President Trump Orders NRA To Ban Sales Of Guns On Weekends

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 10 August 2019

image for President Trump Orders NRA To Ban Sales Of Guns On Weekends
Come back on Monday, son

There was 'light at the end of the tunnel' for those hoping for gun reform this evening, when President Donald Trump issued an executive order via Twitter, that "sales of weapons, to certain kinds of people, should not happen on the weekend."

"This doesn't just mean THIS weekend, but EVERY weekend," he tweeted.

This follows more rapid-fire shenanigans in the past few days, and highlights the indisputable evidence that a large number of mass shootings have taken place on either a Saturday or a Sunday.

Trump claims to given the matter "a lot of thought", and believes the ban, ratified by himself, with immediate effect:

"will help to stop so many innocent men, women and children from dying unnecessarily in shooting sprees carried out by those who are angry at something or other."

As part of the ban, weapons are now forbidden to be sold on a Saturday or Sunday, to people who appear angry, 'on edge', agitated, irritable, tetchy, furious, livid, or foaming at the mouth.

Trump also stressed that, although many mass killings do, in fact, take place on Saturdays or Sundays, murder bloodbaths are also possible during the week, and people should remain vigilant. He finished by saying:

"Many mass shootings have happened on the weekend, and I, Donald Trump, the President of the United States of America, have decided to halt this trend by putting a stop to the sales of guns to all nutjobs on the weekend."

America breathed a sigh of relief.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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