Harry Maguire Is Sick And Tired Of All The Stupid Made-up Stories About Him

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 15 August 2019

image for Harry Maguire Is Sick And Tired Of All The Stupid Made-up Stories About Him
Some back teeth earlier

Manchester United's new £80million star, Harry Maguire, has said he is absolutely "fed up to the back teeth" of all the stories about him circulating on the internet, in which there is absolutely no truth whatsoever.

Maguire, 26, signed for United in a world-record deal for a defender, and was man-of-the-match in the Reds' 4-0 Premier League opening day victory against Chelsea at Old Trafford.

But life is not a total 'bed of roses' for the heroic Yorkshire hunk, as he explains:

"It's fine being a football superstar, but these constant made-up stories are a constant source of worry for me. Sometimes, I lay awake, tossing and turning, thinking about all the silly things that are being written about me."

But, he said, you have to be philosophical about it all.

"It's just one of those things, I suppose. It 'goes with the territory', so to speak. And, at the end of the day, I'm filthy rich, so I'll just grit my teeth and put up with it as best I can."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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