Harry Maguire Anonymous In Manchester United's Draw With Southampton

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 31 August 2019

image for Harry Maguire Anonymous In Manchester United's Draw With Southampton
A woman pushing a boat out

Harry Maguire, Manchester United's £80million central defender who has received extensive media coverage recently, was almost anonymous in his side's 1-1 draw with Southampton this afternoon, and wasn't even mentioned in the BBC Sport match report I read a few minutes ago.

Maguire, 26, must have put in a largely forgettable performance, doing only what was absolutely necessary, merely 'going through the motions', and simply collecting his salary, without 'pushing the boat out', 'going the extra mile', or anything else too taxing.

We know this because, had he put in a performance that was even slightly above average, the media would have been singing his praises from the rooftops, and 'creaming their underpants'.

Final score from The Dell:

Southampton 1 Maguire United 1

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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