There were 346 spoof news stories published in July 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: U.S. Threatens to Send Mitch McConnell to Iran - Iran Agrees To New Nuclear Deal

U.S. Threatens to Send Mitch McConnell to Iran - Iran Agrees To New Nuclear Deal

In a rare moment of cooperation between the State Department and the Trump White House, the United States threatened to gift Iran with Mitch McConnell, and shook Iran's Mullahs to their core. "We simply cannot accept this generous offer to send th...

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Funny story: Furious 5th place Hamilton blames other drivers for finishing ahead of him

Furious 5th place Hamilton blames other drivers for finishing ahead of him

Formula 1 world champion, Lewis Hamilton, last night launched a bitter attack on the four drivers who pushed him back into a disappointing 5th place finish in yesterday's thrilling Austrian Grand Prix, which was eventually won by Red Bull's Max Verst...

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Funny story: Nashville Songwriter Summarizes General Life-Weariness with "Oh, ya know"

Nashville Songwriter Summarizes General Life-Weariness with "Oh, ya know"

Carson Ray, an erstwhile singer-songwriter living in Nashville, Tennessee, stumbled onto a powerfully handy turn of phrase suitable for responding to just about any inquiry or passing remark in, "Oh, ya know." "It works for just about anything," s...

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Funny story: Alex Ferguson’s trip to Wimbledon “ruined” by people from Liverpool

Alex Ferguson’s trip to Wimbledon “ruined” by people from Liverpool

Wimbledon. Former Man United dictator Alex Ferguson was sensationally escorted out of the Wimbledon Men's Final today after trying to start a fist fight with a 90-year-old woman from Liverpool. It is believed that Ferguson became irate when his enjoy...

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Funny story: Man Says He Would Do The Same Thing Again, If It Were Necessary

Man Says He Would Do The Same Thing Again, If It Were Necessary

A man who took extraordinary steps to resolve a particularly difficult situation, says he would do exactly the same thing again if necessary. As tricky situations go, the one faced by Englishman, Moys Kenwood, couldn't have been much trickier. It...

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Funny story: Man Opened Dictionary On Very Rude Word

Man Opened Dictionary On Very Rude Word

A man who picked up an English/Khmer dictionary from a table, and randomly opened it, noticed a swear word at the top of the page that clean took his breath away. The unsavory incident happened at a school during break time, when the man saw the b...

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Funny story: Giants to be Replaced in NL West by Cucamonga Quakes?

Giants to be Replaced in NL West by Cucamonga Quakes?

San Francisco, CA.The rattling and rolling out West may soon get worse! Until their current streak of eight wins in the last 10 games, the San Francisco Giants were reportedly facing removal from the National League West. That the temporary .800 w...

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Funny story: Jellyfish Endangered by Seniors with Memory Loss

Jellyfish Endangered by Seniors with Memory Loss

Bern, Switzerland. Special to The Spoof. The International Fisheries Commission today warned that a rare Pacific Ocean jellyfish, the Blue Hawaii, is near extinction, and will not survive beyond 2022. In a formal report, the commission found the c...

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Funny story: Kate Middleton Thinks Roger Federer Is A Bit Dishy

Kate Middleton Thinks Roger Federer Is A Bit Dishy

The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, has told close friends that she thinks tennis superstar and tomorrow's Wimbledon Men's Singles finalist, Roger Federer, is "a bit dishy". The Duchess will attend the Centre Court spectacular with her siste...

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Funny story: Russian Girl, 12, Sent To Siberian Camp For Taking Selfie With Vladimir Putin

Russian Girl, 12, Sent To Siberian Camp For Taking Selfie With Vladimir Putin

A 12-year-old Russian girl who tried to take a selfie with President Vladimir Putin, has been sent to a Siberian work camp for eight years. Vera Ivanovska took the photograph as Mr Putin arrived at the G20 Summit in Osaka on Friday. The president'...

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Funny story: Iceland Is Melting

Iceland Is Melting

An environmental crisis is unfolding in the north Atlantic, after it was revealed that, due to global warning and climate change, Iceland is melting. The Nordic island country with a population of just under 358,781 used to have an area of 103,000...

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Funny story: Putin Ridicules Trump’s 4th Of July Parade

Putin Ridicules Trump’s 4th Of July Parade

Vladimir Putin belittled Trump’s parade. Seriously, like a schoolyard chant, it was a case of, “Mine is bigger than yours.” Putin’s mockery sparked the question: Could this romance be over? No more three-hour private meetings with only a Russian tran...

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Funny story: Kylie Minogue Furious At Sir David Attenborough

Kylie Minogue Furious At Sir David Attenborough

There was real Australian soap-style drama at Glastonbury on Sunday, when Aussie pop princess Kylie Minogue became enraged before her performance had actually started, by Sir David Attenborough, who came onstage immediately before her. Minogue, wh...

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Funny story: TV Guide 11 July

TV Guide 11 July

19:00. Evening Brunch. Adrian Boring and Sally Smile present the weekly magazine programme. Today, the latest in umbrellas, and how to clean your kettle. 20:00. Arse Clinic. Join the team at St Rectum's Hospital as they attempt to fix a prolapse,...

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Funny story: ITVBe Announces Improved Intellectual Content With Updated "Real Housewives" Franchise

ITVBe Announces Improved Intellectual Content With Updated "Real Housewives" Franchise

In a bid to improve its falling ratings, ITV's flagship channel ITVBe, the "reality" based station for those with nothing better to do, like watching paint dry or doing the ironing, has announced that it is adding to the controversial and intellectua...

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Funny story: Damien Hirst Makes Strange Stipulation In His Will

Damien Hirst Makes Strange Stipulation In His Will

Rumours are rife in the world of art, that Damien Hirst, the artist who is repeatedly lampooned for being a non-artist, and for copying the work of others, has made a strange stipulation within his last will and testament, which will see him respectf...

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Funny story: Talking Dog For Sale: Make Offer

Talking Dog For Sale: Make Offer

BILLINGSGATE POST: Slim Everdingle was driving around Washington and he sees a sign in front of a house in the suburbs. “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. Slim goes into the b...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson nearly landed major role in 'The Lion King'

Boris Johnson nearly landed major role in 'The Lion King'

Barmy Boris Johnson auditioned to be in the Lion King. Sources close to the British MP claim Boris loves the film so much, he auditioned to be one of the main characters in Disney's live-action remake of the Lion King. Initially, Boris auditioned...

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Funny story: Phil Neville Philosophical About England Defeat

Phil Neville Philosophical About England Defeat

England Women's football team coach, Phil Neville, was philosophical in defeat last night, as his charges went out of the World Cup in Paris with a 2-1 reverse at the hands of holders and favorites, the USA. Neville told reporters: "It's back to t...

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Funny story: The Wind in the Boris

The Wind in the Boris

"Hello, my furry wumpkin friend," said Boris. "Shall we go a-rowing down yonder river? With Mole and Squirrel and that Slut. Tally-ho, splendid! "I'm to be made top chief at Boris Hall, have you heard? They're going to crown me with gold. To be ho...

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Funny story: England Women's Football Hooligans Go On The Rampage

England Women's Football Hooligans Go On The Rampage

Football hooliganism, a thing that was thought by the authorities to have been battered into the past, reared its ugly head again in France last night, as hundreds of female England 'thugesses' went on the rampage through the streets of Paris, causin...

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Funny story: Erectile Dysfunction Man Cured By Sexy Wench With Big Oomlaaters

Erectile Dysfunction Man Cured By Sexy Wench With Big Oomlaaters

Medical personnel at one of Berlin's top research institutes have admitted they were "speechless" after a patient who had suffered erectile dysfunction for more than 14 years, was suddenly 'cured' when he set eyes upon a supersexy barmaid with whoppi...

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Funny story: A Desperate Trump Orders New York Philharmonic, Dennis Rodman to North Korea

A Desperate Trump Orders New York Philharmonic, Dennis Rodman to North Korea

The White House, Washington, D.C. Following North Korea's latest missile tests, and with little movement in the direction of a deal with North Korea's Kim Jong Un, President Donald Trump today took all negotiations away from his foreign service offic...

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Funny story: Trump Repeals Newton's Laws of Thermodynamics

Trump Repeals Newton's Laws of Thermodynamics

Science Town, USA President Donald Trump has announced at a press conference that he's just heard about Newton's Laws of Thermodynamics. He said, "Who is this Newton guy? He's not even American and he's setting laws for the American people? I had my...

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Funny story: Seven Great Things To Do If You Live in London

Seven Great Things To Do If You Live in London

1: Have vigorous, prolonged sex with somebody you find attractive 2: Masturbate furiously if nobody you find attractive will come within a country mile of you 3: Go to the pub and drink until you can just about manage to remember where you park...

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Funny story: Winks Thinks A Football Tale

Winks Thinks A Football Tale

Tottenham starlet and all round average midfielder, Harry Winks, has been detained under the mental health act after proclaiming that “trophies are just around the corner” for his Tottenham team. He followed this bizarre outburst with statements like...

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Funny story: Man Admits Defeat In 'Ambulance Game'

Man Admits Defeat In 'Ambulance Game'

A man who, for the past 17 years, has struggled to finish a children's educational game called 'The Ambulance Gridlock Game', has finally decided to 'call it a day', and admit defeat. The game, played on a plastic 6x6 grid, where 'vehicles' can be...

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Funny story: The Man Who Speaks In Seven-word Sentences

The Man Who Speaks In Seven-word Sentences

TheSpoof.com has received information pertaining to the strange antics and behavior of an individual who, in normal, everyday conversation, speaks only in sentences containing seven words - no more, no less. The man, Bernard Septimus, born on 7 Ju...

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Funny story: Wimbledon: Roger Federer v. Novak Djokovic Match To Be Attended By Pair Of Parasites

Wimbledon: Roger Federer v. Novak Djokovic Match To Be Attended By Pair Of Parasites

Tomorrow's Wimbledon Men's Singles final between number seed, Roger Federer, and tournament favorite and number 1 seed, Novak Djokovic, is to have two special guests: the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Windsor, and her sister-in-law, the Duchess of Cambri...

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Funny story: How Writing Sounds if Your "E" Won't Print

How Writing Sounds if Your "E" Won't Print

Hi, D: I usually start with your full you-know-what or your funny alias, but I can't today, as a symbol in our ABCs following "d" and prior to "f" won't print on my laptop, so I'm avoiding any word with that symbol in it. And you must know that i...

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Funny story: New Zealand To Ask For Judicial Review After England 'Win' Cricket World Cup

New Zealand To Ask For Judicial Review After England 'Win' Cricket World Cup

There was drama at Lords yesterday, when the cricket World Cup final descended into chaos after the match finished with both teams level, prompting officials to 'manufacture' an England victory, according to New Zealand officials. The game finishe...

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Funny story: National Rifle Association Office Closed Today

National Rifle Association Office Closed Today

In a surprise development, members of the public who visited the offices of the National Rifle Association (NRA) in Fairfax County, Virginia this morning, have described the building as closed, "boarded-up", windows smashed, car park empty, and "look...

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Funny story: New Prime Minister Boris Johnson Pledges to Nationalise Wetherspoons

New Prime Minister Boris Johnson Pledges to Nationalise Wetherspoons

Bombast, bullshit and bollocks were the order of the day in Parliament today, as so-called Prime Minister Boris Johnson outlined his plans for the future of the not-so-United Kingdom. After a dressing-down from Her Majesty the Queen on Wednesday a...

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Funny story: Pamplona Bull Run Results In No Deaths Again

Pamplona Bull Run Results In No Deaths Again

The annual 'Running of the Bulls' bull run in the Spanish city of Pamplona got off to a disappointing start today when absolutely nobody - not a single person - was killed. The event is a major attraction for the city, with morbid spectators takin...

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Funny story: Independence Day And What It Means For The Rest Of The World

Independence Day And What It Means For The Rest Of The World

'Independence Day', the 1996 movie about aliens from a distant galaxy who attempt to attack planet Earth, and both destroy and annihilate the world's population to death during the 4th of July celebrations, is to be shown on TV screens across the Uni...

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Funny story: US player Alex Morgan “wasn’t pretending to drink tea but offering to give British men a blow-job” according to close-up footage

US player Alex Morgan “wasn’t pretending to drink tea but offering to give British men a blow-job” according to close-up footage

America’s 2-1 win over England on Tuesday may have been a blow to British men and women, but there’s a silver lining in the cloud. Football experts who watched Alex Morgan’s strange hand gesture after the game have confirmed that she wasn’t “pretendi...

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Funny story: BBC Sport win rights to broadcast Tiger Woods' caddy's wife putting the shopping away

BBC Sport win rights to broadcast Tiger Woods' caddy's wife putting the shopping away

BBC Sport announced, last night, that they have made a successful bid to screen Tiger Woods' caddy's wife, Brenda, putting the shopping away on the final day of this year's Open Championship at Portrush in Northern Island. A spokesman for the BBC...

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Funny story: Solar Panels a Significant Source of Global Warming

Solar Panels a Significant Source of Global Warming

Wheeling, West Virginia. Spoof News Service. The increased installation of solar panels throughout the United States was blamed today for "a significant increase in global warming." The charge came from a report issued by a little-known Wheeling thin...

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Funny story: Cher gives birth to 93rd child in Sacramento McDonald's restroom

Cher gives birth to 93rd child in Sacramento McDonald's restroom

Pop legend, Cher, has revealed that, last Tuesday afternoon, she gave birth to her 93rd child during a visit to the ladies facilities at a McDonald's restaurant in Sacramento, California. The clearly emotional 'Gypsies Tramps and Thieves' singer t...

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Funny story: Man Spent All Day Digging A Trench, Only To Have To Fill It In Again When His Wife Said It Was In The Wrong Place

Man Spent All Day Digging A Trench, Only To Have To Fill It In Again When His Wife Said It Was In The Wrong Place

A man who decided he would 'knuckle down' and do some 'hard graft' on Saturday, spent all day digging a trench in his back garden, only to have to fill it in again when his wife arrived home and told him it was in the wrong place. Moys Kenwood, 56...

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Funny story: US ratchets up defense against Iran with advertising campaigns into the disputed area

US ratchets up defense against Iran with advertising campaigns into the disputed area

Anonymous sources at the State Department indicate a new campaign is underway to encourage resolution of conflicts—via advertising and subtle messages. The targets start with Iran, with extension of the new scheme to Venezuela and North Korea bei...

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Funny story: Egyptians dominate Wimbledon again

Egyptians dominate Wimbledon again

It has come as no surprise that Amenhotep III has won yet another Wimbledon title, bringing his total number of Grand Slam victories to 37. He defeated Ramesses IV in a thrilling final match on Centre Court, where as many as 10,000 spectators watched...

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Funny story: Gallows Humor: I've Got a Mellow Noma

Gallows Humor: I've Got a Mellow Noma

As regular readers of The Spoof are aware, I celebrated my 89th birthday last week. But what you don't know is that the highlight of that day was my trip to a Kaiser dermatologist for my regular three-month checkup for skin cancer, which has plagued...

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Funny story: Elderly Cost Taxpayers TRILLIONS: One American's Views

Elderly Cost Taxpayers TRILLIONS: One American's Views

Washington, D. C. From the OAV Television Network. As Republicans and Democrats in Congress refuse to tackle the financial problem caused by the growing number of elderly in the country, the cost of providing for senior citizens continues to mount. O...

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Funny story: Man Is Absolutely Sick And Tired Of Having To Wish His Facebook 'Friends' Happy Birthday

Man Is Absolutely Sick And Tired Of Having To Wish His Facebook 'Friends' Happy Birthday

A man who set up an account on Facebook almost three years ago, but hardly ever posts anything on it, is well and truly sick to death of receiving 'notifications' that tell him to wish one or another of his so-called Facebook 'friends' a happy birthd...

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Funny story: I'll use my big face to create a hard Irish border, says Olly Murs

I'll use my big face to create a hard Irish border, says Olly Murs

Pop icon, Olly Murs, yesterday dropped the political bombshell that he's prepared to use his big face to create a permanent hard border between Northern Ireland and Eire, in the event that a 'no deal' situation exists post-Brexit. Murs, whose face...

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Funny story: The DEA is on the roll

The DEA is on the roll

The DEA has always been at the forefront of technological advancements when it comes to fighting the drug trade. And while not every project sees the light of day, like the exploding weed joint that permanently stops a drug addict from ever smoki...

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Funny story: Tour De France Start Delayed After Rider Rips His Knackers On Seat

Tour De France Start Delayed After Rider Rips His Knackers On Seat

The first stage of the Tour de France was delayed in Brussels yesterday, after one of the riders injured his testicles on the narrow strip of leather that passes for the saddle on his bike. Thierry Ballax, who rides for the Painful-Castrata team,...

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Funny story: North Korea To Impose Sanctions On US

North Korea To Impose Sanctions On US

In what's already being called a tit-for-tat struggle, the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un has said that, if Washington does not relax its sanctions against Pyongyang, then North Korea will be forced to impose its own sanctions against the United St...

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Funny story: Bastille Day Ruined By Storm

Bastille Day Ruined By Storm

Le quatorze juillet, or Bastille Day as it is known outside of France, drew hundreds of thousands of spectators to Paris today for the celebrations, but the event was left in tatters by an unexpected storm. The day is a national holiday in France,...

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Funny story: Deal of the Century kicks off at the World Bridge Championships in Yemen.

Deal of the Century kicks off at the World Bridge Championships in Yemen.

The 44th World Bridge Team Championships will be held at the Wuhan International Convention Centre at Wuhan, China, from Saturday 14th to Saturday 28th September 2019. However, in a clear case of hijacking a Chinese event, US president Donald Tru...

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Funny story: England Cricket Team Given Advice By Women's Captain

England Cricket Team Given Advice By Women's Captain

When the England cricket team take the field against opponents, New Zealand, in the World Cup final at Lords this morning, they'll be giving it everything, and trying to remember the good advice given them by England Women's cricket team captain, Hea...

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Funny story: Bloke Whose Arse Exploded Is Out Of Danger

Bloke Whose Arse Exploded Is Out Of Danger

A man who was taken to hospital after his arse exploded has been told by medical staff that he is "lucky to be alive", but is now out of danger, and at home recovering. The man, Dave Cannon, suffered a severe attack of the phenomenon known as 'Rec...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson 'Victory' Is Really Just A Vote Of 'No Confidence' In Other Tories

Boris Johnson 'Victory' Is Really Just A Vote Of 'No Confidence' In Other Tories

Boris Johnson, the rebellious, rambunctious renegade who has become Conservative Party leader, and UK prime minister as a result, fully believes in his ability to resolve the countries woes, and get it back on its feet again. But is he the only on...

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Funny story: Could Cthulhu Be Donald Trump's Real Name?

Could Cthulhu Be Donald Trump's Real Name?

DUNWICH Massachusetts - The Democrats of the US Congress began their efforts to Impeach Donald J. Trump on November 8, 2016. However, "investigations" to determine his motivations, his base of power, and his true origins began many, many months earli...

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Funny story: Sanctions Weekly Round-up

Sanctions Weekly Round-up

It's been a busy week in the world of Sanctions, and there has been so much activity, that we thought it only right and proper that we devote some space to the topic, to show which countries have been doing the finger-wagging, and which are the ones...

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Funny story: Ayatollah’s Rice Pudding Recipe ‘May Contain Nuts’

Ayatollah’s Rice Pudding Recipe ‘May Contain Nuts’

Tehran, Iran - (Pisstarchios): Iran’s President Rouhani is in the doghouse after an outbreak of allergic convulsions at a recent state dinner was traced to ‘something truly horrid ‘ in the dessert course. Guests complained that Sholezard, a tradit...

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Funny story: Hitler, Stalin Meet on Russian Side of Border

Hitler, Stalin Meet on Russian Side of Border

Just inside the Russian Border. Oct. 7, 1939. Exclusive to The Spoof. With the Polish incident over and all Polish resistance at an end, Adolf Hitler today stepped over the line separating German-held Poland from Russian-annexed Poland, and shook the...

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Funny story: Labour Party denies that Jeremy Corbyn is losing his, err, memory

Labour Party denies that Jeremy Corbyn is losing his, err, memory

The Labour Party has reacted angrily to suggestions from Whitehall mandarins that Jeremy Corbyn, the leader of the British Labour Party, is losing his memory. The secret memo from two of the country’s top civil servants, allegedly refers to the fo...

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Funny story: President Trump And E.T. Have Area 51 Meeting Next Week

President Trump And E.T. Have Area 51 Meeting Next Week

President Donald Trump is to make a historic visit to Area 51 on Monday, and already has a meeting scheduled with one of his most-loved cinematic heroes, E.T. the Extraterrestrial. Mr. Trump was still a child in 1982, when the movie was released,...

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Funny story: Meghan And Harry's Baby, Archie, Says He Won't Attend Christening Service

Meghan And Harry's Baby, Archie, Says He Won't Attend Christening Service

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and his wife Meghan, have a problem: their son Archie has said he refuses to be christened with the name 'Archie', and will not attend his own christening later today. The royal couple had planned to ha...

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Funny story: Russell Brand - The Anti-Christ?

Russell Brand - The Anti-Christ?

Love him or hate him, the British comedian, actor, radio host, TV presenter, author, and activist, Russell Brand is hot property in entertainment circles, but is there something sinister lurking in his background? Brand has always been controversi...

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Funny story: Declassified Documents Reveal Hitler's Lack of Facial Hair and Charlie Chaplin Fixation

Declassified Documents Reveal Hitler's Lack of Facial Hair and Charlie Chaplin Fixation

Hitherto secret medical records of the late and much missed Adolf Hitler, aka der Führer, reveal that he was British comedian Charlie Chaplin's greatest fan, and had tried for many years to replicate the film star's moustache, but without success.

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Funny story: NASA celebrate 50 years of pretending to go to the Moon

NASA celebrate 50 years of pretending to go to the Moon

It was fifty years ago this week, that NASA sent a manned rocket to the Moon, or so they claimed. When Neil Armstrong stepped onto the lunar surface, he should have drowned in soft cheese. Instead, he calmly said the line, "That's one small step for...

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Funny story: Hollywood doubts latest Superhero Supershagger will take off

Hollywood doubts latest Superhero Supershagger will take off

The crowded world of fictional superheroes just got even more crowded, as Marvel unveiled its latest superhero, mild-mannered Dwayne Dibley, who, by removing his false goofy teeth and glasses, transforms himself into Supershagger. Supershagger ca...

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Funny story: Sorry Folks - Have To Get Serious For Once Because Of A Serious Matter- How To Keep Cool In This Heat.

Sorry Folks - Have To Get Serious For Once Because Of A Serious Matter- How To Keep Cool In This Heat.

WAYS TO COOL DOWN IN SMALL WAYS INEXPENSIVELY AND EFFICIENTLY. Put a pan of water in back of a fan- it will act as a mini air conditioner The following foods are known as refrigerants - they cool the body down from within. Eat or drink these:...

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Funny story: Sea World Shame

Sea World Shame

US animal concentration camp, Sea World, have hit out at their accusers stating: “Our animals are very, very happy. Especially that whale floating on its back. That’s what whales do when they're happy, they show you their tummies. Shut up! I’m the...

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Funny story: Vegan flatulence a serious threat to the ozone layer say scientists

Vegan flatulence a serious threat to the ozone layer say scientists

A recent study by The Royal Society has found that gaseous emissions from vegans are destroying the ozone layer faster than all the power stations on the planet. A spokesman for the society told newsmen: "At this rate, vegans will have destroyed t...

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Funny story: Japanese war effort remembered

Japanese war effort remembered

Next year is the 75th anniversary of the end of World War II, and Japan is beginning to face its difficult history with a series of exhibitions showing the gentler side of the Japanese war machine. In Osaka, the Japanese National Hello Kitty Museu...

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Funny story: Trump's Fourth Of July Celebrations To Be "Astronomically Expensive"

Trump's Fourth Of July Celebrations To Be "Astronomically Expensive"

The annual fourth of July celebrations, commemorating the Declaration of Independence of the United States on July 4, 1776, have always been celebrated on its anniversary, and this year will be no different. One major difference this year, howeve...

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Funny story: E.T. Has Just About Had Enough, And Is Ready To Take Over The Running Of The World

E.T. Has Just About Had Enough, And Is Ready To Take Over The Running Of The World

E.T. the Extraterrestrial, the star of the 1982 movie of the same name, has said that he is just about sick and tired of messing around with the imbeciles on Earth, and is now ready to take over the running of the planet from his home at Area 51.

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Funny story: Cat Put Amongst Pigeons

Cat Put Amongst Pigeons

Animal Rights campaigners were 'up in arms' in Cumbria yesterday afternoon, after they were made aware of the plight of a neighbourhood cat that had been put amongst some pigeons. According to the activists, the Carlisle cat was an unwilling parti...

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Funny story: Football Gossip: Palace, Jay-Z, Scottish "Insult", Rafa Warning, Lamps Back at Chelsea

Football Gossip: Palace, Jay-Z, Scottish "Insult", Rafa Warning, Lamps Back at Chelsea

Arsenal are prepared to add defenders Calum Chambers, Carl Jenkinson or midfielder Mohamed Elneny into any potential deal for Crystal Palace's Wilfried Zaha. The Gunners have already had a £40m offer for the 26-year-old Ivory Coast winger rejected.

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Funny story: Dancing Rats in Baltimore - Amazing!

Dancing Rats in Baltimore - Amazing!

BALTIMORE MD - It has been more than three years since "New York City Pizza Rat" became an Internet video sensation. Some clever residents of Baltimore have used video editing software and camera footage to create a new "Extravaganza of Rodent Choreo...

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Funny story: Deliveroo Expands Operations to Cater for Lunar Explorers

Deliveroo Expands Operations to Cater for Lunar Explorers

Deliveroo is the fast-food delivery service that you either love or hate. You love Deliveroo if you're a lazy bastard who can't be arsed to get out of bed in the morning to cook breakfast, or pour milk on your corn flakes. You love Deliveroo if y...

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Funny story: Teacher Spent Entire Term Trying To Teach Students About Token Sea Creatures

Teacher Spent Entire Term Trying To Teach Students About Token Sea Creatures

A science teacher at a local school has revealed how he has just spent an entire fucking term in a pathetic and pointless attempt to teach students who had only very basic English language skills, about ridiculously-token sea creatures such as the oc...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson: The Book Stops Here!

Boris Johnson: The Book Stops Here!

New Conservative Party leader and prime minister, Boris Johnson, has had to further delay the release of his biography of William Shakespeare, 'The Riddle Of Genius', for reasons as yet unknown, but it may be that its release will be cancelled altoge...

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Funny story: God Ignores Prayer From Lonely Drunken Resident For Special Woman To Show Up In His Life

God Ignores Prayer From Lonely Drunken Resident For Special Woman To Show Up In His Life

The Almighty Creator of the Heavens, the Earth, Outer-Space, and everything that is 'seen and unseen' in the complicated fabric that holds the physical and spiritual realms of the Universe together in unfathomable ways, ignored a prayer he received f...

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Funny story: Facebook Set To Ban Pictures Of People's Dinners, Cats, And Ugly Children

Facebook Set To Ban Pictures Of People's Dinners, Cats, And Ugly Children

Facebook chiefs have said that they are working "night and day" to remove upsetting images of posters' dinners from the pages of the social media platform. They are also about to put a complete ban on other images, such as cats. The move has come...

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Funny story: BoJo and Donnie do the obliteration two-step on the deck of the Grace 1 tanker

BoJo and Donnie do the obliteration two-step on the deck of the Grace 1 tanker

In response to Iran's seizure of Britain’s Stena Impero tanker, 19 July, Mr. Johnson and Mr. Trump have taken joint action. Both have been dropped via helicopter onto the deck of Iran’s tanker Grace 1, seized by the British on July 4. This “joi...

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Funny story: London Homophobic Night Bus Attack Boys Face Being Bummed On Live TV As Punishment

London Homophobic Night Bus Attack Boys Face Being Bummed On Live TV As Punishment

The four boys arrested and charged with the homophobic attack of two women who refused to kiss for them on a London bus in May, may have to face an extraordinary punishment if convicted - a sound, powerful and sustained bumming by muscular gay men,...

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Funny story: Student's Favorite Color Was 'Slime Green'

Student's Favorite Color Was 'Slime Green'

A 16-year-old ladyboy student in a school in Bangkok, caused chaos in an English lesson when he answered a question about color preference by declaring that he liked white, but that his favorite color was 'slime green'. His classmates exploded wit...

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Funny story: President Trump Falls Asleep During His Own Speech

President Trump Falls Asleep During His Own Speech

Former vice-presidents Joe Biden and Dick Cheney, former Speaker of the House of Representatives, Newt Gingrich, and the Supreme Court Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Clarence Thomas have all had trouble in the past staying awake during meetings, an...

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Funny story: Royal Marines Boarded Ship With 'Minimum Of Force', Lies Ministry Of Defence

Royal Marines Boarded Ship With 'Minimum Of Force', Lies Ministry Of Defence

An Iranian tanker seized by Royal Marines off Gibraltar earlier this month, was taken with "the minimum of force" says the Ministry of Defence, but the tanker's Indian captain claims that all depends on your interpretation of the word 'minimum'. T...

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Funny story: Andrew Yang Calls Pocahontas An Albino Native American

Andrew Yang Calls Pocahontas An Albino Native American

BILLINGSGATE POST: The first question Rachel Maddow asked when it was her turn to question the Democrat candidates was: “Which one of you is Pocahontas and which of you is Yang?” Yang, obviously an inscrutable Oriental; Pocahontas, on the other...

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Funny story: Business Roundup with The Money

Business Roundup with The Money

"Hi, this is Geoff Dosh." "And I'm Geoff Wonga." "Welcome to The Money. Let's have a look at all the money. In Britain, the money was down. In the EU, the money was unchanged. In the US and China the money was up. Tune in tomorrow to check on h...

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Funny story: Student Allowed To Eat A Mentos Mint, Then Drink Coke, "In The Name Of Science"

Student Allowed To Eat A Mentos Mint, Then Drink Coke, "In The Name Of Science"

A science teacher at a school has said that he gave permission to one of his students to undertake the extraordinarily dangerous challenge of eating a Mentos mint and then quoffing a bottle of Coca Cola, "for the benefit of the other students", and "...

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Funny story: Donald Trump Calls Boris Johnson His Long Lost Poodle

Donald Trump Calls Boris Johnson His Long Lost Poodle

Speaking from the Rose Garden to reporters today, Donald Trump congratulated Boris Johnson as his selection as Prime Minister of Great Britain. "I don't really understand what makes Britain great since they lost our colonies, but I think that's fine,...

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Funny story: Faceless Couple Worry About Who Their Unborn Child Will Look Like

Faceless Couple Worry About Who Their Unborn Child Will Look Like

PIC Listen 253 A faceless couple who are expecting their first child have written that they are concerned over what the baby is going to look like, and who it is most going to resemble when it is born. George and Heather Humdrum, of New Jerse...

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Funny story: Woman Who Read Oxford English Dictionary From Cover To Cover, Not Impressed

Woman Who Read Oxford English Dictionary From Cover To Cover, Not Impressed

A woman who read the Oxford English Dictionary all the way through, has said she wasn't impressed, and wouldn't be recommending it to others. Wendy O'Kooms, 23, a student from Dublin, is an avid reader, and belongs to a Literary Circle which meets...

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Funny story: Cole Porter's Original lyrics for "You're the Top"

Cole Porter's Original lyrics for "You're the Top"

UCLA Special Collections Library. Westwood Village, CA. An historian of popular music, poring through UCLA's vast collection of half-written songs and musicals by the American composer-lyricist Cole Porter, has uncovered what appears to be a fragment...

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Funny story: Nadiya Hussain: "I F*cking Hate Baking and Paul Hollywood's Squirty Cream"

Nadiya Hussain: "I F*cking Hate Baking and Paul Hollywood's Squirty Cream"

Nadiya Hussain is everybody's favourite Muslim cook, unless you are Donald Trump, in which case it's London's mayor, Sadiq Khan, whose curry Karahi always gets the Donald salivating. But Nadiya isn't a happy bunny, as she told Food Editor for The...

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Funny story: Weather Forecast For Today

Weather Forecast For Today

The recent heatwave that's been making things very uncomfortable for some people, especially when trying to sleep, is set to continue in many areas, but there is an end in sight. Here's the weather forecast for the next few days, where YOU are: If...

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Funny story: Facebook to introduce, Odious, Right-Wing, Knuckle-Dragger List

Facebook to introduce, Odious, Right-Wing, Knuckle-Dragger List

Social media giants, Facebook, are to give users of the platform the chance to move people on their friends list, who exhibit, unsavoury, extreme right-wing tendencies, into a category that will run in tandem with their regular friends list but will...

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Funny story: New York Woman Offended When Janitor Misinterprets Friendly Small Talk as Their Actually Being on Same Level

New York Woman Offended When Janitor Misinterprets Friendly Small Talk as Their Actually Being on Same Level

Lynn Belcourt, an attorney in New York City who, despite her privileged upbringing, prides herself on being egalitarian in all her affairs, was mildly offended when janitor Jose Gonzalez seemed to misconstrue her friendly, anti-classist small talk as...

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Funny story: Boris Calls For Return of Public Hanging

Boris Calls For Return of Public Hanging

In what is being seen as a bid to upstage his fellow prime ministerial hopeful, Jeremy Hunt, Boris Johnson yesterday told a local Conservative Party Association that one of the first things he would do as PM would be to reintroduce public hanging.

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Funny story: Idiot Fly Thought Plastic Food Was Real

Idiot Fly Thought Plastic Food Was Real

The commonly-held belief that insects have uncommon intelligence was comprehensively dispelled today, when a fly that landed on a child's plastic toy, not only did not have a 'sixth sense', it didn't even have the sense it was born with! * The hou...

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Funny story: Mueller hides behind couch after whipping

Mueller hides behind couch after whipping

Washington ‘Swamp’ D.C. - CSPANT Cable News Nutwork reports that Mule-Error received a cruel horse-whipping early this morning. Reportedly, he won’t be able to sit for weeks. Southern plantation slave owners abused the poor old crime-hound until he...

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Funny story: Gibraltar to be rebuilt on Olly Murs' big face in the event of a disorderly Brexit say Foreign Office

Gibraltar to be rebuilt on Olly Murs' big face in the event of a disorderly Brexit say Foreign Office

The island of Gibraltar will be abandoned to the Spanish and rebuilt on the big face of British pop icon, Olly Murs, in the event of a no-deal Brexit, it has been revealed. A Foreign Ofice spokesman told newsmen last night: "If we leave the EU wit...

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Funny story: Van Gogh Revolver To Be Used In Artwork Installation

Van Gogh Revolver To Be Used In Artwork Installation

The art world has been 'turned on its head' this weekend with the news that the 7mm Lefaucheux revolver with which artist Vincent van Gogh shot himself on 27 July, 1890, is, itself, to become part of an artwork installation. Van Gogh survived the...

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Funny story: "It Wasn't Me!", Said Girl

"It Wasn't Me!", Said Girl

A filthy young New York streetgirl accused of stealing and eating some chocolate from a shop, has claimed she wasn't responsible, despite the evidence still being all over her face. The grotty urchin, who looked about 5 years old, was interviewed...

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