Despite his devotion to practicing the Eleventh Step of Alcoholics Anonymous by seeking through prayer and meditation to improve his conscious contact with God as he understands God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for him and the power to carry it out, recovering alcoholic Eric W. of Nashville, Tennessee, admitted to sometimes having trouble hearing his Higher Power’s voice.
“And when I do, it’s very faint, like a barely audible whisper,” said Eric W., who’s put six-plus years, and, most importantly, the last 24 hours, between him and his last drink. “It’s kind of annoying.”
Not that the tidbits he has heard haven’t been priceless, however, Eric was quick to emphasize. “There've been some real gems. One time he murmured that he loved me. That was really powerful. In fact, that’s what’s carried me through all these years.” He chuckled ruefully and shook his head. “Honestly, even that one was kind of muffled, though. In fact, at first I thought he was saying, ‘I flubbed you.’ That threw me for a minute – I thought he was telling me I was inherently defective. Then I realized what he must have meant."
Eric made clear, of course, that any blame for the communication blockage lay not with his Higher Power but with himself and his own defects of character. “It’s apparent to me that I’m holding something back, not fully open to hearing what God has to say," he said, exhaling his frustration. “It’s so obvious – so why can’t I just do it?”
Still, despite the communication difficulties, Eric remains fully committed to practicing the Eleventh Step, and continues to keep an ear cocked for any breaking announcements from his "H.P." “I get the sense that he operates on a need-to-know basis, and maybe there’s nothing I need to know right now," said Eric. "Mainly I’m just grateful for what he’s given me so far. That alone is far more than I deserve."