Harry Maguire Taking Up Too Much Column Space

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 21 August 2019

image for Harry Maguire Taking Up Too Much Column Space
Too much, frankly

There was controversy surrounding Manchester United's £80million newboy defender, Harry Maguire, this evening, when the player was adjudged by some people to have been taking up far too much column space in news pages, and to be 'hogging the limelight'.

Maguire, 26, has not been out of the news since he made the switch from Leicester City two weeks ago, and many people have said they are, frankly, bored with all the attention he is receiving, particularly when most of the things they are reading has been made up.

Even some of the fans at Old Trafford are starting to show irritation, texting racist tweets when one of United's players, Paul Pogba, missed a penalty at Wolves on Monday night, meaning they didn't win.

News outlets everywhere have apologised for the current glut of stories about Maguire, with one writer noting that:

"Shit sells."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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