Fans Say Billie Eilish Sounds Like Lorde

Funny story written by Brett Taylor

Monday, 12 August 2019

image for Fans Say Billie Eilish Sounds Like Lorde

Billie Eilish is one of today’s top pop music idols. But she has been dogged by accusations that she sounds a lot like Lorde. Eilish has even recorded a song on the subject, “Wish I Weren’t Just Like You.” But she hasn’t spoken publicly on the subject until now.

Eilish, finally speaking out on the subject, told a music reporter, “If I were meant to be Lorde, I would be Lorde by now. If I were meant to be someone else, I would be someone else by now. We’re like two different people, which is cool because it means we can have different opinions. You can’t pretend I’m you, because then you’d only be pretending to be someone else. Sometimes, I wish Lorde were gay, because then I’d have a reason to be different from her. Anyway, I wear baggy clothes, and she doesn’t.”

Pressed for further explanation, Eilish admits that her music can sound a lot like Lorde's. She even admits that there are certain days when she can't tell herself apart from Lorde. "I get depressed about it sometimes. Sometimes, I have trouble telling us apart. Like, the other night I heard one of her songs playing, and I thought it was mine. I'll start to cry, but then I'll eat a radish and I'll feel better. Anyway, my beats are a lot doper, and that's what's important."

Lorde says, “You have to define yourself. You should walk on the moon, but don’t walk in someone else’s footsteps. Like, I have to be cool, because if I weren’t being cool, I wouldn’t be being myself. I’ve had it really tough, but that’s okay, because it’s made me who I am. It’s not easy growing up poor. My parents were English professors.” The latter comment was taken as a dig at Eilish, whose parents work in the music industry. But she goes on to speak in a more sympathetic fashion: “Sometimes, you have to be someone else, because that’s how you learn to be you. You must allow yourself to be a wildflower, or the weeds will overtake you. Being a singer is like being a child, except your crying will be heard all over the radio. Anyway, we both sound like Lana Del Rey and that’s what’s important.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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