Next presidential debate to offer reverse format: Mr. Cooper you have thirty seconds

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 6 August 2019

image for Next presidential debate to offer reverse format: Mr. Cooper you have thirty seconds
Presidential debate commission also considering a different style of moderators for the 2020 debates

The commission on the current set of presidential debates has announced a new formula for the next encounter in September.

Instead of news hosts grilling candidates, the candidates themselves will sit off to one side, with prominent news hosts in the spotlight answering questions.

Preliminaries already show promising results for this innovation.

Question from Mr. Buttigieg to Anderson Cooper, CNN 360:

“Tell us why it is you support the nation’s foreign policy at this time, Mr. Cooper. You have thirty seconds.”


“Fifteen seconds.”

“You see, it’s management. I mean what else can I do?

“Five seconds.”

“To get to the bottom of the question, I mean, it’s all about income—”

“That’s all, Mr. Cooper. You’re out of time.”

“I mean that’s reality, isn’t it?”

Question from Ms. Gabbard to Jake Tapper, CNN:

“Mr. Tapper, why is it your network and mainstream news in general is smearing my candidacy at this time. You have fourteen seconds.”

“I will be happy to take my entire fourteen seconds explaining—”

“Seven seconds, Mr. Tapper.”

“Anyone who meets with Butcher Assad, as we have carefully established—”

“Four seconds.”

“With our careful research, based on our sources in al-qaeda, plus formerly in Turkey, when it was more clearly an ally—”

“Out of time, Mr. Tapper.”

Question from Ms. Harris to Rachel Maddow, MSNBC:

“Tell me, Ms. Maddow, how you’re personally going to resurrect the Russia-gate story, now that it’s debunked, and your ratings have tanked. Fifteen seconds.

“Wait a minute! Cooper got thirty seconds.”

“Ten seconds, Ms. Maddow. Your question is easier.”

“Look, if you don’t believe Vladimir Putin right now is pulling strings right here at this debate—”

“Five seconds.”

“More than likely, whether you know it or not—”

“You’re out of time.”

“Controlling your microphone right now!”

“Thank you, Ms. Maddow.”

Reports of this programming innovation already indicate increased audience enthusiasm and higher advertising ratings as we move closer to selecting a candidate for the 2020 Presidential Election.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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