Trump offers San Francisco for Greenland, but only if Denmark apologizes

Written by joseph k winter

Friday, 23 August 2019

image for Trump offers San Francisco for Greenland, but only if Denmark apologizes
Mr. Trump: "Absurd is the last word that could be applied to this presidency"

Mr. Trump is now reported interested in exchanging San Francisco for Greenland, but there is a caveat attached.

First, according to WH press secretary, Stephanie Grisham, if Denmark has some reservations on acquiring San Francisco, the US is willing to take a further step.

That is, the 25,000 homeless in the region can be located to several wrecking yards, where they can take up housing in abandoned vehicles.

Porta-potties can be supplied at these locations, and the homeless population given work at minimum wage cleaning the streets of San Francisco.

This would mean current stains on sidewalks and near the entrances to major hotels will be removed, and the city rendered “sparkling clean,” Ms. Grisham added.

As well-known, San Francisco was in danger of becoming known as “Poop City” until this remarkable thinking from the President’s brain emerged.

The President is also reported considering a further offer, if the San Francisco deal somehow falls short.

That is, southern areas of California, Arizona, Texas, etc. could also be ceded to Denmark in exchange for Greenland (with significant additional cash from Denmark).

The beauty of this particular scheme is that Denmark would then be in charge of the immigrant problem, possibly including shipping immigrants to Denmark or somewhere.

Asked whether—given the enormous size of Greenland—the President would consider transferring the United States entire to Greenland (an isolationist’s dream), Mr. Trump’s eyes glowed.

But only for a moment.

“That could cause some problems with my re-election,” Mr. Trump opined. “You know, some folks might not want to leave the homeland, or resent being arrested and shipped there.”

However, Mr. Trump was firm on the one condition that absolutely had to be met before he would go ahead on any of these generous ideas emerging from his brain.

It would not be enough just for the Prime Minister of Denmark to apologize for having used “a terrible word” in response to his offer to buy Greenland.

That word was “absurd”, which Mr. Trump indicates should never have been applied to his far-ranging and beneficent ideas.

Not only Ms. Mette Frederickson would need to apologize, but Queen Margrethe II herself would need to publicly rebuke her prime minister for the error.

“This is not the way to speak to The President of the United States,” Press Secretary Grisham reiterated, “the most important man on the planet at this time.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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