There were 255 spoof news stories published in August 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: Harry Maguire Says He Didn't Sign Last Season Because Jose Mourinho Was Manager

Harry Maguire Says He Didn't Sign Last Season Because Jose Mourinho Was Manager

Manchester United central defender, Harry Maguire has revealed the real reason he didn't sign for the club a year ago, when Jose Mourinho was the Reds' boss: Jose Mourinho. Maguire, 26, had been on the United radar for the last two summer breaks,...

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Funny story: Manchester United Give Harry Maguire Captain's Armband

Manchester United Give Harry Maguire Captain's Armband

Harry Maguire, the fresh-faced, good-looking golden boy of English football, signed by Manchester United for £80million from Leicester City on Monday, is to be given the Old Trafford captain's armband as a gesture of just how valuable an asset the cl...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Involved In Strange Incident Before Match On Sunday

Harry Maguire Involved In Strange Incident Before Match On Sunday

Manchester United's £80million defender, Harry Maguire, has revealed details of a strange incident in the changing room before Sunday's Premier League opener against Chelsea, when the star's head was too big to fit through the headhole in his shirt.

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Take All Manchester United Penalties From Now On

Harry Maguire To Take All Manchester United Penalties From Now On

Manchester United boss, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer revealed last night that, after Marcus Rashford's penalty blunder against Crystal Palace yesterday, and Paul Pogba's earlier miss against Wolves, that £80million newboy Harry Maguire will take all the Reds...

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Funny story: Manchester United Manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Head Is Getting Smaller

Manchester United Manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Head Is Getting Smaller

Rumours are rife around Old Trafford this morning, as speculation rises that Manchester United coach Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's head is getting smaller. Solskjaer was photographed alongside new signing, £80million former Sheffield United, Hull City an...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Has Had 'Second Thoughts' About Manchester United

Harry Maguire Has Had 'Second Thoughts' About Manchester United

Having previously told news reporters he would never sign for Premier League football giants Manchester United because he hated them, Harry Maguire has now had 'second thoughts', and signed for the Reds on Monday, for a ridiculous £97million. Magu...

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Funny story: Sadio Mané Can't Stand Mo Salah Anymore

Sadio Mané Can't Stand Mo Salah Anymore

There's trouble brewing in the Anfield dressing room tonight, after Liverpool's Sadio Mané told striking partner, Mo Salah, that he is so angry with the Egyptian, that he no longer regards him as a friend, and doesn't want to talk to him anymore.

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Given Go-ahead To Stay In Bed Late On Monday Morning

Harry Maguire Given Go-ahead To Stay In Bed Late On Monday Morning

Harry Maguire, the new pin-up boy of football, who signed for Manchester United for £80million from Leicester City last Monday, made his debut at Old Trafford against Chelsea this afternoon, and has received the go-ahead from manager Ole Gunnar Solsk...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Buy Some New Football Boots

Harry Maguire To Buy Some New Football Boots

Harry Maguire, the fresh-faced, good-looking golden boy of English football, who signed for Manchester United for £80million from Leicester City on Monday, says he might buy some new football boots, as a special treat to himself for becoming the most...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Meet President Donald Trump

Harry Maguire To Meet President Donald Trump

White House sources say that President Donald Trump is to hold conference talks with new Manchester United signing, fresh-faced, good-looking golden boy, and 'brick shithouse', Harry Maguire. The pair will talk on a variety of issues, including f...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Signs Affidavit Not To Let Jamie Vardy Score On September 14th

Harry Maguire Signs Affidavit Not To Let Jamie Vardy Score On September 14th

New Manchester United defender, Harry Maguire, who signed for the Reds from Leicester City for £80million on Monday, has signed a second legal document, an affidavit with the club's solicitors affirming that, when his new club meet his old club at Ol...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Save Bolton And Bury

Harry Maguire To Save Bolton And Bury

The futures of the two football clubs under threat of expulsion from the Football League due to financial reasons, Bury F.C. and Bolton Wanderers, are secure tonight, after Manchester United's record £80million defender Harry Maguire stepped in to gu...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Now More Popular Than Harry Potter, Google Search Reveals

Harry Maguire Now More Popular Than Harry Potter, Google Search Reveals

Harry Maguire, the fresh-faced, good-looking, record-breaking £80million Manchester United defender, is now even more popular than Harry Potter, a Google search has revealed. The little-lad magician has been the most popular 'Harry' for decades, b...

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Funny story: Lionel Messi Banned For Speaking The Truth About Corruption

Lionel Messi Banned For Speaking The Truth About Corruption

Lionel Messi, the Barcelona and Argentina footballer, has been banned from taking part in international matches for three months, for speaking the truth. The ban, imposed by Conmebol, the South American Football Confederation, comes as a result of...

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Funny story: Paul Pogba Misses Another Penalty

Paul Pogba Misses Another Penalty

Paul Pogba, the Manchester United star who, after his penalty miss at Wolves the other night, was subjected to a hail of racist comments from people calling themselves United 'fans', has now become the subject of intense media speculation which is cl...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire: Manchester United to Trade, Sell Him to Los Angeles Galaxy?

Harry Maguire: Manchester United to Trade, Sell Him to Los Angeles Galaxy?

Carson, CA. Exclusive to The Spoof. This city, the home of the Los Angeles Galaxy, is abuzz with rumors that soccer great Harry Maguire, the centre back recently acquired by Manchester United, will be sold or traded to the American soccer championshi...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Star As The Next James Bond

Harry Maguire To Star As The Next James Bond

The world of British entertainment cheered in unison last night when it was announced that Harry Maguire, the new Manchester United central defender will be the next James Bond. Maguire will replace Daniel Craig, who has been Bond four times, the...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire's Mam To Meet Her Majesty The Queen

Harry Maguire's Mam To Meet Her Majesty The Queen

There was rejoicing in South Yorkshire this afternoon, when the new Manchester United signing, Harry Maguire, broke the news to his dear old mam, that she had been invited to tea with Her Majesty the Queen. Maguire completed his move from Leiceste...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Read The News At Ten

Harry Maguire To Read The News At Ten

Harry Maguire, the one-time Hull City carthorse who earler this week signed for Manchester United from Leicester City, is a popular man. He's also extremely handsome. And muscular. That's the reason behind the BBC's decision to ask the £80milli...

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Funny story: Peter Schmeichel Says Harry Maguire Is The Best Keeper In The World Right Now

Peter Schmeichel Says Harry Maguire Is The Best Keeper In The World Right Now

Former Manchester United 'custodian of the net', Peter Schmeichel, has said that the club's recent £80million signing of Harry Maguire was a shrewd move, as the former Sheffield United, Hull City and Leicester City player is the best goalkeeper in th...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Bookmakers' Favourite To Be UK Charts Christmas Number 1

Harry Maguire Bookmakers' Favourite To Be UK Charts Christmas Number 1

Harry Maguire, the new Manchester United signing who seems to be able to do just about anything everything he puts his hand to, has been made the bookmakers' favourite to reach number 1 in the UK charts at Christmas. This is astonishing news - eve...

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Funny story: Is Gareth Bale On His Way To Hull City?

Is Gareth Bale On His Way To Hull City?

Gareth Bale, the Real Madrid and Wales footballer, who has fallen out of favour at the Bernabeu Stadium, may have found the ideal club with which to play out the rest of his career - Hull City. Bale, 30, is a man who knows what he likes, and he li...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Upset At Way Social Media Tossers Keep Spelling His Name Wrong

Harry Maguire Upset At Way Social Media Tossers Keep Spelling His Name Wrong

Harry Maguire, the central defender signed by Manchester United from Leicester City only last week, has spoken out against the countless thousands of people using social media who will insist on spelling his surname incorrectly. Maguire, who cost...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Push Some Buttons On The Hadron Collider

Harry Maguire To Push Some Buttons On The Hadron Collider

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, has announced he will be flying to Geneva next week, to travel to Cern where scientists continue to work on the Hadron Collider, a big machine with which they are attempting to recreate the condi...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Anonymous In Manchester United's Draw With Southampton

Harry Maguire Anonymous In Manchester United's Draw With Southampton

Harry Maguire, Manchester United's £80million central defender who has received extensive media coverage recently, was almost anonymous in his side's 1-1 draw with Southampton this afternoon, and wasn't even mentioned in the BBC Sport match report I...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Is Sick And Tired Of All The Stupid Made-up Stories About Him

Harry Maguire Is Sick And Tired Of All The Stupid Made-up Stories About Him

Manchester United's new £80million star, Harry Maguire, has said he is absolutely "fed up to the back teeth" of all the stories about him circulating on the internet, in which there is absolutely no truth whatsoever. Maguire, 26, signed for United...

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Funny story: Fans Say Billie Eilish Sounds Like Lorde

Fans Say Billie Eilish Sounds Like Lorde

Billie Eilish is one of today’s top pop music idols. But she has been dogged by accusations that she sounds a lot like Lorde. Eilish has even recorded a song on the subject, “Wish I Weren’t Just Like You.” But she hasn’t spoken publicly on the subjec...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire's Premier League Predictions

Harry Maguire's Premier League Predictions

Football is well-and-truly back, and the Premier League kicks off this afternoon with fourteen of the twenty teams in action. That's seven-tenths, or, if you prefer, 70%! Manchester United fans will have to wait until tomorrow to see their expensi...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Clear Up Brexit Mess

Harry Maguire To Clear Up Brexit Mess

Harry Maguire, Manchester United's new central defender who signed for the Reds from Leicester City on Monday for £80million, is to enter the world of politics. His first job will be to clear up the Brexit mess. Maguire has no political affilia...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Inspiration Behind Re-release Of Sham 69 Single 'Hurry Up, Harry'

Harry Maguire Inspiration Behind Re-release Of Sham 69 Single 'Hurry Up, Harry'

Punk rockers, Sham 69, are to honour the world record (for a defender) signing by Manchester United of former Sheffield United, Hull City and Leicester City defender Harry Maguire by re-releasing 'Hurry Up, Harry', their 1978 hit single. Maguire h...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Is Going To Smash Prince Andrew's Face In, If He Sees Him

Harry Maguire Is Going To Smash Prince Andrew's Face In, If He Sees Him

As the Jeffrey Epstein paedophile case rages on, even after the mysterious death of the former financier, Manchester United defender Harry Maguire Is rumoured to have said that he is so disgusted with Epstein's former friend, Prince Andrew, that he i...

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Funny story: Low-Budget Ancestry Analysis Links Ryan Adams and Bryan Adams as Half-Brothers

Low-Budget Ancestry Analysis Links Ryan Adams and Bryan Adams as Half-Brothers

Thanks to the miracles of modern-day ancestry analysis through specialty service www.BudgetBloodlines.web, musicians Bryan Adams of Canada, and Ryan Adams of the United States, were informed that they are half-brothers, related through their common f...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Arm Wrestle Noel Edmonds In Battle To Host 'Deal Or No Deal' Comeback

Harry Maguire To Arm Wrestle Noel Edmonds In Battle To Host 'Deal Or No Deal' Comeback

Harry Maguire, football's golden boy, who signed for Melchester United in an £80million deal last week, could be involved in another 'deal' soon, after Channel 4 announced the sensational comeback of the last truly great TV gameshow, 'Deal Or No Deal...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Speaks Out On Amazon Rainforest Fires

Harry Maguire Speaks Out On Amazon Rainforest Fires

The thousands of fires that are currently sweeping through the Amazon rainforests of Brazil are a global environmental catastrophe, and, offering his considered opinion on the subject, Manchester United newboy, Harry Maguire, has said the whole fiasc...

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Funny story: Tim the Forgetful Badger

Tim the Forgetful Badger

Tim is a Forgetful Badger. Say hello, Tim. .... He forgot to say Hello. Tim went to the park with his friends. There was Geoffroy the Gerbil, Willy the Weasel, Sally the Stoat, and Friðþjófr the Frog. They played ball. Willy threw...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Taking Up Too Much Column Space

Harry Maguire Taking Up Too Much Column Space

There was controversy surrounding Manchester United's £80million newboy defender, Harry Maguire, this evening, when the player was adjudged by some people to have been taking up far too much column space in news pages, and to be 'hogging the limeligh...

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Funny story: Anti-Violence Legislators Switch Target from Guns to Knives

Anti-Violence Legislators Switch Target from Guns to Knives

Sacramento, CA. Special to The Spoof. Frustrated in their attempt to outlaw firearms, the anti-gun crowd now has a new target. Liberal state legislators are honing a bill to ban a wide variety of knives, including some hallowed in American history.

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Funny story: Trump Admits to Being a Racist but Not Nearly as Much So as Those NASCAR Drivers

Trump Admits to Being a Racist but Not Nearly as Much So as Those NASCAR Drivers

Pushing back against allegations that he is a racist, United States president, Donald Trump, stated that while he may have some racist tendencies when it comes to driving, he doesn't even come close to "those NASCAR drivers." "Granted, l like a li...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Debunked By Battlin' Bohunk From Beaver Crossing

Harry Maguire Debunked By Battlin' Bohunk From Beaver Crossing

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a fight touted to be a walkover for Harry Maguire, the “Battlin' Bohunk” from Beaver Crossing, the redoubtable Slim Everdingle, threw the fresh-faced, good-looking golden boy from Leicester City out of the ring in a winner-take...

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Funny story: Trump Complains about European Hurricane Model Showing Total Destruction of Only Mara Largo In Florida

Trump Complains about European Hurricane Model Showing Total Destruction of Only Mara Largo In Florida

An angry Donald Trump sent several Tweets this morning regarding a European hurricane model that seemed to show Hurricane Dorian targeting Mara Lago, the resort owned by Donald Trump in Florida. The model shows Dorian coming on shore and somehow...

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Funny story: Storming Area 51...Not Such A Good Idea!

Storming Area 51...Not Such A Good Idea!

Hundreds of people that decided to jump the gun and storm the American base called Area 51 found out that trying to break in was probably a bad idea. 'Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us', a recently created Facebook event that was planned f...

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Funny story: Trump Will Publish New Book, "Art of the Steal"

Trump Will Publish New Book, "Art of the Steal"

Mar-A-Lago, FL "Well, it looks like people really admire my business acumen since they elected me President even though I've lost a billion dollars. So I've taken some time off from my grueling job as President to have a ghostwriter pen me a new book...

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Funny story: TV Conundrum

TV Conundrum

There will be arguments in houses up and down Great Britain tonight, as to which drama, steeped in richly-observed characters and reality to watch, Poldark, or the return of Midsummer Murders. In one, a handsome chap with a penchant for taking his...

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Funny story: Trump: “The Very Good People I was Talking About After Charlottesville Were Actually Art Critics and Sculpture Enthusiasts”

Trump: “The Very Good People I was Talking About After Charlottesville Were Actually Art Critics and Sculpture Enthusiasts”

Charlottesville, Virginia - Most of the right wing protesters and marchers who showed up in Charlottesville, Virginia in 2017 to attend a "Unite the Right" rally, were actually more interested in preserving antibellum sculptures and paintings than pr...

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Funny story: President Trump Orders NRA To Ban Sales Of Guns On Weekends

President Trump Orders NRA To Ban Sales Of Guns On Weekends

There was 'light at the end of the tunnel' for those hoping for gun reform this evening, when President Donald Trump issued an executive order via Twitter, that "sales of weapons, to certain kinds of people, should not happen on the weekend." "Thi...

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Funny story: In a display of righteous indignation, Trump slaps sanctions on Greenland for obstructing purchase of Denmark.

In a display of righteous indignation, Trump slaps sanctions on Greenland for obstructing purchase of Denmark.

“I’ll get what I want to make America great again” said POTUS. “I have the right weapon,” he added, “to use against persons or countries who stand in my way-- Lethal Sanctions! Designed to bring whole nations to their knees. Look at what I have done...

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Funny story: President Trump Says Statistics Do Not Support Concerns Over Shopping Mall Mass Shootings

President Trump Says Statistics Do Not Support Concerns Over Shopping Mall Mass Shootings

President Trump has said that Americans are "worrying unnecessarily" about guns, and says statistics prove they are not likely to die as a result of some nut shooting them down in a bloody killing spree in a shopping mall. The president's mind was...

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Funny story: James Blunt 'One Show' Performance Made Viewer's Ears Bleed

James Blunt 'One Show' Performance Made Viewer's Ears Bleed

A song performed on BBC One's 'The One Show' by singer/songwriter, James Blunt, was so awful, it made one viewer's ears bleed. Blunt was appearing on the show hosted by Nick Grimshaw and Emma Willis on Friday evening, and, after talking alongside...

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Funny story: GOP Expects Most Democrat Jewish Voters to Switch Parties After Trump Calls Them "Ignorant or Disloyal”

GOP Expects Most Democrat Jewish Voters to Switch Parties After Trump Calls Them "Ignorant or Disloyal”

Washington - Even though over twice the number of Jews in the United States are registered as Democrats, as opposed to Republicans, the hierarchy of the Republican Party is cheering the news that President Trump has informed those Jewish Democrats th...

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Funny story: Trump contemplates hostile takeover of Greenland

Trump contemplates hostile takeover of Greenland

Despite the insistence of Greenland’s government that the semi-autonomous Danish territory is not for sale, President Donald Trump is pushing ahead with efforts to purchase Greenland with or without its approval. Describing the acquisition as “ess...

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Funny story: Trump nominated for Nobel Peace Prize, for saving the lives of ten million Afghans

Trump nominated for Nobel Peace Prize, for saving the lives of ten million Afghans

Ten million could be the population count of most countries, and, as predicted, ten million could be wiped out in a week, or ten days at the most, including human collateral damage. This is a record wipe-out never before seen in the annals of US mili...

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Funny story: Child Tells Noisy Dad To Turn His Music Down

Child Tells Noisy Dad To Turn His Music Down

A 56-year-old man listening to music upstairs in his home was the victim of his killjoy children yesterday, when one of them bawled at the top of her voice for him to turn the volume down. Moys Kenwood was 'giving it loads' whilst listening to 'Th...

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Funny story: Pope Raises $$$s Selling Carbon Offset Indulgences

Pope Raises $$$s Selling Carbon Offset Indulgences

Rome, Italy - The Pope is reportedly making a bomb on the Vatican website through selling carbon offset indulgences to jet-setting eco celebs. These include voluntary donations to a holy carbon capture fund which guarantees safe RIPs to heaven in...

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Funny story: Weather Forecast For Tomorrow

Weather Forecast For Tomorrow

The extremely hot weather that's being enjoyed by the whole of the UK is set to continue during the first half of this week, but after that, it's going to be back to normal for most of us. Record temperatures have been the order of the day, along...

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Funny story: Man regrets betting his house on Poldark ending in a bloodbath

Man regrets betting his house on Poldark ending in a bloodbath

Chutney on the Fritz's local idiot, Gary Johnson, is beginning to regret betting his family home on historical documentary Poldark ending in a bloodbath. 'I was watching where they were building the school, in double-quick time, and just by the cl...

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Funny story: World Leaders Try to Lose Disruptive Trump at G-7 Summit

World Leaders Try to Lose Disruptive Trump at G-7 Summit

Biarritz, France Tired of having President Trump interrupt all the other delegates, and talk for hours about himself and his "accomplishments," the rest of the G-7 delegates met at an unknown location to talk, without telling Trump where they would...

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Funny story: Trump Will Run "The Apprentice" From the White House

Trump Will Run "The Apprentice" From the White House

Mar-A-Lago, FL President Donald Trump announced today that he will re-boot his old TV show, "The Apprentice," and it will be shot from the White House. On the new show, Trump will interview press secretaries, cabinet appointees, and any other of the...

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Funny story: TV guide 3 August

TV guide 3 August

4:00pm. Whiny Nerds Comedy. Laugh along with the laughter track at the constantly complaining nerds at Geek College. 4:30. Whiny Nerds Comedy. 5:00. Whiny Nerds Comedy. 5:30. Whiny Nerds Comedy. 6:00. Whiny Nerds Comedy. Repeat of the...

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Funny story: Comparing Bill Clinton's Situation To Donald Trump's

Comparing Bill Clinton's Situation To Donald Trump's

Comparing Bill Clinton to Trump Is like comparing Sinbad, the Sailor to Trump. Two different characters and situations. But Democrats keep saying: We can’t impeach Donald Trump because remember what happened when the Republicans tried to impeach Bill...

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Funny story: Wife not looking forward to the next Star Wars film

Wife not looking forward to the next Star Wars film

Lorraine Johnson sat through space documentary The Last Jedi with her husband Gary, partly out of affection, but more because she was told that heart-throb actor Tom Hardy was in it. She now dreads sitting through The Rise of Skywalker when it is rel...

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Funny story: Next presidential debate to offer reverse format: Mr. Cooper you have thirty seconds

Next presidential debate to offer reverse format: Mr. Cooper you have thirty seconds

The commission on the current set of presidential debates has announced a new formula for the next encounter in September. Instead of news hosts grilling candidates, the candidates themselves will sit off to one side, with prominent news hosts in...

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Funny story: Pub musician singing Dylan's 'Don't Think twice, it's alright' giving some thought

Pub musician singing Dylan's 'Don't Think twice, it's alright' giving some thought

Brian Asshat, Chutney on The Frtiz's grammar pedant in residence has decided that it is time that he thought twice, because, as it stands, things aren't alright. 'Like most of us starting on the folk scene in the 1960s, we expected that our words...

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Funny story: Oppenheimer Not What He Seems Scientists Say

Oppenheimer Not What He Seems Scientists Say

In a shocking turn of events today that’s sure to shake the world the famous theoretical physicist and professor of physics at the University of California, Berkeley, J. Robert Oppenheimer, was discovered to never once have performed a sweet 180-kick...

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Funny story: Aliens On Way To Earth

Aliens On Way To Earth

Images captured by a NASA space monitoring satellite have confirmed that Earth is likely to come under attack from an alien strike force before the end of the century. The images show aliens advancing in formation at a very slow pace, indeed. Pres...

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Funny story: Trump, GOP Thrilled as Barr Promises to “Investigate Clinton Murders, Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny Soon”

Trump, GOP Thrilled as Barr Promises to “Investigate Clinton Murders, Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny Soon”

Washington - President Trump tweeted out to his adoring groupies last night that his personal consigliere, Bill Barr, would soon open an investigation into the dozens of people who were associated with the Clintons over the last several decades who,...

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Funny story: Prince Andrew Impassive Over Jeffrey Epstein Death

Prince Andrew Impassive Over Jeffrey Epstein Death

The death in his cell of suspected sex trafficker, Jeffrey Epstein, has had no visible effect whatsoever, on the affairs of Prince Andrew, it has been reported. Financier Epstein was being held in prison for offences he was alleged to have commit...

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Funny story: Moscow Mitch Doesn't like Being Called Moscow Mitch!

Moscow Mitch Doesn't like Being Called Moscow Mitch!

U.S. Senator Mitch McConnell this week complained about being labled "Moscow Mitch", based on his not allowing legislation to strengthen preventive measures against Russian interference in U.S. elections. Leningrad Lindsey Graham came to Moscow Mi...

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Funny story: Vegan-Friendly Atheist Allows Animals to Go to Heaven

Vegan-Friendly Atheist Allows Animals to Go to Heaven

In an effort to recruit vegans to the secular movement, outspoken non-believer Alex Harrison, host of the popular podcast Smarter than God, stated that animals could go to the same place that good people go after they die. "There's no reason that...

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Funny story: Boris and Donald arguing over who is mummy's special soldier

Boris and Donald arguing over who is mummy's special soldier

Boris Johnson and Donald Trump, two of the most important world leaders are arguing over who is Mummy's Special Soldier. Mummy, in this case, is Angela Merkel. Both wearing expensive, but cheap-looking suits, and with their very similar, blow-away...

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Funny story: Would Slim Everdingle Like Manchester United To Trade Him To Real Madrid?

Would Slim Everdingle Like Manchester United To Trade Him To Real Madrid?

BILLINGSGATE POST: Manchester United appear to be getting a little bit perplexed as Slim Everdingle keeps the club guessing over his next move amid growing concerns over his contract. The American is yet to sign a fresh new deal that would keep h...

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Funny story: Is Hoffman La Roche Peaking Yet?

Is Hoffman La Roche Peaking Yet?

Geneva: This afternoon, drug manufacturer Hoffman La Roche, most notably famous for bringing the wildly popular pharmaceutical Lysergic acid diethylamide to market (we all know it as LSD, windowpane, double domes, etc.), announced the formation of a...

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Funny story: Is There A Pedophile Industrial Complex?

Is There A Pedophile Industrial Complex?

Several tweets will be generated by the questionable suicide of confessed pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. Of course, the chief tweeter will point his accusative thumbs at his enemies — the same tweeter who admitted to walking into dressing rooms of teenag...

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Funny story: Trump's Taco Tax to Fund Wall with Mexico

Trump's Taco Tax to Fund Wall with Mexico

U.S. president, Donald Trump, and Mexican president, Manual Obrero announced a trade deal has been reached between the two neighboring countries. The agreement prevents a possible trade war and massive disruption in bi-lateral relations. Whether Co...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson targets dead voters for the next election

Boris Johnson targets dead voters for the next election

This week, UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been visiting graveyards, tombs and haunted houses throughout the country to build support for a possible snap election in the autumn. Spokesman Jeff Hades explained, "The voters who are most closely...

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Funny story: Democrats watching Dave for inspiration

Democrats watching Dave for inspiration

Democrats in Washington are watching the political documentary, Dave, starring Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver for ideas before the next election. Brick Outhouse, a spokesman said 'We said we needed a good comedy to cheer ourselves up, and someon...

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Funny story: Kiss-a-thon at G-7 could lead to more sanctions and tariffs

Kiss-a-thon at G-7 could lead to more sanctions and tariffs

The G-7 summit in Biarritz, France, over the weekend has led to increasing tensions in global economics. Particularly in play is a sensational moment involving Melania Trump and Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau. Photographs reveal Ms. Tr...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Reluctantly Decides to Go Extinct

Nashville Man Reluctantly Decides to Go Extinct

"I think it's the responsible thing to do," said Blake Tucker of Nashville, Tennessee, regarding his reluctant decision to go extinct. "The planet can't continue to support my existence. The Tucker line just isn't sustainable." The decision to go...

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Funny story: Celebrity millionaire inspires global elites with bum-slapping antics aboard his yacht

Celebrity millionaire inspires global elites with bum-slapping antics aboard his yacht

Now being reported in society pages across the globe, members in the One Percent Club are enthused with recent innovations to increase self-comfort. That is, Italian millionaire Gianluca Vacchi, aged 52, has just surfaced, according to Russia Toda...

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Funny story: Trump Chastises Scientists For Never Agreeing With Him

Trump Chastises Scientists For Never Agreeing With Him

Science Town, USA President Donald Trump has spoken out against scientists in his latest statement. He is mad because none of the scientists would validate or verify all the things he made up. "That Danish lady trying to tell me that crazy wind p...

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Funny story: Neocons Dismayed to Realize New "Public Charge" Rule Means Immigrants May Take Jobs Americans Actually Want

Neocons Dismayed to Realize New "Public Charge" Rule Means Immigrants May Take Jobs Americans Actually Want

While neoconservatives initially applauded President Donald Trump's new "public charge" rule, tying green card eligibility to immigrants' financial resources and education levels, they were dismayed to subsequently realize that the new law means that...

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Funny story: Man Was Full Of Wind When He Woke Up This Morning

Man Was Full Of Wind When He Woke Up This Morning

A 56-year-old man living in southeast Asia has told how he woke up this morning to an incredible 'urge to purge' his tanks, and to release unwanted noxious gases into the atmosphere. Moys Kenwood claims that he often has to part his cheeks for a...

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Funny story: Student Proves Theory That One Shouldn't Sit Behind Doors

Student Proves Theory That One Shouldn't Sit Behind Doors

A student sitting behind a classroom door yesterday, proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that sitting behind a door is an ill-judged thing to do which could cause injury, after classmates barged the door open, causing an injury. Moys Kenwood, the...

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Funny story: Nashville Unoriginal Takes Country Music Charts by Storm

Nashville Unoriginal Takes Country Music Charts by Storm

The music of singer-songwriter Kelcey Payne of Nashville, Tennessee, has been described as hackneyed, poppy, and blatantly unoriginal - and it's got country music fans around the world absolutely riveted. "I'm a super fan," said Patti Leichman of...

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Funny story: Boeing offers White House “buy two get three” Air Force One deal

Boeing offers White House “buy two get three” Air Force One deal

Once again with eye on the budget, the White House has moved steadily forward on how to save the US money. Eliminating aid programs for newly-documented immigrants in housing vouchers, medicaid, and food stamps is now official. Money saved her...

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Funny story: Jeffrey Epstein 'Suicide' Is "Sketchy At Best", Says Criminal Network

Jeffrey Epstein 'Suicide' Is "Sketchy At Best", Says Criminal Network

The death in custody of financier, and alleged sex pest, Jeffrey Epstein, could not have happened completely by his own hand, according to the criminal underground. Epstein was found lifeless in his cell yesterday, and his corpse was rushed to a M...

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Funny story: Peaky Wankers

Peaky Wankers

A school in Berwentwood On The Wolds has had an influx of Peaky Blinders-themed names as easily-influenced parents make daft choices and treat their kids as fashion accessories. The National Office of Statistics have admitted that the most popular...

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Funny story: Rail fares to rise by 2.8% in January 2018

Rail fares to rise by 2.8% in January 2018

The latest increase will add more than £100 to many annual season tickets....why wait to get ripped off. Save ££££’s on Gym Fees, stay healthy and save the planet...buy the new ‘Berlin Ripper’ available now at all good bike stores....and even Halford...

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Funny story: Drug Squad’s ‘Yippee’ At No-Deal Brexit Border Checks

Drug Squad’s ‘Yippee’ At No-Deal Brexit Border Checks

London, UK - The return of frisking truck drivers who cross the Irish border into Northern Ireland is being welcomed by UK drug squad interests which blame abolition of Stop N Search checkpoints for years of cheapskate, substandard EU weed. Under...

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Funny story: Skeletor Opens Up About Eating Disorder

Skeletor Opens Up About Eating Disorder

​Eating disorders have been categorized by calloused individuals as first world problems. Anybody eager to dismiss the seriousness of an eating disorder has never known a person afflicted by the silent disease. Many powerful people have been kn...

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Funny story: Washington Post Explains that Owner Jeff Bezos Generously Allows Reporters to Act Fully Independently

Washington Post Explains that Owner Jeff Bezos Generously Allows Reporters to Act Fully Independently

Railing against suggestions by presidential candidate Bernie Sanders that its reporting might be biased by its ownership by Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, Washington Post editor, Marty Baron, explained that Bezos generously allows Post journalists to operate...

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Funny story: Bury Burial Is On Friday

Bury Burial Is On Friday

There was sadness all across Greater Manchester last night, after it was announced that the funeral of Bury F.C. is to take place this Friday, after the English Football League rules the organisation "unfit for purpose", and has it put down humanely.

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Funny story: Trump Condemns Flaunting White Supremacy

Trump Condemns Flaunting White Supremacy

In a national address following the latest racially motivated mass shooting by a man who claimed to be protecting his country from an ethnic invasion by Hispanics, United States President Donald Trump strongly condemned violently flaunting white supr...

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Funny story: Trump and Johnson still competing

Trump and Johnson still competing

When told that Donald Trump had been waiting for six years for him to become British Prime Minister, Bourke Johnson thought, well Mr Trump, that is nothing. I have been waiting for my entire life. Trump's claim is the equivalent of some star of a...

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Funny story: Serena Williams Retires From Tennis

Serena Williams Retires From Tennis

Serena Williams, the winner of 39 Grand Slam tennis titles, and who has spent an incredible 319 weeks of her career as Women's number 1, finally decided to call it a day yesterday, and announced her retirement from the game. Williams, 37, chose, i...

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Funny story: Wedding Party Experience Left Nasty Taste In Woman's Mouth

Wedding Party Experience Left Nasty Taste In Woman's Mouth

A woman who was forced to eat something that she didn't like at a wedding party has said that she felt humiliated in front of the other guests, and that the whole experience has left a nasty taste in her mouth. Wendy O'Kooms, of Dublin, was attend...

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Funny story: Don't Forget To Set Your Clocks Back One Hour, Then Ahead One Hour

Don't Forget To Set Your Clocks Back One Hour, Then Ahead One Hour

Daylights Wasting Time is upon us. Tomorrow morning at precisely 2 a.m., set your clocks back to 1 a.m. Then, wait an hour for it to turn 2 a.m. again. This time, set the clock ahead one hour to 3 a.m. And that's it. You're all set. You won't h...

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Funny story: Incompetent Angel Humbly Accepts Demotion After Innocent Soul Originally Intended For Reincarnation Was Sent Back To The Past

Incompetent Angel Humbly Accepts Demotion After Innocent Soul Originally Intended For Reincarnation Was Sent Back To The Past

5th Layer Of Heaven. "GOD-DAMNIT!" and "SHIT!" were just a few of the angry, loud, and desperate words that were heard on the southwestern corner of the 5th Layer of Heaven last Wednesday, when a recently-promoted angel accidentally sent a soul (ori...

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Funny story: Jeffrey Epstein’s Hole-In-One At Trump Creepy Hollow

Jeffrey Epstein’s Hole-In-One At Trump Creepy Hollow

Creepy Hollow, New York - (Fore! Play News): Convicted predatory sex monster, Jeffrey Epstein, who died in a Manhattan jail cell this weekend, reportedly scored his best-ever hit at one of President Trump’s famous putting greens, according to files...

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Funny story: Climate Scientists Relieved that Trump Nuclear Policy May End Life on Earth before Global Warming

Climate Scientists Relieved that Trump Nuclear Policy May End Life on Earth before Global Warming

While most climate scientists agree that it wasn't exactly good news when United States president  Donald Trump formally withdrew from the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty with Russia, thereby rapidly accelerating the risk of a deadly nuclear...

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Funny story: Prince Andrew’s Depleted Ukrainian Billionaire Chum Escorted From Balmoral

Prince Andrew’s Depleted Ukrainian Billionaire Chum Escorted From Balmoral

Balmoral, Scotland - (McHaggis Times): A bankrupt Ukrainian former yellowcake mining mogul has been sent packing from Balmoral Castle following a police raid on Grouse Cottage in the royal estate’s Muckadder slopes. Arkady Chernobylblastov, 69, ha...

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Funny story: Greenland Files For Restraining Order Against Donald Trump!

Greenland Files For Restraining Order Against Donald Trump!

Denmark has filed in international court for an official restraining order against Donald Trump visiting or attempting to build any kind of "tower" in Greenland. "This restraining order prevents Donald Trump from coming within 500 miles of Greenla...

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