Peaky Wankers

Written by Backandtotheleft

Thursday, 29 August 2019

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Peaky Belinda

A school in Berwentwood On The Wolds has had an influx of Peaky Blinders-themed names as easily-influenced parents make daft choices and treat their kids as fashion accessories.

The National Office of Statistics have admitted that the most popular name registered in the last 8 months has been “Peaky”, with “Blinder” coming a close second, while some particularly lazy parents have just called their kid “Hat”, with over 400 parents taking this option.

Headmistress Lucy Golde said:

"We’re looking forward to welcoming our new students, no matter how stupid their names are. I was a teacher when Jurassic Park came out, and I had three young children called “Raptor” in my tutor group, so nothing surprises me. After all it’ll be better than all those badly spelt Game of Thrones names I had to put up with."

“Peaky Blinders” is a TV program that we’ve personally never watched because anything over five minutes in length stretches our attention spans to the limit.

Lois Shell, mother of 9, said:

"I think it’s magical to call a wee bain after what you were doing at the time you conceived. So that’s why I’m calling Darren’s kid “Peaky Blinder Series Three”. It'll fit in with my lad called Gregg. The one we conceived while I was eating a sausage roll."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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