There were 287 spoof news stories published in September 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Funny story: Harry Maguire Under Investigation After Making Phone Call To Jamie Vardy

Harry Maguire Under Investigation After Making Phone Call To Jamie Vardy

Manchester United and England centre-half, Harry Maguire, is in hot water this evening, after he was discovered making a telephone call to his former teammate at Leicester City, Jamie Vardy. Maguire and Vardy were best friends at Filbert Street, w...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire: Arsenal Might Be Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Last Match In Charge

Harry Maguire: Arsenal Might Be Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Last Match In Charge

The Premier League season is only six matches old, yet we already find ourselves speculating on who the first managerial casualty will be, and, with Manchester United hosting Arsenal on Monday night at Old Trafford, is it possible that Ole Gunnar Sol...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Wins National Lottery

Harry Maguire Wins National Lottery

In a story almost too unbelievable to be believed, the Manchester United and England centre-half, Harry Maguire's namesake, Mr. H Maguire of Manchester, has won the National Lottery jackpot this weekend. Mr. Maguire, whose first name - coincidenta...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Signing Was "The Last Straw", Says Alexis Sanchez

Harry Maguire Signing Was "The Last Straw", Says Alexis Sanchez

Alexis Sanchez, the Manchester United striker, who has signed a season-long loan deal with Italian giants, Inter Milan, has said his decision to leave Old Trafford was finally taken when manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer bought Harry Maguire for £80millio...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Suspended Indefinitely For Playing With Inflated Balls

Harry Maguire Suspended Indefinitely For Playing With Inflated Balls

BILLINGSGATE POST: Harry Maguire, the most expensive defender in world football, has been suspended after Manchester United fought to a 1-1 draw with lightly regarded Southampton yesterday. After challenging his team to improve their performance...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Diagnosed With Terminal Katsaridaphobia: Future Uncertain

Harry Maguire Diagnosed With Terminal Katsaridaphobia: Future Uncertain

BILLINGSGATE POST: Harry Maguire has never vowed to play again at Old Trafford until the cockroaches infesting the locker rooms have been equipped with safety helmets. As reported yesterday by crack reporter Monkey Woods, the Manchester United defen...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire performs famous Dragonball move during training, injuring three teammates

Harry Maguire performs famous Dragonball move during training, injuring three teammates

Yesterday during a training session at Old Trafford, star Man Utd defender performed the famous 'Kamehameha' in a mock attempt to stop Daniel James' shot. Unbeknownst to tbe defender, a real beam of light actually shot out and hit three other play...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire: It Would Be Nice To End My Career Winning Trophies At City

Harry Maguire: It Would Be Nice To End My Career Winning Trophies At City

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, has dropped a veritable bombshell in the lap of Reds' boss, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, by saying that, although he is currently enjoying life at Old Trafford, he would like to end his career winning t...

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Funny story: Jurgen Klopp Set For Liverpool Exit?

Jurgen Klopp Set For Liverpool Exit?

Liverpool manager, Jurgen Klopp, has aroused speculation amongst fans that he harbours a secret desire to become a ventriloquist, and has had a mouthful of new teeth fitted to help him to achieve his goal. Klopp was being interviewed by the BBC's...

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Funny story: H&M To Consider Namechange After Confusion With Famous Footballer

H&M To Consider Namechange After Confusion With Famous Footballer

The fashion clothing retailer, H&M, are said to be considering a namechange for their brand, after it was revealed that many of their customers are under the impression that the company is run by the Manchester United and England central defender...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Is Going To Teach Those Cockney Bastards, West Ham, A Lesson

Harry Maguire Is Going To Teach Those Cockney Bastards, West Ham, A Lesson

As Manchester United get ready for their important Premier League clash with West Ham United at Upton Park tomorrow (kick-off 2:00pm), centre-half Harry Maguire has spoken to reporters ahead of the game, warning the Hammers that, if they trifle with...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire And Mason Greenwood Have Become Great Friends

Harry Maguire And Mason Greenwood Have Become Great Friends

It's always nice when someone more experienced takes a younger person 'under his wing', and 'shows him the ropes', and that is precisely what has happened at Manchester United, with central defender, Harry Maguire, looking out for teenage striker, Ma...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire England Captain For Bulgaria Game

Harry Maguire England Captain For Bulgaria Game

Harry Maguire has been named as England captain for the European Championship qualifier against Bulgaria at Wembley on Saturday (17:00 BST). Maguire, 26, will lead the national team out for the first time, as they bid to continue their great start...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire In Tears After Insults From Leicester City Fans

Harry Maguire In Tears After Insults From Leicester City Fans

He may be a rock at the heart of the Manchester United defensive unit, but centre-half, Harry Maguire, is also human, and the player has, today, touchingly told of how he wept openly after fans of his former club, Leicester City, hurled insults at hi...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Sustains Wrist Injury

Harry Maguire Sustains Wrist Injury

Just when England needed him to stay fit, Manchester United centre-half, Harry Maguire, has reported he has sprained his wrist 'at home'. He didn't elaborate any further. Maguire, 26, has hardly been out of the news since his £80million summer...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire A Marked Man

Harry Maguire A Marked Man

Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, has revealed the pressure he is under to perform at the highest level, and that petty jealousies - particularly about his salary - have aroused anger in other players, and made him a mark...

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Funny story: Theresa May in new opera: “Schadenfreude in the Afternoon”

Theresa May in new opera: “Schadenfreude in the Afternoon”

Ms. May is reported heavily engaged in rehearsals for the new opera, due to open in London October 31. At the same time, a melange of parliamentarians is re-thinking Mr. Johnson’s call for a new election. They suggest voters be offered the fol...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Commemorative Stamp To Be Issued By Royal Mail

Harry Maguire Commemorative Stamp To Be Issued By Royal Mail

Royal Mail have announced that, due to the extraordinary public interest in the Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, they are to issue a special commemorative stamp featuring the player, with a postage rate value of 80p.

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Funny story: Manchester United Back To Their Brilliant Best After Rochdale Win

Manchester United Back To Their Brilliant Best After Rochdale Win

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Manchester United showed why they are the most famous club in football, as they outgrafted, outshone, and outsmarted League One minnows, Rochdale Hornets, in last night's Carabao Cup tie at Old Trafford, easily winning 5-3 on p...

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Funny story: Mason Greenwood: Is He The New Harry Maguire?

Mason Greenwood: Is He The New Harry Maguire?

They're two entirely different players playing in different positions, from different backgrounds and with different ages, builds and skin colours, and, in many ways, couldn't be more different, so it's a surprise to many people that Mason Greenwood...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire In 'Hit And Run' Incident

Harry Maguire In 'Hit And Run' Incident

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United and England central defender who crashed into Old Trafford after an £80million summer transfer from Leicester City, has been involved in a 'hit and run' incident. Maguire, 26, was playing in his usual centre-ha...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Female Fans Plan To Sling Their Knickers Onto Old Trafford Pitch

Harry Maguire Female Fans Plan To Sling Their Knickers Onto Old Trafford Pitch

Manchester United's Harry Maguire has caused a panic after announcing that he would play Saturday's match against his former club, Leicester City, at Old Trafford, wearing with no underpants. His words prompted members of his female fanclub to res...

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Funny story: Mason Greenwood To Be Wrapped In Cotton Wool

Mason Greenwood To Be Wrapped In Cotton Wool

Mason Greenwood, the 17-year-old Manchester United striker, is to be wrapped in cotton wool, in order that the precocious talent might avoid getting injured. Greenwood showed extreme maturity, last night, in scoring United's only goal in their 1-0...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Bat At Number 11, If Needed

Harry Maguire To Bat At Number 11, If Needed

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender who cost the Red Devils £80million when he made a summer switch from Leicester City, has said he will switch sports completely this afternoon, and bat as last man for the England cricket team, in...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To 'Go Commando' Against Leicester On Saturday

Harry Maguire To 'Go Commando' Against Leicester On Saturday

Manchester United's £80million pin-up boy defender, Harry Maguire, is ready to set the Premier League alight, after vowing last night that he will 'go commando' for Saturday's match against his former club, Leicester City at Old Trafford. Women ev...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire With His Champions League Round-up

Harry Maguire With His Champions League Round-up

Manchester United and England central defender Harry Maguire drops in to help out with the details of the Champions League matches on a busy night in Europe. It was a busy night of European football last night, with many of the top teams involved...

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Funny story: Man Fell Off Bus

Man Fell Off Bus

News is just reaching us about an incident in the Thai capital of Bangkok, where a man alighting from an air-conditioned public transport bus came a cropper, and not so much 'got off' it, as 'fell off it'. The man, who may never be identified, was...

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Funny story: The FDA orders vape juice to taste like fecal matter in light of youth vaping crisis

The FDA orders vape juice to taste like fecal matter in light of youth vaping crisis

To stem the tide of youth smokers and those using vaping products such as Juul devices, the FDA will be adding numerous new regulations for cigarettes and vaping products. In addition to banning menthol cigarettes to help reduce the number of youth a...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Participate In General Election

Harry Maguire To Participate In General Election

Harry Maguire, the 26-year-old Manchester United centre-half, who became the costliest defender in the world when he signed for the Old Trafford club from Leicester City, has announced he will stand as an independent candidate against Boris Johnson i...

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Funny story: Sean Dyche Praises Summer Signing Sack of Gravel Ahead of Villa Clash

Sean Dyche Praises Summer Signing Sack of Gravel Ahead of Villa Clash

Burnley Football Club broke its transfer record by signing a sack of gravel from Dinamo Zagreb to bolster its midfield in the summer, and the inanimate building material is likely to make its first appearance in the Premier League against Aston Villa...

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Funny story: Local Administrator Touts School Security: “Tanks, RPGs, and Nuclear-tipped Submarines Don’t have a Chance Against Our Elementary Schools”

Local Administrator Touts School Security: “Tanks, RPGs, and Nuclear-tipped Submarines Don’t have a Chance Against Our Elementary Schools”

Parents can sleep easy tonight. Local administrator Mike Curswads reassured government officials, reporters, and anyone who had a day off, that all students will get through the school year unscathed by small arms fire or explosive devices. He cou...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Be Britain's Next Prime Minister?

Harry Maguire To Be Britain's Next Prime Minister?

When Boris Johnson lied to the Queen about the prorogation of Parliament last week, and was then 'found out', it was the death knell for the egotistical, shock-headed prime minister who, if he'll lie to Her Majesty, cannot surely be trusted to tell...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Speaks Out About 9/11

Harry Maguire Speaks Out About 9/11

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, has spoken out on what he says was one of the most memorable days of his life - September 11, 2001, the day of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks. Sheffield-born Maguire, now 26, was onl...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire: One On One Interview With Mumbles

Harry Maguire: One On One Interview With Mumbles

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a nearly incoherent interview with Harry Maguire after Manchester United defeated Leicester City 1-0 Saturday, crack reporter Mumbles digs deep into the psyche of the Manchester defenseman. Mumbles: “Umm - Umm...Ri afder yrr...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Appear In Final Star Wars Movie

Harry Maguire To Appear In Final Star Wars Movie

The light-speed emergence into the world of entertainment of Manchester United central defender, Harry Maguire, has not gone unnoticed in Hollywood, and earlier today, it was revealed by Lucasfilm and Bad Robot Productions that the footballer is to m...

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Funny story: Trump Promises to Be the Eye of Present and Future Hurricanes

Trump Promises to Be the Eye of Present and Future Hurricanes

Pledging to help Americans and even Puerto Ricans remain calm in the face of the severe storms that are more and more frequently battering the United States for no particular reason, President Donald Trump promised to be the "eye" of present and futu...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Lead 'Storm Area 51' Charge

Harry Maguire To Lead 'Storm Area 51' Charge

As the tension in Nevada increases in the build-up to this coming weekend's extraterrestrial events at Area 51, the Manchester United and England centre-half, Harry Maguire, has thrown his hat into the ring, and says that he, himself, will travel to...

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Funny story: Mané to quit soccer for golf

Mané to quit soccer for golf

This is Reporter 87, bringing you news from the football grounds. Today, I'm at Anfield. Yesterday, reports were made that Sadio Mané, professional footballer for Liverpool FC was involved in a slight conflict with fellow striker Mo Salah because...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Join Maharishi Mahesh Yogi To Save World From Monkey Woods

Harry Maguire To Join Maharishi Mahesh Yogi To Save World From Monkey Woods

BILLINGSGATE POST: Intrigued by the techniques of Transcendental Meditation, Harry Maguire visited the Maharishi’s training camp in Rishikesh, India during a break in competition after Manchester United was ignominiously tied 1-1 by second tier Sout...

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Funny story: DNC worried about upcoming debate question: “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

DNC worried about upcoming debate question: “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”

According to insider sources, the Democratic National Convention’s favorite candidate at this time is Joe Biden, as the most suitable replacement for Hillary Clinton. However, due to what happened in 2016, the DNC is nervous. Despite the DNC's...

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Funny story: The Magpie Murder

The Magpie Murder

A notorious magpie in Sydney has been shot dead today, prompting many to agree that “the Aussies don’t take shit”. The magpie, which wasn’t given a name because people just knew they were going to have to kill the bastard, was known to attack passers...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Announces Wedding Plans

Harry Maguire Announces Wedding Plans

There's love, romance, matrimony and feverish expectancy in the air throughout the South Yorkshire region tonight, as the Manchester United and England £80million central defender, Harry Maguire, took some time out from football to announce the weddi...

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Funny story: Ole Gunnar Solskjaer To Undergo Surgery On His Furrowed Brow

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer To Undergo Surgery On His Furrowed Brow

News coming out of Old Trafford this morning, is that Manchester United coach, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, is to go into hospital later this week for surgery on his furrowed brow, which, at times, looks as if he is keeping snakes in his forehead. Solskj...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire To Have Beans On Toast For Tea On Wednesday Night

Harry Maguire To Have Beans On Toast For Tea On Wednesday Night

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender that people just can't stop talking about, is scheduled to have beans on toast for his tea on Wednesday evening, if the word of his girlfriend, Fern Hawkins, is anything to go by. Maguire, 26,...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Squashes Cockroach

Harry Maguire Squashes Cockroach

In a show of brilliance that made a mockery of descriptions of him as a lumbering carthorse with little or no turn of pace, Manchester United and England central defender Harry Maguire moved like a bullet out a gun earlier today, when he trod on a co...

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Funny story: Robert Mugabe Cancer Verdict Sparks Wild Celebrations In Zimbabwe

Robert Mugabe Cancer Verdict Sparks Wild Celebrations In Zimbabwe

Results of an autopsy performed after the death of Robert Mugabe, the Zimbabwe prime minister, then president, who had ruled over the country with an iron fist since 1980, proved the dictator was riddled with cancer, sparking wild celebrations throug...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Has A Day Off

Harry Maguire Has A Day Off

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender who cost the club £80million in a summer transfer from Leicester City, has been taking it easy at home, having a day off before facing his former Foxes teammates at Old Trafford in the Premier Lea...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire: Why Tulza Tuzon, Aka HAF-AND-HAF, Hates Him

Harry Maguire: Why Tulza Tuzon, Aka HAF-AND-HAF, Hates Him

BILLINGSGATE POST: Tulza Tuzon, a.k.a. Haf-and-Haf, is still pissed that Harry Maguire left Leicester for Man Utd in the summer transfer window. It didn’t help that when he faced his old club for the first time since the move, Maguire’s new team eke...

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Funny story: “Homelessness is Horrible” Say Trump and GOP Donors at $50,000/Plate Dinner in Beverly Hills

“Homelessness is Horrible” Say Trump and GOP Donors at $50,000/Plate Dinner in Beverly Hills

Washington - President Donald Trump flew on Air Force One yesterday, to Los Angeles for a fundraising dinner in Beverly Hills. Speaking to his audience of wealthy donors, he chided local authorities for allowing the homeless population to increase d...

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Funny story: Man Was Captivated By Air Hostess During Airline Onboard Safety Check

Man Was Captivated By Air Hostess During Airline Onboard Safety Check

A male passenger on an airline flight from Helsinki to Bangkok at the weekend has revealed how he was "mesmerised" by one of the flight's stewardesses during the airline safety check procedure at the commencement of his journey. The passenger, 56,...

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Funny story: Trump Suggests Downgrading Hurricanes To Prevent Them Becoming Bigger

Trump Suggests Downgrading Hurricanes To Prevent Them Becoming Bigger

Donald Trump apparently forgot that two hurricanes that have been 'on his watch' reached Category 5, when he said, "I've heard of Category 4; I didn't realize that Category 5 was a thing!" "No, I don't see why we are allowing hurricanes to reach C...

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Funny story: Queen Demands The Head Of Boris Johnson

Queen Demands The Head Of Boris Johnson

There was controversy-upon-controversy in Westminster this morning, when, after the UK Supreme Court ruled that Prime Minister Boris Johnson had acted unlawfully when he asked Her Majesty the Queen, on August 28, to suspend Parliament, the Queen, Her...

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Funny story: Manchester United Boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Discovered To Be A Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 Terminator

Manchester United Boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Discovered To Be A Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 Terminator

Emergency talks are still in progress at Old Trafford this afternoon, after it was discovered that Manchester United boss and former player, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, is not, in fact, human, but a cybernetic organism consisting of living tissue over a ro...

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Funny story: Duck Theft Causes Animosity

Duck Theft Causes Animosity

The theft of a duck during the early hours of Friday morning has had a profound effect on one local community, setting tongues wagging amid suspicions as to who the culprits might eventually turn out to be. The audacious nature of the crime, thou...

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Funny story: GreenPeace decries Barnacling Support

GreenPeace decries Barnacling Support

Greenpeace officials are mourning the loss of several ardent but exhausted environmentalists today, whose efforts to protect a ship at sea engaged in protective manoeuvres met with tragedy, after pirates boarded them. "We think they were....s...

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Funny story: Boris Johnson Admits That He Is A Right Cunt

Boris Johnson Admits That He Is A Right Cunt

In an extraordinary impromptu press conference held outside 10 Downing Street just minutes ago, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said that he doesn't want a snap General Election, Britain will leave the EU on 31 October, and that, without any shadow...

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Funny story: Tea Leaves Spoilt Man's Bedtime Cuppa

Tea Leaves Spoilt Man's Bedtime Cuppa

A drink before bedtime is often just the thing to help us settle down for a good night's sleep, but one man was left ruing his decision to have a cup of tea last night, when he nearly choked on a throatful of tea leaves that had escaped their tea bag...

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Funny story: President Trump Sings Softly, Tenderly To Vladimir Putin - "He's my widdow Wushian Pootie Poo! Yes he is! Yes he iiiiiiiiiiis!"

President Trump Sings Softly, Tenderly To Vladimir Putin - "He's my widdow Wushian Pootie Poo! Yes he is! Yes he iiiiiiiiiiis!"

Washington DC - President Trump sang It's A Small World After All while rocking a sleeping Vladimir Putin in his lap, a practice that his staff says has become too frequent and too troubling. "My staff, and even America, will never understand," sa...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Implicated In Huge Betting Scandal

Harry Maguire Implicated In Huge Betting Scandal

Police are looking into a huge betting scandal in the wake of the England football team's 5-3 victory over Kosovo in Southampton last night, with central defender Harry Maguire being the focus of their investigation. Maguire, it was, who dithered...

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Funny story: Donald Trump Inivtes Harry Maguire To Assist With Taliban Talks At Camp David

Donald Trump Inivtes Harry Maguire To Assist With Taliban Talks At Camp David

In a Sunday morning twitter storm, President Donald J Trump announced that he has asked leaders of the Taliban, Afghan government and Harry Maguire of the United Kingdom to join him at Camp David. Nobody in the White House could immediately explai...

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Funny story: The Pouch Play: Manchester United Stretches The Rules

The Pouch Play: Manchester United Stretches The Rules

BILLINGSGATE POST: Did Manchester United stretch the rules when they signed the Pouch just days after the transfer of Harry Maguire in a transaction that rocked the Premier League last month? Just who is the Pouch? And why was he signed by Manch...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire is unlockable as new character in Minecraft Earth

Harry Maguire is unlockable as new character in Minecraft Earth

Mojang has recently announced the launch of its new game, Minecraft Earth. The game provides a new light on the Minecraft gaming world, and recently, Mojang has also become the newest sponsor of Manchester United. Because of this, Mojang have als...

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Funny story: Sis-Boom-Bah: What Does A Sheep Sound Like When It Explodes?

Sis-Boom-Bah: What Does A Sheep Sound Like When It Explodes?

BILLINGSGATE POST: It’s noteworthy that Dr. Billingsgate is deviating from his successful Harry Maguire formula that has brought him fame and fortune. However, exploding sheep may have a greater cult following in England than the overpaid Manchester...

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Funny story: Embroids to solve world’s problems

Embroids to solve world’s problems

Hellsinky - Corporations are lining up to purchase cheap embroids, according to Consumer Died magazine. Joe Sixpack is even ordering them. An embroid is a stem cell tricked into becoming a zombie phantom embryo; a teeny tiny little baby. This...

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Funny story: Man's Friend Rang Him Up To Talk About Brexit

Man's Friend Rang Him Up To Talk About Brexit

A man who is "fed up to the back teeth" of Brexit, has told of how a friend telephoned him the other night, with the specific intention of having a good old chinwag about nothing more excrutiatingly-boring than Britain's exit from the European Union.

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Funny story: Felixweather “Fly Face” Limpp, Jr. To Join Leicester City After Manchester Defeat

Felixweather “Fly Face” Limpp, Jr. To Join Leicester City After Manchester Defeat

BILLINGSGATE POST: Devastated after being defeated by the bullies from Manchester United today, Leicester City Manager Brendan Rodgers announced that they purchased the contract of LA Galaxy Defenseman, Felixweather “Fly Face” Limpp, Jr. Just wh...

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Funny story: Tropical Storm Humberto - A Danger To Young Girls

Tropical Storm Humberto - A Danger To Young Girls

Tropical Storm Humberto has gained strength overnight, and is likely to be reclassified as a hurricane this morning, according to a tweet posted just minutes ago by President Donald Trump. Mr Trump also stated that Hurricane Humberto would be a da...

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Funny story: Drag Queen Wins Miss England Pageant: Measures 36-24-36-9

Drag Queen Wins Miss England Pageant: Measures 36-24-36-9

BILLINGSGATE POST: Wilma, née Woody Wentworth of Westminster won the Miss England Pageant held in Worstershire this weekend. According to public records, Wilma changed her name to Woody after undergoing a sex change operation a year ago. Woody p...

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Funny story: Frog Squashed After Shoe Came Down Heavily On It

Frog Squashed After Shoe Came Down Heavily On It

A man who was walking along without a care in the world, minding his own business, has revealed how he caused the death of a frog by standing on it. The man, who wishes to remain anonymous because of his fear of reprisals from Animal Rights enthus...

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Funny story: Trump locked and loaded for possible meeting with Rouhani next week in New York

Trump locked and loaded for possible meeting with Rouhani next week in New York

Today Mr. Trump asserted he is not looking for a meeting with Iran’s Rouhani next week at the UN General Assembly. Mr. Rouhani, meanwhile, on Monday said he would not meet with Trump in New York. Nevertheless, Mr. Trump plans to be carrying, wi...

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Funny story: Customer Finds Just What She's Looking For To Get Rid Of Grandad's Spunk Stain

Customer Finds Just What She's Looking For To Get Rid Of Grandad's Spunk Stain

A Weston-super-Mare woman searching for a particular kind of cleaning product for her bathroom was surprised and overjoyed to discover it lurking on the shelves in a local store, this morning. Sally Butterfield had had her grandparents over to sta...

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Funny story: Greta Thunberg Is Falling Behind At School

Greta Thunberg Is Falling Behind At School

Greta Thunberg, the 16-year-old Swedish environmental activist on climate change, who consistently takes time off from school to carry on her work, has been told by her school that she is falling behind others in her class, and needs to address the s...

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Funny story: Women Being Treated Like Objects, Rather Than People, Claims Man

Women Being Treated Like Objects, Rather Than People, Claims Man

A man who knows about this kind of stuff, has said that the way modern women are treated is "just terrible", and they are often referred to using words that make them sound like objects, rather than sentient living beings. Moys Kenwood, 56, knows...

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Funny story: Couple watching complete box set of Poldark, again

Couple watching complete box set of Poldark, again

Brian Asshat and his good friend (and paid housekeeper) Felicity Dowager from Chutney on the Fritz have started to watch all five series of Poldark, again. Felicity said 'I watch it for Captain Ross, his hairy chest, his way with a scythe, his way...

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Funny story: Man Delayed Going To Work Hoping For Some Catastrophic Natural Disaster

Man Delayed Going To Work Hoping For Some Catastrophic Natural Disaster

A man who hates going to work has told how he delayed going in this morning in the hope that some natural catastrophe such as an earthquake, hurricane, typhoon, monsoon, Biblical flood, volcanic eruption, or fireball from space might save him the bot...

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Funny story: Local Man Informed Reality Show "Amazing Race" Not About How "Amazing" White People Are - Demands Networks Be More Literal

Local Man Informed Reality Show "Amazing Race" Not About How "Amazing" White People Are - Demands Networks Be More Literal

Wahoo, Nebraska - A local man here was surprised when infomed that the reality show "Amazing Race" had nothing to do with how great white people are, and is lobbying to force networks to be less deceitful and name their shows according to their true...

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Funny story: Fireman Sam Fired for being too Welsh Say BBC

Fireman Sam Fired for being too Welsh Say BBC

The well known and loved children's program "Fireman Sam" has been cancelled by the BBC on the grounds that nobody outside the M25 understands it. "He never drinks a soya latte, and doesn't know what quinoia is," claimed a lesbian from the BBC.

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Funny story: Donald Trump Joins Revellers At 'Storm Area 51' Gig

Donald Trump Joins Revellers At 'Storm Area 51' Gig

President Donald Trump was amongst the early arrivals for the 'Storm Area 51' event this morning, and was said to be in a state of "euphoric anticipation", and looking forward to dealing with some aliens. The president awoke early, and almost forg...

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Funny story: Trump Passes Executive Order Banning Whistleblowing

Trump Passes Executive Order Banning Whistleblowing

Mar-A-Lago, FL President Donald Trump has given a press conference in the KFC parking lot during which he discussed his most recent executive order banning whistleblowing. "This whistleblowing, it's nasty stuff. We need to let people know they can...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Named In Yak Palimony Suit

Harry Maguire Named In Yak Palimony Suit

BILLINGSGATE POST: Details are irrelevant. But it seems that ever since he was suspended from Manchester United for playing with his under-Inflated balls, things have gone down hill for the beleaguered Maguire. The domestic yak (Bos grunniens) i...

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Funny story: Comic Book Characters Too Macho for Disney

Comic Book Characters Too Macho for Disney

If, like me, you grew up in the 1960s or 1970s, you will be familiar with comics. Lying on your tummy and reading about superheroes was a weekly event. Sadly hollywood is going woke and ruining even American favourites. Here's a few of my heroes who...

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Funny story: Donald Trump Buys Greenland So That He Can Be King Of Something.

Donald Trump Buys Greenland So That He Can Be King Of Something.

President Extraordinaire, Donald Trump, has bought the entire island of Greenland from the Danish government. At first, the Danes were not happy at parting with a vast piece of property roughly 50 times the size of their own native homeland of Denm...

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Funny story: Nigel Farage believes the Earth is flat

Nigel Farage believes the Earth is flat

Having wallowed in the gutter end of UK politics for three decades, Nigel Farage has always been an extreme character. Now he has embraced his lunacy in full, and has publicly admitted to being a Flat Earth believer. "It's obvious," said the torto...

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Funny story: U.S. Border Policy Rebranded as Trumpcare

U.S. Border Policy Rebranded as Trumpcare

Not to be outdone by former president Barack Obama's signature healthcare plan commonly known as Obamacare, United States president Donald Trump has rebranded his self-initiated border policy of imposing criminal penalties for unauthorized border cro...

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Funny story: Meghan Markle Back At Graft

Meghan Markle Back At Graft

Meghan Markle has finally returned to work, once more, after her period of maternity, having given birth to royal baby, Archie, in May. The Duchess of Sussex, looking stunning in clothes paid for by the taxpayer, posed for photos outside Buckingha...

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Funny story: While Giving Tour of White House, Melania Trump Realizes She Hasn't Seen Son Barron for Three Months

While Giving Tour of White House, Melania Trump Realizes She Hasn't Seen Son Barron for Three Months

Washington, DC "I have just been so busy giving tours, standing by my husband and looking serene, shopping for tasteful outfits, and so much more!" said Melania to reporters on the tour. "I remember seeing Barron back in June, and remarking about...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire’s Balls Fail Test: Heads To Fall In New “Deflategate”

Harry Maguire’s Balls Fail Test: Heads To Fall In New “Deflategate”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Managing Director of the Premier League, Richard Masters, announced today that Harry Maguire’s balls were tested by ACME Ball Evaluators, a subsidiary of the ACME Corporation. The results, Masters revealed, showed evidence of pre...

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Funny story: Trump Suspends the Laws of Science

Trump Suspends the Laws of Science

Mar-A-Lago, FL Declaring martial law on scientists, President Donald Trump suspended all the rules of Science and forbade anyone to use or follow them until the ban is lifted. Trump would only say that it was a matter of national security. "It se...

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Funny story: Man Went Round To Friend's House, Only To Be Told He Didn't Live There

Man Went Round To Friend's House, Only To Be Told He Didn't Live There

A man who decided to pay an impromptu visit to a work friend he hadn't seen for years, was disappointed to be told that the 'friend' didn't live there, according to the bloke that did. After doing the rounds of charity shops in the East Yorkshire...

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Funny story: Trump is Secretly Glad That He Might Get Impeached

Trump is Secretly Glad That He Might Get Impeached

In an exclusive interview with Celebrity Magazine, President Donald Trump explained how hard it is sometimes to keep his name the top name in the news every single day. "Well, it's been hard to keep generating publicity, but I've been doing it. Th...

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Funny story: Humberto Headed to Alabama Says Donald Trump!

Humberto Headed to Alabama Says Donald Trump!

Donald Trump, sharpie in hand, made some bold predictions today about Tropical Storm Humberto. Shouldered by two new "official" White House meteorologists, Trump placed a map on a tripod and began drawing with his sharpie. He created several rings fr...

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Funny story: Trump Apologizes for Never Dressing in Blackface

Trump Apologizes for Never Dressing in Blackface

"What can I say? We all make mistakes," said United States President Donald Trump, apologizing to neoconservative supporters for the fact that, unlike many prominent politicians, he never dressed in racist blackface in his teens, college years, or be...

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Funny story: All Whistleblower Songs Are Now Banned

All Whistleblower Songs Are Now Banned

Mar-A-Lago, FL "Because of all the controversy over whistle blowing and whistling, etc., I believe the nation is getting too riled-up on all this whistling business. So, for the good of the nation, I am passing an executive order banning all songs ha...

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Funny story: Government reveals advice on Brexit

Government reveals advice on Brexit

The UK government has released recommendations on how British people and businesses can cope in the event of a no-deal Brexit. The documents, which were created at a cost of tens of millions of pounds, will be advertised on TV and social media. You c...

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Funny story: William H. Macy reportedly not waiting for wife Felicity Huffman

William H. Macy reportedly not waiting for wife Felicity Huffman

Upon hearing the news that his wife, Felicity Huffman had been sentenced to 14 days in prison, actor William H. Macy, through a spokesperson, announced plans to leave the marriage. “While Mr. Macy is deeply saddened by the news of his wife’s sever...

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Funny story: Justin Trudeau Fly Face Scandal Rocks Canada

Justin Trudeau Fly Face Scandal Rocks Canada

BILLINGSGATE POST: Fly Face minstrelsy is an indigenous Canadian theatrical form intended as comic entertainment. Developed in the early 20th century, each show consisted of comic skits, dancing and musical performances that depicted people specific...

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Funny story: Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau Dons Blackface, Late Father Growls "Fuddle-Dummy!"

Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau Dons Blackface, Late Father Growls "Fuddle-Dummy!"

A week into the latest Canadian federal election, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has been outed by a photo showing him dressed as Aladdin, but his face and hands painted in blackface. Ignoring the fact that Aladdin isn't even a black man, or the...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire: Did “The Mole” Purloin Leicester City’s Playbook?

Harry Maguire: Did “The Mole” Purloin Leicester City’s Playbook?

BILLINGSGATE POST: A distraught Jamie Vardy admitted that he was disappointed in his team’s effort in Leicester City’s 0-1 loss to Manchester United this Saturday. He suggested that there may have been foul play involved. “They knew our scheme be...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Decides "Nuance" His Favorite Word

Nashville Man Decides "Nuance" His Favorite Word

Accused in his youth of possessing all of the tact of a bull in a china shop, now-polished Nashville native Kenneth Skye has adopted nuance as a way of life - and as his favorite word. "It's classy and sort of French-sounding without all the hype,...

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Funny story: Trump Ex-Wife Reveals All His Secrets--Including His Biggest Hero!

Trump Ex-Wife Reveals All His Secrets--Including His Biggest Hero!

New York, NY In an exclusive interview (which cost this publication a pretty penny), Marla Maples, ex-wife of President Trump, revealed many unrevealed tidbits about Trump. It is thought that Ms. Maples is revealing all this in retaliation for Trump...

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Funny story: Unshaven Nectarine Fears Being Impeached

Unshaven Nectarine Fears Being Impeached

A self-described low-hanging fruit who prefers the natural look, a nectarine named Nick allowed a bit of fuzz to appear on his normally smooth skin, and says that he now fears being impeached. "Nothing against peaches, of course, but that would ju...

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