Harry Maguire Bookmakers' Favourite To Be UK Charts Christmas Number 1

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 11 August 2019

image for Harry Maguire Bookmakers' Favourite To Be UK Charts Christmas Number 1
Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are!

Harry Maguire, the new Manchester United signing who seems to be able to do just about anything everything he puts his hand to, has been made the bookmakers' favourite to reach number 1 in the UK charts at Christmas.

This is astonishing news - even to Maguire - for he can't sing to save his life!

Fern Hawkins, Harry's long-time girlfriend, said:

"It's comical, really. He sings in the shower, but it's pretty piss poor. In fact, it's enough to summon rain clouds!"

Maguire, 26, and weighing 100kg, disputed this. He said:

"I used to sing a bit at Bramall Lane with the boys, but, to be honest, it wasn't really what you'd call chart material."

Harry has been busy trying out potential songs for Christmas, but hasn't decided upon a final choice. This hasn't stopped suggestions pouring in from his millions of groupie followers.

One asked him to record the Bing Crosby hit, "I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas", whilst another wanted Wham's "Last Christmas".

Still others suggested the popular George Michael ditty, "I Want Your Sex".

A spokesman for leading bookmaker, Ruin Bookies, said:

"It doesn't matter. Harry Maguire's very popular at the moment. The bloke could sing 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star', and it'd go straight to number one!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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