Scientists claim to have found a link between the popular measles vaccine and the likelihood of contracting measles. According to studies by the University of Bern, children who did not receive the vaccine were more likely to get the disease later in life.
"The amazing thing is that it's not a minor correlation," said scientist Geoff Switzerland. "It's massive! None of the vaccinated children got measles. Really, we should be vaccinating everyone. It would be crazy not to."
However, some people were sceptical about the so-called science behind the study. Mother of two, Jeffeta Sausage, said, "These government stooges just want to inject our kids with poison, so that they can brainwash us. What do measles scientists know about measles anyway?"
Sausage has begun a campaign to ban vaccinations entirely, claiming they can cause everything from rickets to tooth decay. She added, "My cousin never got vaccinated against measles, but he ended up dying of AIDS. And his teeth fell out. Who's to say that wasn't caused by the measles vaccine? I'm never letting my family get vaccinated."