Peter Schmeichel Says Harry Maguire Is The Best Keeper In The World Right Now

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 16 August 2019

image for Peter Schmeichel Says Harry Maguire Is The Best Keeper In The World Right Now
Schmeichel, or possibly that German bloke

Former Manchester United 'custodian of the net', Peter Schmeichel, has said that the club's recent £80million signing of Harry Maguire was a shrewd move, as the former Sheffield United, Hull City and Leicester City player is the best goalkeeper in the world at the moment.

Schmeichel, the former Danish international, should know. He made 292 appearances in goal for the Reds between 1991 and 1999. His son, Kasper, is the Leicester City 'keeper, and Peter's wife is also an avid 'keeper' - of things.

Nowadays, she keeps bees and goldfish - not together, you understand; that would be absolutely ridiculous - but when they lived in Denmark during the 1980s, she kept a rather nice collection of Viking helmets.

She, it was, who originally told her husband "Maguire has got what it takes".

The ex-Reds' goalie is still involved at United at a coaching level, and says he saw Maguire in training last week, and immediately, and instinctively, knew that he was a great 'keeper. The Dane said:

"He's got all the attributes of a truly great goalkeeper. He's big, tall, mobile, and has got big hands, as well as a biggish head, although that's not really relevant. He can jump and bustle other players about, and he can get his body in the way."

United currently have three goalkeepers in their squad: David de Gea, Lee Grant and Sergio Romero, but, says Schmeichel, Maguire outstrips them all.

"Maguire outstrips them all," said Peter.

This, however, has given manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer an enormous selection headache.

Peter's wife is going to start keeping schtum after this.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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