Harry Maguire's Premier League Predictions

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 10 August 2019

image for Harry Maguire's Premier League Predictions
Harry about to commit handball

Football is well-and-truly back, and the Premier League kicks off this afternoon with fourteen of the twenty teams in action. That's seven-tenths, or, if you prefer, 70%!

Manchester United fans will have to wait until tomorrow to see their expensive new buy, Harry Maguire, in action against Chelsea, but TheSpoof.com thought we might take advantage of his day off, and ask him to make some predictions on today's games.

Harry says he's usually pretty good at predicting scores, and often even picks the right scorers!

Here are Harry's best guesses:

"In the early game, I think Liverpool will be too strong for Norwich. I've got Livetpool as 4-1 winners, with all their goals coming in the first half. The first an own goal, the second, er, Salah, then van Dijk and then, maybe, Origi. No idea about the Norwich goalscorer, but I reckon they'll score on about 64 minutes."

He went on:

"West Ham, Man City, erm, a thrashing for the Hammers. I feel a Sterling hatrick in there somewhere.

West Ham 0 - 5 Manchester City

Palace and Everton will cancel each other out. Dour.

Crystal Palace 0 - 0 Everton

Burnley off to a good start.

Burnley 3 - 0 Southampton

Brighton as well.

Watford 0 - 3 Brighton

My own team, the Blades! But I think we'll probably have to settle for a draw. I've got Billy Sharp down as the scorer, probably late on.

Bournemouth 1 - 1 Sheffield United

Spurs will wipe the floor with Villa. Hmm, better go high

Tottenham 12 - 0 Aston Villa

Or something like that."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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