Balmoral, Scotland - (McHaggis Times): A bankrupt Ukrainian former yellowcake mining mogul has been sent packing from Balmoral Castle following a police raid on Grouse Cottage in the royal estate’s Muckadder slopes.
Arkady Chernobylblastov, 69, had been renting the Royal Deeside property when Scottish special branch forces swooped in a 6am bust.
Search warrants seen by the Spoof website’s head of snipe and grouse game-hunting business had named him a ‘threat to indigenous Scottish wild life’ ahead of the traditional Glorious Twelfth of August shoot.
The former mining mogul had famously been one of Prince Andrew’s best men at the royal’s 1986 wedding to social climbing gold digger Sarah, Duchess of Pork.
However, the men soon fell out over a yellowcake wedding cake recipe for one of the ex-mogul’s delightful girls.
Commenting on his unceremonious ejection from the six-bedroom Royal Peeside property a butler to the Duke and Duchess of Haggis said the Ukrainian ‘had frightened an otter and two beavers’ during a recent phishing expedition.
Six months’ rent may also be owing as well as a side of Aberdeenshire venison.
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