Harry Maguire Given Go-ahead To Stay In Bed Late On Monday Morning

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 11 August 2019

image for Harry Maguire Given Go-ahead To Stay In Bed Late On Monday Morning
Harry and his tired feet recovering from a busy first week at United

Harry Maguire, the new pin-up boy of football, who signed for Manchester United for £80million from Leicester City last Monday, made his debut at Old Trafford against Chelsea this afternoon, and has received the go-ahead from manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer to stay in bed a bit later tomorrow morning.

Maguire showed why United felt it necessary to splash out such a huge amount of money on him, by producing a masterly performance at the heart of their defence, snuffing out any Chelsea threat, in a 4-0 victory.

Solskjaer has said that superstars being superstars, Maguire has earned the right to wake up a little bit later than the rest of the team, by virtue of being a little more expensive.

Aside from that, however, Maguire has had a busy week. He's met US president, Donald Trump, been to Switzerland to inspect the Hadron Collider, liaised with Prime Minister Boris Johnson on Brexit, started filming the next James Bond movie, bought some new football boots, read the News at Ten, and gone into the studio to record his Christmas single.

Said Harry:

"It's been a busy week, but that's how it goes when you're a superstar footballer. Everybody wants a piece of you! But, anyway, it'll be nice to get a few minutes extra in bed tomorrow morning."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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