Upper-Middle-Class White Woman Ashamed to Have Issue as Unoriginal as an Eating Disorder

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 26 August 2019

image for Upper-Middle-Class White Woman Ashamed to Have Issue as Unoriginal as an Eating Disorder
Amanda Cantrell feels immense shame at confirming a number of privileged-white-woman stereotypes with her eating disorder.

After years of late-night bingeing on massive quantities of junk food followed by periods of extreme restriction, Amanda Cantrell of New York City finally came clean to her therapist that she hadn't managed to come up with an issue more original than an eating disorder.

"I'm so ashamed," said Cantrell, of completely fitting the stereotype of being an educated, white, upper-middle-class woman whose life had been so privileged, that her only psychological issues were ones of her own self-creation. "It's so classist, and mainstream, to have taken on a neurosis of excess. I feel I should have been able to do so much better."

Cantrell went on to reveal that she felt so terrible about boring her therapist, Kate Miller, by having so few real problems that she managed to become unhealthily obsessed with food, that she offered to pay her a higher hourly rate.

Miller, however, declined. "Boredom is part of my job," she said. "And eating disorders are actually a lot more interesting than some of the crap I have to listen to."

While Cantrell admits that it's a huge relief to have come clean with Kate about having such a mundane, utterly ordinary privileged-white-woman emotional problem, there is still one secret that she's holding back out of embarrassment that it's even more generic.

"I have body image issues," she said. "I can't bear to talk about that one just yet."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more