Harry Maguire Speaks Out On Amazon Rainforest Fires

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 26 August 2019

image for Harry Maguire Speaks Out On Amazon Rainforest Fires
"Be careful! Fires are extremely hot!" warns Harry Maguire

The thousands of fires that are currently sweeping through the Amazon rainforests of Brazil are a global environmental catastrophe, and, offering his considered opinion on the subject, Manchester United newboy, Harry Maguire, has said the whole fiasco "needs sorting out."

The fires are reported to have been started deliberately in a 'deforestation' exercise, but Maguire, 26, said:

"It's a very silly idea to burn down those trees, because they will take ever such a long time to grow again. Also, trees make oxygen for us to breathe, and if we don't have oxygen to breathe, we'll die. Honest!"

Maguire also criticised illegal logging. He said:

"People in Brazil should stop logging. Trees are our friends."

And fires, he advised, were dangerous things:

"My mum always told me never to mess around with fire, and never to play with matches, and I think that was good advice. I'd just like to pass that advice on to the people of Brazil: always make sure an adult is present when you start a blaze."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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