There have been 232 spoof news stories published in September 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: Harry Maguire Under Investigation After Making Phone Call To Jamie Vardy

Harry Maguire Under Investigation After Making Phone Call To Jamie Vardy

Manchester United and England centre-half, Harry Maguire, is in hot water this evening, after he was discovered making a telephone call to his former teammate at Leicester City, Jamie Vardy. Maguire and Vardy were best friends at Filbert Street, w...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Wins National Lottery

Harry Maguire Wins National Lottery

In a story almost too unbelievable to be believed, the Manchester United and England centre-half, Harry Maguire's namesake, Mr. H Maguire of Manchester, has won the National Lottery jackpot this weekend. Mr. Maguire, whose first name - coincidenta...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Signing Was "The Last Straw", Says Alexis Sanchez

Harry Maguire Signing Was "The Last Straw", Says Alexis Sanchez

Alexis Sanchez, the Manchester United striker, who has signed a season-long loan deal with Italian giants, Inter Milan, has said his decision to leave Old Trafford was finally taken when manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer bought Harry Maguire for £80millio...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Suspended Indefinitely For Playing With Inflated Balls

Harry Maguire Suspended Indefinitely For Playing With Inflated Balls

BILLINGSGATE POST: Harry Maguire, the most expensive defender in world football, has been suspended after Manchester United fought to a 1-1 draw with lightly regarded Southampton yesterday. After challenging his team to improve their performance...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire performs famous Dragonball move during training, injuring three teammates

Harry Maguire performs famous Dragonball move during training, injuring three teammates

Yesterday during a training session at Old Trafford, star Man Utd defender performed the famous 'Kamehameha' in a mock attempt to stop Daniel James' shot. Unbeknownst to tbe defender, a real beam of light actually shot out and hit three other play...

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Funny story: Jurgen Klopp Set For Liverpool Exit?

Jurgen Klopp Set For Liverpool Exit?

Liverpool manager, Jurgen Klopp, has aroused speculation amongst fans that he harbours a secret desire to become a ventriloquist, and has had a mouthful of new teeth fitted to help him to achieve his goal. Klopp was being interviewed by the BBC's...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire England Captain For Bulgaria Game

Harry Maguire England Captain For Bulgaria Game

Harry Maguire has been named as England captain for the European Championship qualifier against Bulgaria at Wembley on Saturday (17:00 BST). Maguire, 26, will lead the national team out for the first time, as they bid to continue their great start...

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Funny story: H&M To Consider Namechange After Confusion With Famous Footballer

H&M To Consider Namechange After Confusion With Famous Footballer

The fashion clothing retailer, H&M, are said to be considering a namechange for their brand, after it was revealed that many of their customers are under the impression that the company is run by the Manchester United and England central defender...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Is Going To Teach Those Cockney Bastards, West Ham, A Lesson

Harry Maguire Is Going To Teach Those Cockney Bastards, West Ham, A Lesson

As Manchester United get ready for their important Premier League clash with West Ham United at Upton Park tomorrow (kick-off 2:00pm), centre-half Harry Maguire has spoken to reporters ahead of the game, warning the Hammers that, if they trifle with...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Sustains Wrist Injury

Harry Maguire Sustains Wrist Injury

Just when England needed him to stay fit, Manchester United centre-half, Harry Maguire, has reported he has sprained his wrist 'at home'. He didn't elaborate any further. Maguire, 26, has hardly been out of the news since his £80million summer...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire In Tears After Insults From Leicester City Fans

Harry Maguire In Tears After Insults From Leicester City Fans

He may be a rock at the heart of the Manchester United defensive unit, but centre-half, Harry Maguire, is also human, and the player has, today, touchingly told of how he wept openly after fans of his former club, Leicester City, hurled insults at hi...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire And Mason Greenwood Have Become Great Friends

Harry Maguire And Mason Greenwood Have Become Great Friends

It's always nice when someone more experienced takes a younger person 'under his wing', and 'shows him the ropes', and that is precisely what has happened at Manchester United, with central defender, Harry Maguire, looking out for teenage striker, Ma...

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Funny story: Theresa May in new opera: “Schadenfreude in the Afternoon”

Theresa May in new opera: “Schadenfreude in the Afternoon”

Ms. May is reported heavily engaged in rehearsals for the new opera, due to open in London October 31. At the same time, a melange of parliamentarians is re-thinking Mr. Johnson’s call for a new election. They suggest voters be offered the fol...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Bat At Number 11, If Needed

Harry Maguire To Bat At Number 11, If Needed

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender who cost the Red Devils £80million when he made a summer switch from Leicester City, has said he will switch sports completely this afternoon, and bat as last man for the England cricket team, in...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Participate In General Election

Harry Maguire To Participate In General Election

Harry Maguire, the 26-year-old Manchester United centre-half, who became the costliest defender in the world when he signed for the Old Trafford club from Leicester City, has announced he will stand as an independent candidate against Boris Johnson i...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Commemorative Stamp To Be Issued By Royal Mail

Harry Maguire Commemorative Stamp To Be Issued By Royal Mail

Royal Mail have announced that, due to the extraordinary public interest in the Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, they are to issue a special commemorative stamp featuring the player, with a postage rate value of 80p.

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To 'Go Commando' Against Leicester On Saturday

Harry Maguire To 'Go Commando' Against Leicester On Saturday

Manchester United's £80million pin-up boy defender, Harry Maguire, is ready to set the Premier League alight, after vowing last night that he will 'go commando' for Saturday's match against his former club, Leicester City at Old Trafford. Women ev...

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Funny story: Mané to quit soccer for golf

Mané to quit soccer for golf

This is Reporter 87, bringing you news from the football grounds. Today, I'm at Anfield. Yesterday, reports were made that Sadio Mané, professional footballer for Liverpool FC was involved in a slight conflict with fellow striker Mo Salah because...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Speaks Out About 9/11

Harry Maguire Speaks Out About 9/11

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, has spoken out on what he says was one of the most memorable days of his life - September 11, 2001, the day of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks. Sheffield-born Maguire, now 26, was onl...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Female Fans Plan To Sling Their Knickers Onto Old Trafford Pitch

Harry Maguire Female Fans Plan To Sling Their Knickers Onto Old Trafford Pitch

Manchester United's Harry Maguire has caused a panic after announcing that he would play Saturday's match against his former club, Leicester City, at Old Trafford, wearing with no underpants. His words prompted members of his female fanclub to res...

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Funny story: DNC worried about upcoming debate question: “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

DNC worried about upcoming debate question: “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

According to insider sources, the Democratic National Convention’s favorite candidate at this time is Joe Biden, as the most suitable replacement for Hillary Clinton. However, due to what happened in 2016, the DNC is nervous. Despite the DNC's...

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Funny story: The FDA orders vape juice to taste like fecal matter in light of youth vaping crisis

The FDA orders vape juice to taste like fecal matter in light of youth vaping crisis

To stem the tide of youth smokers and those using vaping products such as Juul devices, the FDA will be adding numerous new regulations for cigarettes and vaping products. In addition to banning menthol cigarettes to help reduce the number of youth a...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire With His Champions League Round-up

Harry Maguire With His Champions League Round-up

Manchester United and England central defender Harry Maguire drops in to help out with the details of the Champions League matches on a busy night in Europe. It was a busy night of European football last night, with many of the top teams involved...

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Funny story: Mason Greenwood To Be Wrapped In Cotton Wool

Mason Greenwood To Be Wrapped In Cotton Wool

Mason Greenwood, the 17-year-old Manchester United striker, is to be wrapped in cotton wool, in order that the precocious talent might avoid getting injured. Greenwood showed extreme maturity, last night, in scoring United's only goal in their 1-0...

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Funny story: Local Administrator Touts School Security: “Tanks, RPGs, and Nuclear-tipped Submarines Don’t have a Chance Against Our Elementary Schools”

Local Administrator Touts School Security: “Tanks, RPGs, and Nuclear-tipped Submarines Don’t have a Chance Against Our Elementary Schools”

Parents can sleep easy tonight. Local administrator Mike Curswads reassured government officials, reporters, and anyone who had a day off, that all students will get through the school year unscathed by small arms fire or explosive devices. He cou...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Have Beans On Toast For Tea On Wednesday Night

Harry Maguire To Have Beans On Toast For Tea On Wednesday Night

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender that people just can't stop talking about, is scheduled to have beans on toast for his tea on Wednesday evening, if the word of his girlfriend, Fern Hawkins, is anything to go by. Maguire, 26,...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Appear In Final Star Wars Movie

Harry Maguire To Appear In Final Star Wars Movie

The light-speed emergence into the world of entertainment of Manchester United central defender, Harry Maguire, has not gone unnoticed in Hollywood, and earlier today, it was revealed by Lucasfilm and Bad Robot Productions that the footballer is to m...

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Funny story: “Homelessness is Horrible” Say Trump and GOP Donors at $50,000/Plate Dinner in Beverly Hills

“Homelessness is Horrible” Say Trump and GOP Donors at $50,000/Plate Dinner in Beverly Hills

Washington - President Donald Trump flew on Air Force One yesterday, to Los Angeles for a fundraising dinner in Beverly Hills. Speaking to his audience of wealthy donors, he chided local authorities for allowing the homeless population to increase d...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Lead 'Storm Area 51' Charge

Harry Maguire To Lead 'Storm Area 51' Charge

As the tension in Nevada increases in the build-up to this coming weekend's extraterrestrial events at Area 51, the Manchester United and England centre-half, Harry Maguire, has thrown his hat into the ring, and says that he, himself, will travel to...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Join Maharishi Mahesh Yogi To Save World From Monkey Woods

Harry Maguire To Join Maharishi Mahesh Yogi To Save World From Monkey Woods

BILLINGSGATE POST: Intrigued by the techniques of Transcendental Meditation, Harry Maguire visited the Maharishi’s training camp in Rishikesh, India during a break in competition after Manchester United was ignominiously tied 1-1 by second tier Sout...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire: One On One Interview With Mumbles

Harry Maguire: One On One Interview With Mumbles

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a nearly incoherent interview with Harry Maguire after Manchester United defeated Leicester City 1-0 Saturday, crack reporter Mumbles digs deep into the psyche of the Manchester defenseman. Mumbles: “Umm - Umm...Ri afder yrr...

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Funny story: Man Fell Off Bus

Man Fell Off Bus

News is just reaching us about an incident in the Thai capital of Bangkok, where a man alighting from an air-conditioned public transport bus came a cropper, and not so much 'got off' it, as 'fell off it'. The man, who may never be identified, was...

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Funny story: The Magpie Murder

The Magpie Murder

A notorious magpie in Sydney has been shot dead today, prompting many to agree that “the Aussies don’t take shit”. The magpie, which wasn’t given a name because people just knew they were going to have to kill the bastard, was known to attack passers...

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Funny story: Mason Greenwood: Is He The New Harry Maguire?

Mason Greenwood: Is He The New Harry Maguire?

They're two entirely different players playing in different positions, from different backgrounds and with different ages, builds and skin colours, and, in many ways, couldn't be more different, so it's a surprise to many people that Mason Greenwood...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Has A Day Off

Harry Maguire Has A Day Off

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender who cost the club £80million in a summer transfer from Leicester City, has been taking it easy at home, having a day off before facing his former Foxes teammates at Old Trafford in the Premier Lea...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire: Why Tulza Tuzon, Aka HAF-AND-HAF, Hates Him

Harry Maguire: Why Tulza Tuzon, Aka HAF-AND-HAF, Hates Him

BILLINGSGATE POST: Tulza Tuzon, a.k.a. Haf-and-Haf, is still pissed that Harry Maguire left Leicester for Man Utd in the summer transfer window. It didn’t help that when he faced his old club for the first time since the move, Maguire’s new team eke...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Be Britain's Next Prime Minister?

Harry Maguire To Be Britain's Next Prime Minister?

When Boris Johnson lied to the Queen about the prorogation of Parliament last week, and was then 'found out', it was the death knell for the egotistical, shock-headed prime minister who, if he'll lie to Her Majesty, cannot surely be trusted to tell...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire’s Balls Fail Test: Heads To Fall In New “Deflategate”

Harry Maguire’s Balls Fail Test: Heads To Fall In New “Deflategate”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Managing Director of the Premier League, Richard Masters, announced today that Harry Maguire’s balls were tested by ACME Ball Evaluators, a subsidiary of the ACME Corporation. The results, Masters revealed, showed evidence of pre...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Implicated In Huge Betting Scandal

Harry Maguire Implicated In Huge Betting Scandal

Police are looking into a huge betting scandal in the wake of the England football team's 5-3 victory over Kosovo in Southampton last night, with central defender Harry Maguire being the focus of their investigation. Maguire, it was, who dithered...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Named In Yak Palimony Suit

Harry Maguire Named In Yak Palimony Suit

BILLINGSGATE POST: Details are irrelevant. But it seems that ever since he was suspended from Manchester United for playing with his under-Inflated balls, things have gone down hill for the beleaguered Maguire. The domestic yak (Bos grunniens) i...

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Funny story: Disturbed Calculus Professor Looking Forward To The Mental Pain, Agony, And Weeping That Will Occur Next December

Disturbed Calculus Professor Looking Forward To The Mental Pain, Agony, And Weeping That Will Occur Next December

Minneapolis, Minnesota. Angry, volatile, emotionally explosive, and basically upset with life in general, Calculus Professor, Hugh Lane, 57, confessed, Thursday, that he can't wait to unleash hideous and unholy amounts of torture and punishment on s...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson Admits That He Is A Right Cunt

Boris Johnson Admits That He Is A Right Cunt

In an extraordinary impromptu press conference held outside 10 Downing Street just minutes ago, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said that he doesn't want a snap General Election, Britain will leave the EU on 31 October, and that, without any shadow...

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Funny story: Tea Leaves Spoilt Man's Bedtime Cuppa

Tea Leaves Spoilt Man's Bedtime Cuppa

A drink before bedtime is often just the thing to help us settle down for a good night's sleep, but one man was left ruing his decision to have a cup of tea last night, when he nearly choked on a throatful of tea leaves that had escaped their tea bag...

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Funny story: U.S. Border Policy Rebranded as Trumpcare

U.S. Border Policy Rebranded as Trumpcare

Not to be outdone by former president Barack Obama's signature healthcare plan commonly known as Obamacare, United States president Donald Trump has rebranded his self-initiated border policy of imposing criminal penalties for unauthorized border cro...

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Funny story: Meghan Markle Bombshell: Doc Billingsgate Removed my Diseased Lung

Meghan Markle Bombshell: Doc Billingsgate Removed my Diseased Lung

Royal watchers on both sides of the Atlantic were in a state of shock last night as the Duchess of Sussex revealed that an American satirist performed emergency kerbside surgery to remove one of her lungs after she collapsed in the road during a walk...

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Funny story: White House fury at local school's plans to replace dunce's cap with Trump wig

White House fury at local school's plans to replace dunce's cap with Trump wig

An East London infants school's decision to replace the old style dunce's cap - traditionally worn by slow-witted pupils - for a bright yellow "Trump Wig" has been met with a furious reaction from the Trump administration and from the President himse...

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Funny story: Trump Suggests Downgrading Hurricanes To Prevent Them Becoming Bigger

Trump Suggests Downgrading Hurricanes To Prevent Them Becoming Bigger

Donald Trump apparently forgot that two hurricanes that have been 'on his watch' reached Category 5, when he said, "I've heard of Category 4; I didn't realize that Category 5 was a thing!" "No, I don't see why we are allowing hurricanes to reach C...

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Funny story: Human Evolution Comes to Screeching Halt

Human Evolution Comes to Screeching Halt

In a marked shift from evolutionary patterns of the past, scientists say that modem-day human evolution has come to a screeching halt. "If anything, we're regressing," said evolutionary biologist Peter Forman, Ph.D. "We didn't really want to publi...

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Funny story: Pro-Cannabis MP Forgets To Attend Legalisation Debate

Pro-Cannabis MP Forgets To Attend Legalisation Debate

A Liberal Democrat MP was heavily criticised by party rank and file yesterday after failing to attend the first reading of his own private member's bill in which he calls for the legalisation of cannabis in certain exceptional cases. Called upon...

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Funny story: Ariana Grande's mother was a North Sea halibut, DNA test reveals.

Ariana Grande's mother was a North Sea halibut, DNA test reveals.

The world of pop was reeling last night after a leading genetic scientist revealed that American pop princess, Ariana Grande's mother was a halibut from the North Sea in an area just off the coast of Great Yarmouth. Professor, Tobias Dell, 72, tol...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire is unlockable as new character in Minecraft Earth

Harry Maguire is unlockable as new character in Minecraft Earth

Mojang has recently announced the launch of its new game, Minecraft Earth. The game provides a new light on the Minecraft gaming world, and recently, Mojang has also become the newest sponsor of Manchester United. Because of this, Mojang have als...

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Funny story: Sis-Boom-Bah: What Does A Sheep Sound Like When It Explodes?

Sis-Boom-Bah: What Does A Sheep Sound Like When It Explodes?

BILLINGSGATE POST: It’s noteworthy that Dr. Billingsgate is deviating from his successful Harry Maguire formula that has brought him fame and fortune. However, exploding sheep may have a greater cult following in England than the overpaid Manchester...

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Funny story: Duck Theft Causes Animosity

Duck Theft Causes Animosity

The theft of a duck during the early hours of Friday morning has had a profound effect on one local community, setting tongues wagging amid suspicions as to who the culprits might eventually turn out to be. The audacious nature of the crime, thou...

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Funny story: Toothless Yak Gums Food For Edentulous Granny

Toothless Yak Gums Food For Edentulous Granny

BILLINGSGATE POST: Praise the Lord! It’s rare that such a heartwarming story surfaces in a world bereft of humanity. This was a match made in heaven. Granny Lizzie Kocolochek, who lived a life of quiet desperation, lost all of her teeth by the...

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Funny story: Felixweather “Fly Face” Limpp, Jr. To Join Leicester City After Manchester Defeat

Felixweather “Fly Face” Limpp, Jr. To Join Leicester City After Manchester Defeat

BILLINGSGATE POST: Devastated after being defeated by the bullies from Manchester United today, Leicester City Manager Brendan Rodgers announced that they purchased the contract of LA Galaxy Defenseman, Felixweather “Fly Face” Limpp, Jr. Just wh...

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Funny story: Trump is Controlling Hurricane Dorian by Twitter Feed

Trump is Controlling Hurricane Dorian by Twitter Feed

Somewhere in Virginia, President Trump once again proved his power, as he informed the nation that he was keeping Hurricane Dorian under control via his executive powers and Twitter feed while golfing in Virginia. "I, the Chosen One, am doing my b...

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Funny story: Man Was Captivated By Air Hostess During Airline Onboard Safety Check

Man Was Captivated By Air Hostess During Airline Onboard Safety Check

A male passenger on an airline flight from Helsinki to Bangkok at the weekend has revealed how he was "mesmerised" by one of the flight's stewardesses during the airline safety check procedure at the commencement of his journey. The passenger, 56,...

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Funny story: Arm British dinner ladies with blunderbusses says Jacob Rees-Mogg

Arm British dinner ladies with blunderbusses says Jacob Rees-Mogg

Controversial Conservative MP, Jacobs Rees-Mogg has proposed that school dinner ladies should be armed with 18th Century blunderbusses to keep children safe from, individuals he termed, "mountebanks, footpads, and ragamuffins" during school playtimes...

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Funny story: Trump Will Personally Aid Hurricane Victims

Trump Will Personally Aid Hurricane Victims

Camp David, Maryland. President Donald Trump met today with officials from the Federal Emergency Management Agency [FEMA] and governors of several states in the path of Hurricane Dorian. Trump promised that FEMA has the resources necessary to cope wi...

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Funny story: Bill Belichick Leaving Patriots To Join Green Leaf Cannabis, Ltd.

Bill Belichick Leaving Patriots To Join Green Leaf Cannabis, Ltd.

BILLINGSGATE POST: Bill Belichick, head coach for the New England Patriots, announced today that he is leaving the Patriots, effective immediately, to join Green Leaf Cannabis, Ltd. Belichick, whose resume includes six Super Bowl victories with t...

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Funny story: Extreme Northerner Found in Cave on Cumbrian Border

Extreme Northerner Found in Cave on Cumbrian Border

A man, estimated to be in his 60s, who was discovered living in a cave on the Cumbrian/Scottish border, has been dubbed Britain's Most Northern Man, due to the traits he has displayed since being found by a woman out walking her dog last Tuesday.

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Funny story: The Pouch Play: Manchester United Stretches The Rules

The Pouch Play: Manchester United Stretches The Rules

BILLINGSGATE POST: Did Manchester United stretch the rules when they signed the Pouch just days after the transfer of Harry Maguire in a transaction that rocked the Premier League last month? Just who is the Pouch? And why was he signed by Manch...

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Funny story: Drag Queen Wins Miss England Pageant: Measures 36-24-36-9

Drag Queen Wins Miss England Pageant: Measures 36-24-36-9

BILLINGSGATE POST: Wilma, née Woody Wentworth of Westminster won the Miss England Pageant held in Worstershire this weekend. According to public records, Wilma changed her name to Woody after undergoing a sex change operation a year ago. Woody p...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Fight Prince Charles In Historic UFC Showdown

Harry Maguire To Fight Prince Charles In Historic UFC Showdown

BILLINGSGATE POST: Pending dual approval by British Chancellor of the Exchequer, Sajid Javier and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, the UFC showdown between suspended Manchester United defenseman Harry Maguire and Prince Charles has been set for October...

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Funny story: Tropical Storm Humberto - A Danger To Young Girls

Tropical Storm Humberto - A Danger To Young Girls

Tropical Storm Humberto has gained strength overnight, and is likely to be reclassified as a hurricane this morning, according to a tweet posted just minutes ago by President Donald Trump. Mr Trump also stated that Hurricane Humberto would be a da...

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Funny story: Comic Book Characters Too Macho for Disney

Comic Book Characters Too Macho for Disney

If, like me, you grew up in the 1960s or 1970s, you will be familiar with comics. Lying on your tummy and reading about superheroes was a weekly event. Sadly hollywood is going woke and ruining even American favourites. Here's a few of my heroes who...

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Funny story: Republicans Follow Putin's Advice: Cancel Presidential Primaries

Republicans Follow Putin's Advice: Cancel Presidential Primaries

Moscow, Russia. Vladimir Putin sent congratulatory telegrams to Republican leaders in the four states that have cancelled their presidential primaries in order to keep three Republican challengers to Trump off the ballot. "You have made the right...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Decides "Nuance" His Favorite Word

Nashville Man Decides "Nuance" His Favorite Word

Accused in his youth of possessing all the tact of a bull in a china shop, now-polished Nashville native Kenneth Skye has adopted nuance as a way of life - and his favorite word. "It's classy and sort of French-sounding without all the hype," said...

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Funny story: GreenPeace decries Barnacling Support

GreenPeace decries Barnacling Support

Greenpeace officials are mourning the loss of several ardent but exhausted environmentalists today, whose efforts to protect a ship at sea engaged in protective manoeuvres met with tragedy, after pirates boarded them. "We think they were....s...

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Funny story: 'Fake' Ashes to be replayed

'Fake' Ashes to be replayed

Just a year after the ball-tampering scandal in South Africa which rocked Australian cricket, the villain and cheat of that game, Steve Smith, has now been caught trying to dupe all and sundry in the Ashes series in England. His magnificent innings w...

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Funny story: Democrat Congress to Make "Capitalism" Illegal by 2020

Democrat Congress to Make "Capitalism" Illegal by 2020

NEW YORK - A recent CNBC business segment with Jim Cramer reported that Wall Street would face "annihilation" if Elizabeth Warren were to be elected President of the United States in 2020. Although an "Ultra-Millionaire Tax" got the most attention, t...

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Funny story: Man Impaled On Fencepost Will Not Be At Work On Monday

Man Impaled On Fencepost Will Not Be At Work On Monday

A man who fell 30 feet from a building onto a steel fencepost is lucky to be alive this evening, say medical staff, but he won't be at work on Monday. Peter Wolfe, 30, a construction worker on a new housing project in Minneapolis, was carrying a l...

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Funny story: Embroids to solve world’s problems

Embroids to solve world’s problems

Hellsinky - Corporations are lining up to purchase cheap embroids, according to Consumer Died magazine. Joe Sixpack is even ordering them. An embroid is a stem cell tricked into becoming a zombie phantom embryo; a teeny tiny little baby. This...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson Meets Barbara Windsor About Dementia, But There Is Confusion Over Which Of The Two Has Been More Severely Affected

Boris Johnson Meets Barbara Windsor About Dementia, But There Is Confusion Over Which Of The Two Has Been More Severely Affected

Prime Minister, Boris Johnson took time off from driving the country nearer to destruction this afternoon, when he met with former EastEnders actress, Barbara Windsor, for a discussion on dementia. Introductions went well, but, during the meeting,...

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Funny story: Man's Friend Rang Him Up To Talk About Brexit

Man's Friend Rang Him Up To Talk About Brexit

A man who is "fed up to the back teeth" of Brexit, has told of how a friend telephoned him the other night, with the specific intention of having a good old chinwag about nothing more excrutiatingly-boring than Britain's exit from the European Union.

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Funny story: The Four Horsemen Of Liverpool Ride Again

The Four Horsemen Of Liverpool Ride Again

BILLINGSGATE POST: Outlined against a blue-gray September sky, the Four Horsemen rode again. In biblical lore, they are known as Famine, Pestilence, Destruction and Death. These are only aliases. Their real names are Wood, Firmino, Mané and Alexand...

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Funny story: Local man doesn’t much like the look of guests in TripAdvisor photo of his holiday hotel

Local man doesn’t much like the look of guests in TripAdvisor photo of his holiday hotel

A 45-year-old Whitechapel man has expressed deep concerns about the standard of some of the guests pictured staying at the 4-star hotel in Crete where he will be spending 2 weeks at the end of this month. Toby Dell, a forklift truck driver from Va...

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Funny story: Boris goes to the dogs

Boris goes to the dogs

Downing Street is now the home of another furry four-legged hound who needs castration - besides Boris Johnson. The new prime minister has taken a break from ripping up UK democracy to get a pet dog. Dilyn is the name of the Jack Russell terrier.

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Funny story: Map of Hurricane Dorian Shows Trump Abuse of Power

Map of Hurricane Dorian Shows Trump Abuse of Power

WASHINGTON DC - Democrats are certain that they now have the evidence to impeach President Trump, because of the NOAA weather map of Hurricane Dorian from August 29th. Every meteorologist and a former Canadian Prime Minister had 100% certainty that a...

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Funny story: Trump Ex-Wife Reveals All His Secrets--Including His Biggest Hero!

Trump Ex-Wife Reveals All His Secrets--Including His Biggest Hero!

New York, NY In an exclusive interview (which cost this publication a pretty penny), Marla Maples, ex-wife of President Trump, revealed many unrevealed tidbits about Trump. It is thought that Ms. Maples is revealing all this in retaliation for Trump...

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Funny story: Technical Writer Devastates Loyal Fans And Readers By Handing In Two Week Notice

Technical Writer Devastates Loyal Fans And Readers By Handing In Two Week Notice

Minneapolis, Minnesota. Many wise and mature individuals will humbly acknowledge that the best stories unfortunately need endings, and that even the world's greatest authors eventually write their final words. Nothing, however, could have prepared...

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Funny story: "Iran is Acting Irrationally and Unpredictably" Says Totally Rational Predictable Guy Who Wrecked Their Economy

"Iran is Acting Irrationally and Unpredictably" Says Totally Rational Predictable Guy Who Wrecked Their Economy

Washington - President Trump lashed out at the leaders of Iran on Twitter last night, saying that the United States is "locked and loaded", and ready to attack its adversary in response to the drone attack on Saudi oil facilities over the weekend.

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Funny story: United States to Annex State of Anxiety

United States to Annex State of Anxiety

Not to be deterred by his failed bid to purchase Greenland, United States President, Donald Trump, recently announced that the nation will be annexing the 51st state - specifically, the state of Anxiety. "Rich in natural resources like indigenous...

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Funny story: Williamson-Bashing Reveals Neocon Core of Not-So-Sweet "News" Source The Onion

Williamson-Bashing Reveals Neocon Core of Not-So-Sweet "News" Source The Onion

In a reactionary swing toward neoconservativism, satirical "news" outlet The Onion mocked the positivity of  Democratic presidential vier Marianne Williamson, revealing that that beneath its chuckle-ready foreskin, The Onion may not be so sweet. "...

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Funny story: Demand For Sharpies Soar After Trump Uses One to Move a Hurricane--Ticonderoga To Enter Market Also

Demand For Sharpies Soar After Trump Uses One to Move a Hurricane--Ticonderoga To Enter Market Also

Meteorologists, insurance executives, military officials, and first responders around the world are frantically purchasing Sharpies pens by the crate. Apparently, the arms race for Sharpies has been triggered by President Trump, when he used one to...

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Funny story: 9/11 Commission to examine new evidence on what brought down the twin towers

9/11 Commission to examine new evidence on what brought down the twin towers

Following a major four-year study by the University of Alaska, the Lawyer’s Committee for 9/11 Inquiry has submitted a petition to the federal government. The purpose: present new evidence to a grand jury on destruction of the twin towers. US A...

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Funny story: Trump Has Deployed Troops To Hotels and Golf Courses All Over the World in Latest Emergency

Trump Has Deployed Troops To Hotels and Golf Courses All Over the World in Latest Emergency

Mir-A-Lago, FL President Trump announced in a tweet early Thursday morning that he would be deploying troops to various spots around the world due to a top-secret emergency. Some of the locations include Mumbai, India, Rio de Janeiro in Brazil, M...

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Funny story: Boris butchered and ate Number 10 cat says Downing Street insider

Boris butchered and ate Number 10 cat says Downing Street insider

A senior civil servant and government advisor at the Cabinet Office last night told newsmen that, Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has killed the popular Downing Street cat, Larry, and eaten the creature in his bedroom during a 'midnight feast'. Sir...

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Funny story: Survey: British women consume three times their own bodyweight during an all-inclusive holiday

Survey: British women consume three times their own bodyweight during an all-inclusive holiday

A recent study by Cambridge University has revealed, that during the course of a 14-night, all-inclusive holiday break, the average British woman will eat up to 3 times her own bodyweight in the hotel dining area. The 5-year study, conducted in a...

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Funny story: Marouane Fellaini sues Axel Witsel for copying afro haircut

Marouane Fellaini sues Axel Witsel for copying afro haircut

Yesterday, former Manchester United player Marouane Fellaini successfully sued Dortmund midfielder Axel Witsel for copying his renowned Afro haircut. When interviewed, Fellaini said, "I feel that Axel's haircut has personally attacked me. To me,...

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Funny story: New Position Offers Unique Combination of Boredom and Stress

New Position Offers Unique Combination of Boredom and Stress

While many working Americans complain that their jobs are boring or stressful, a newly-posted position on job networking site Indud.web offers a unique combination of both boredom and stress. "It's a rare opportunity for people to really push them...

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Funny story: Frog Squashed After Shoe Came Down Heavily On It

Frog Squashed After Shoe Came Down Heavily On It

A man who was walking along without a care in the world, minding his own business, has revealed how he caused the death of a frog by standing on it. The man, who wishes to remain anonymous because of his fear of reprisals from Animal Rights enthus...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Finds Asking About People's Babies Highly Effective Way of Procrastinating at Work

Nashville Man Finds Asking About People's Babies Highly Effective Way of Procrastinating at Work

Curtis Johnson, a 27-year-old professional who prides himself on working smart but definitely not hard, stumbled upon a highly effective means of procrastinating at work when, a little while before a big department meeting at which Curtis was expecte...

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Funny story: Customer Finds Just What She's Looking For To Get Rid Of Grandad's Spunk Stain

Customer Finds Just What She's Looking For To Get Rid Of Grandad's Spunk Stain

A Weston-super-Mare woman searching for a particular kind of cleaning product for her bathroom was surprised and overjoyed to discover it lurking on the shelves in a local store, this morning. Sally Butterfield had had her grandparents over to sta...

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Funny story: Meghan Markle Back At Graft

Meghan Markle Back At Graft

Meghan Markle has finally returned to work, once more, after her period of maternity, having given birth to royal baby, Archie, in May. The Duchess of Sussex, looking stunning in clothes paid for by the taxpayer, posed for photos outside Buckingha...

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Funny story: Women Being Treated Like Objects, Rather Than People, Claims Man

Women Being Treated Like Objects, Rather Than People, Claims Man

A man who knows about this kind of stuff, has said that the way modern women are treated is "just terrible", and they are often referred to using words that make them sound like objects, rather than sentient living beings. Moys Kenwood, 56, knows...

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Funny story: Pope Stuck in Elevator--Now Understands Purgatory

Pope Stuck in Elevator--Now Understands Purgatory

At an impromptu news conference, Vatican Spokesperson Alessandro Gisotti explained to an overflow crowd of reporters that Pope Francis was late to celebrate Sunday mass due to an elevator malfunction. Gisotti went to great length to say the Pope was...

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Funny story: Woman whose knickers fell down at supermarket checkout knows she can never return

Woman whose knickers fell down at supermarket checkout knows she can never return

A 30-year-old woman from Whitechapel in East London has told a local newspaper that she can never go back to her local Lidl supermarket in Docklands Road, after an incident earlier this week when the elastic in her knickers snapped, resulting in them...

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Funny story: Couple watching complete box set of Poldark, again

Couple watching complete box set of Poldark, again

Brian Asshat and his good friend (and paid housekeeper) Felicity Dowager from Chutney on the Fritz have started to watch all five series of Poldark, again. Felicity said 'I watch it for Captain Ross, his hairy chest, his way with a scythe, his way...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Finds Steely Resolve at Junkyard

Nashville Man Finds Steely Resolve at Junkyard

Finding that his personal discipline had grown a bit rusty, Randall Freeman of Nashville, Tennessee, popped down to the local junkyard, where he managed to negotiate a great deal on some discarded but fully workable steely resolve. “It’s actually...

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Funny story: Nigel Farage believes the Earth is flat

Nigel Farage believes the Earth is flat

Having wallowed in the gutter end of UK politics for three decades, Nigel Farage has always been an extreme character. Now he has embraced his lunacy in full, and has publicly admitted to being a Flat Earth believer. "It's obvious," said the torto...

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