Harry Maguire To Take All Manchester United Penalties From Now On

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 24 August 2019

image for Harry Maguire To Take All Manchester United Penalties From Now On

Manchester United boss, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer revealed last night that, after Marcus Rashford's penalty blunder against Crystal Palace yesterday, and Paul Pogba's earlier miss against Wolves, that £80million newboy Harry Maguire will take all the Reds' future spotkicks.

Maguire patrolled United's back four like a military commander at Old Trafford, and could be seen grimacing as Rashford slammed his penalty against the goalpost, for the team's second penalty-spot catastrophe in six days.

Manager Solskjaer said after the 2-1 defeat:

"We can't afford any more penalty disasters. I'm going to get Maguire to take all the team's penalties from now on. We need to get our money's worth."

Maguire readily accepted his new responsibility, but will need to adjust his style a bit, as, in the past, he has only ever taken penalties with his head.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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