Harry Maguire Says He Didn't Sign Last Season Because Jose Mourinho Was Manager

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 14 August 2019

image for Harry Maguire Says He Didn't Sign Last Season Because Jose Mourinho Was Manager
Maguire would rather have played underground, than under Mourinho

Manchester United central defender, Harry Maguire has revealed the real reason he didn't sign for the club a year ago, when Jose Mourinho was the Reds' boss: Jose Mourinho.

Maguire, 26, had been on the United radar for the last two summer breaks, but it wasn't until Mourinho had been sacked that Maguire thought seriously about a move to Old Trafford.

According to Harry:

"United are a great club, and any player's dream team to play for, but Mourinho is a different kettle of fish. He's a tosspot, and I've got no time for tosspots."

He said:

"I would rather have signed for Sheffield Wednesday than have signed for United under Mourinho, and that's saying something! In fact, I would rather have had a sex change than have signed for United under Mourinho."

Then he really got going.

"I would rather have worked down pit for 23 hours a day for fourpence ha'penny a month, than've signed for United under Mourinho. Indeed, if I'm really honest, I'd rather've lived in a shoe box int middle o'road, than've signed for United under Mourinho."

He paused for thought, then added:

"I'd rather have had Jo Brand sit on me face and fart, than've signed for United when Mourinho was the boss."

Asked why he has such an aversion to playing under the diminutive Portugeezer, Harry said:

"He thinks he knows everything, duntee? You cart tell him owt. I've got a big 'ead, but Mourinho is the king of the big'eads!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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