Lionel Messi Banned For Speaking The Truth About Corruption

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 3 August 2019

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There was only ever going to be one winner here

Lionel Messi, the Barcelona and Argentina footballer, has been banned from taking part in international matches for three months, for speaking the truth.

The ban, imposed by Conmebol, the South American Football Confederation, comes as a result of comments Messi, 32, made during the recent Copa America when he alleged that the game of football, referees, and those in charge were "corrupt", and that the tournament was being run so that Brazil could win.

"The competition," said Messi, "was fixed for Brazil."

An unnamed Conmebol official said:

"We understand the player's frustration, and reasons for saying what he did, but there are times that we have to accept these things and move on."

There was, he said, a certain code of conduct to be observed.

"A code of silence, in fact. Yes, we know that, in theory, anyone can beat anyone else, but Brazil are supported all over the world, and people want to see them win. There'd be little point in having, say, Chile win, or Uruguay, or, for heaven's sake, Honduras!"

Messi should learn to control his emotions, advised the official.

"There is a time and a place for everything, but this was neither. The time and the place to start telling the truth about corruption in football, is in the pub or the bar whilst getting blathered with your friends some time later, when it can be passed off as the beer talking."

The incident has similarities with the 2014 FA Cup final between Arsenal and Hull City, when, with Arsenal leading 3-2, and with a full SEVEN minutes of extra time remaining, the official engraver could be seen etching Arsenal's name onto the trophy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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