparently, an astute sales clerk, on noticing her customer's MAGA hat, quickly stitched an extra NIKE logo onto the crotch of the gym shorts he was about to purchase -- and waited.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 08 September 2018

Self-Driving Car Hits Moonwalking Pedestrian

Apparently, the car's computer had difficulty determining which way the pedestrian was moving. For safety's sake, it is recommended that moonwalkers wear their hats backwards, until further notice.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 08 September 2018

Trump Has Solution About What to Do With all the Confederate Statues That Were Removed

I have a sculptor who can change the face on the statues to my likeness.They can be placed all over!

written by Al N., 07 September 2018

Trump Discovers Who Failing New York Times Anonymous Editorial Writer Is

He thought it was too well written to be by Melania, but found out Sarah Sanders helped her with it.

written by Al N., 07 September 2018

It's Not Just That Trump Hates Bob Woodward's New Book...

He's actually got a fear of ALL books or anything that requires a lot of reading with no pictures.

written by Al N., 06 September 2018

Study Finds Swiping Left Best Defense Against Abusive Relationships

Among other findings were: "not courting men named War Machine" and, "having some God damn respect for yourself."

written by Michael Sienicki, 06 September 2018

A Definition of 'Free Speech' Clarified

Calling the endless screams of addled harpies at a Judiciary Committee meeting 'Free Speech' is akin to referring to the endless whining of Senate Democrats as 'Rational Discourse.'

M. Voltaire

written by Trinculoman, 05 September 2018

Trump Bans Lie Detectors

"I don't see any reason for them. They never work. Witch hunt! Witch hunt! Fake News" tweeted Trump.

written by Al N., 05 September 2018

Destination Funeral

You really want to piss off all your friends at the end?

Have a destination funeral.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 03 September 2018

Senator Meghan McCain

Isn’t it about time, Meghan McCain gets back on that horse and runs for her father’s seat as U. S. Senator from Arizona?

written by K.C. Bell, 02 September 2018

Steve Bannon Spotted Panhandling at D.C. Metro Station

"He actually looked better than when he worked in the White House" a bystander said.

written by Al N., 30 August 2018

Trump Tells of a Good News Source to Follow Besides Fox News

He has declared that D. Pecker's National Enquirer is much more reliable than CNN or the NY Times.

written by Al N., 30 August 2018

China's Chairman Xi Doing Well with Extra Benefits

Thanks to the rewards from hacking all of Hillary's emails,Chairman Xi is now enjoying his generous weekly financial stipend from the Clinton Foundation--and the steady flow of interns also is a plus.

written by Trinculoman, 29 August 2018

Bad Press

BREAKING NEWS: Munchausen by Proxy Mom Community Sickened by Portrayal of Them in HBO’s New Series “Sharp Objects”

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 29 August 2018

Trump Upset Because Googling Himself Only Brings Up Negative Stories

Google has explained to him that it is because there are ONLY negative Trump stories, & no others.

written by Al N., 28 August 2018

Trump Didn't Realize McCain Had Died But Had a Good Reason

He is all broken up about Aretha Franklin dying and locked himself in his room playing her records.

written by Al N., 28 August 2018

Pope Francis Disavows All Blame for Priestly Pedophilia

His Holiness claims no responsibility for Catholic priests' sexual assaults on children. He was "embedded" as Chaplain for a cadre of radical leftists bent on subverting freedom across South America.

written by Trinculoman, 27 August 2018

Elizabeth Warren Demands New Appointment for Vacant Arizona Senate Seat

"Pocahontas" Warren proclaims she will accept no appointment to a McCain-vacated seat other than "Geronimo"Ocasio-Cortez who recently discovered that she is descended from a band of Apache Socialists.

written by Trinculoman, 27 August 2018

Pedophile Defense Fund Debuts

It is completely secular in nature, and is expected to be popular among people who want to help pedophiles escape justice without having to sit through Mass every Sunday.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 27 August 2018

"A Bridge Too Far"

Do you ever get the impression, listening to cable news, that the cliché “a bridge too far” is, just MAYBE, a bridge too far?

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 26 August 2018

Mueller Investigation Uncovers America's Two Biggest Secrets

They have not only uncovered Trump's tax returns, but they have found Hillary's missing e-mails!

written by Al N., 25 August 2018

Trump's Alexa Won't Obey Him Anymore

It refuses to wake him up at 4 a.m. to start tweeting again.

written by Al N., 25 August 2018

Trump Doesn't Understand What a Billionaire Really Is

He thought it meant someone who was more than a billion dollars in debt.

written by Al N., 25 August 2018

Michael Cohen Goes on Angie's List with an Urgent Request

Trump-Ex-Lawyer Cohen is desperately seeking a service technician in the NYC metro area. He needs an expert to remove his gonads from the Craftsman vice that Mueller's squad squeezed them in.

written by Trinculoman, 25 August 2018
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