There were 252 spoof news stories published in August 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Harry Maguire Says He Didn't Sign Last Season Because Jose Mourinho Was Manager
Manchester United central defender, Harry Maguire has revealed the real reason he didn't sign for the club a year ago, when Jose Mourinho was the Reds' boss: Jose Mourinho. Maguire, 26, had been on the United radar for the last two summer breaks,…
Read full storyManchester United Give Harry Maguire Captain's Armband
Harry Maguire, the fresh-faced, good-looking golden boy of English football, signed by Manchester United for £80million from Leicester City on Monday, is to be given the Old Trafford captain's armband as a gesture of just how valuable an asset the cl...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Involved In Strange Incident Before Match On Sunday
Manchester United's £80million defender, Harry Maguire, has revealed details of a strange incident in the changing room before Sunday's Premier League opener against Chelsea, when the star's head was too big to fit through the headhole in his shirt.
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Take All Manchester United Penalties From Now On
Manchester United boss, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer revealed last night that, after Marcus Rashford's penalty blunder against Crystal Palace yesterday, and Paul Pogba's earlier miss against Wolves, that £80million newboy Harry Maguire will take all the Reds...
Read full storyManchester United Manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Head Is Getting Smaller
Rumours are rife around Old Trafford this morning, as speculation rises that Manchester United coach Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's head is getting smaller. Solskjaer was photographed alongside new signing, £80million former Sheffield United, Hull City an...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Has Had 'Second Thoughts' About Manchester United
Having previously told news reporters he would never sign for Premier League football giants Manchester United because he hated them, Harry Maguire has now had 'second thoughts', and signed for the Reds on Monday, for a ridiculous £97million. Magu...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Buy Some New Football Boots
Harry Maguire, the fresh-faced, good-looking golden boy of English football, who signed for Manchester United for £80million from Leicester City on Monday, says he might buy some new football boots, as a special treat to himself for becoming the most...
Read full storySadio Mané Can't Stand Mo Salah Anymore
There's trouble brewing in the Anfield dressing room tonight, after Liverpool's Sadio Mané told striking partner, Mo Salah, that he is so angry with the Egyptian, that he no longer regards him as a friend, and doesn't want to talk to him anymore.
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Meet President Donald Trump
White House sources say that President Donald Trump is to hold conference talks with new Manchester United signing, fresh-faced, good-looking golden boy, and 'brick shithouse', Harry Maguire. The pair will talk on a variety of issues, including f...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Given Go-ahead To Stay In Bed Late On Monday Morning
Harry Maguire, the new pin-up boy of football, who signed for Manchester United for £80million from Leicester City last Monday, made his debut at Old Trafford against Chelsea this afternoon, and has received the go-ahead from manager Ole Gunnar Solsk...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Signs Affidavit Not To Let Jamie Vardy Score On September 14th
New Manchester United defender, Harry Maguire, who signed for the Reds from Leicester City for £80million on Monday, has signed a second legal document, an affidavit with the club's solicitors affirming that, when his new club meet his old club at Ol...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Save Bolton And Bury
The futures of the two football clubs under threat of expulsion from the Football League due to financial reasons, Bury F.C. and Bolton Wanderers, are secure tonight, after Manchester United's record £80million defender Harry Maguire stepped in to gu...
Read full storyHarry Maguire's Mam To Meet Her Majesty The Queen
There was rejoicing in South Yorkshire this afternoon, when the new Manchester United signing, Harry Maguire, broke the news to his dear old mam, that she had been invited to tea with Her Majesty the Queen. Maguire completed his move from Leiceste...
Read full storyHarry Maguire The Victim Of Sliding Tackle Near Manchester Arndale Centre
There was controversy in Manchester's main shopping area yesterday afternoon, when United's new £80million signing, central defender, Harry Maguire, was the victim of a mindless attack from a member of the general public who approached the player at...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Inspiration Behind Re-release Of Sham 69 Single 'Hurry Up, Harry'
Punk rockers, Sham 69, are to honour the world record (for a defender) signing by Manchester United of former Sheffield United, Hull City and Leicester City defender Harry Maguire by re-releasing 'Hurry Up, Harry', their 1978 hit single. Maguire h...
Read full storyTrump Insists That the Next G7 Conference Be Held at His Place
Biarritz, France In an announcement that surprised no one, President Donald Trump wants to hold next year's conference at one of his clubs in Florida. "Everyone will be happy. We have waiters that don't bathe to wait on the French, we've got spott...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Now More Popular Than Harry Potter, Google Search Reveals
Harry Maguire, the fresh-faced, good-looking, record-breaking £80million Manchester United defender, is now even more popular than Harry Potter, a Google search has revealed. The little-lad magician has been the most popular 'Harry' for decades, b...
Read full storyFans Say Billie Eilish Sounds Like Lorde
Billie Eilish is one of today’s top pop music idols. But she has been dogged by accusations that she sounds a lot like Lorde. Eilish has even recorded a song on the subject, “Wish I Weren’t Just Like You.” But she hasn’t spoken publicly on the subjec...
Read full storyLionel Messi Banned For Speaking The Truth About Corruption
Lionel Messi, the Barcelona and Argentina footballer, has been banned from taking part in international matches for three months, for speaking the truth. The ban, imposed by Conmebol, the South American Football Confederation, comes as a result of...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Bookmakers' Favourite To Be UK Charts Christmas Number 1
Harry Maguire, the new Manchester United signing who seems to be able to do just about anything everything he puts his hand to, has been made the bookmakers' favourite to reach number 1 in the UK charts at Christmas. This is astonishing news - eve...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Star As The Next James Bond
The world of British entertainment cheered in unison last night when it was announced that Harry Maguire, the new Manchester United central defender will be the next James Bond. Maguire will replace Daniel Craig, who has been Bond four times, the...
Read full storyNew Labour Party Slogan unveiled -"There but not involved"
The Labour Party today announced the new slogan that they keep on braying about at every available opportunity in their attempt to bully Parliament into holding a general election that no one except themselves wants. The new slogan is based on the...
Read full storyStatue of Liberty poem to be re-written as part of new immigrant program
A new "Public Charge Rule" is now in effect, emphasizing "immigrant self-sufficiency and responsibility." To this purpose, various services for needy immigrants will be abolished. Medicaid, food stamps, and housing vouchers fall into this bail...
Read full storyTrump Will Publish New Book, "Art of the Steal"
Mar-A-Lago, FL "Well, it looks like people really admire my business acumen since they elected me President even though I've lost a billion dollars. So I've taken some time off from my grueling job as President to have a ghostwriter pen me a new book...
Read full storyPeter Schmeichel Says Harry Maguire Is The Best Keeper In The World Right Now
Former Manchester United 'custodian of the net', Peter Schmeichel, has said that the club's recent £80million signing of Harry Maguire was a shrewd move, as the former Sheffield United, Hull City and Leicester City player is the best goalkeeper in th...
Read full storyUK citizenship tests getting harder
For years, the Conservative government in the UK has tried unsuccessfully to lower the immigration rate. Now they have a new plan to try to reduce the numbers of Johnny foreigners coming onto our sacred but mucky soil. In an effort to scare away a...
Read full storyPaul Pogba Misses Another Penalty
Paul Pogba, the Manchester United star who, after his penalty miss at Wolves the other night, was subjected to a hail of racist comments from people calling themselves United 'fans', has now become the subject of intense media speculation which is cl...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Read The News At Ten
Harry Maguire, the one-time Hull City carthorse who earler this week signed for Manchester United from Leicester City, is a popular man. He's also extremely handsome. And muscular. That's the reason behind the BBC's decision to ask the £80milli...
Read full storyIs Gareth Bale On His Way To Hull City?
Gareth Bale, the Real Madrid and Wales footballer, who has fallen out of favour at the Bernabeu Stadium, may have found the ideal club with which to play out the rest of his career - Hull City. Bale, 30, is a man who knows what he likes, and he li...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Push Some Buttons On The Hadron Collider
Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, has announced he will be flying to Geneva next week, to travel to Cern where scientists continue to work on the Hadron Collider, a big machine with which they are attempting to recreate the condi...
Read full story"This Little Piggy:" What Really Happened to the Little Piggies
The nursery rhyme we grew up with - "This Little Piggy" - was one we enjoyed as children. But on reflection, the tale leaves much unexplained . For a refresher, here's the rhyme in its entirety: This little piggy went to market, This little pig...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Clear Up Brexit Mess
Harry Maguire, Manchester United's new central defender who signed for the Reds from Leicester City on Monday for £80million, is to enter the world of politics. His first job will be to clear up the Brexit mess. Maguire has no political affilia...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Upset At Way Social Media Tossers Keep Spelling His Name Wrong
Harry Maguire, the central defender signed by Manchester United from Leicester City only last week, has spoken out against the countless thousands of people using social media who will insist on spelling his surname incorrectly. Maguire, who cost...
Read full storyScunthorpe Finally Bows To Namechange Pressure
An industrial town in north Lincolnshire has finally succumbed to pressure from residents to undergo a namechange after thousands of local people petitioned the government council to get rid of the 'cunt' from Scunthorpe. Placenames often change...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Is Sick And Tired Of All The Stupid Made-up Stories About Him
Manchester United's new £80million star, Harry Maguire, has said he is absolutely "fed up to the back teeth" of all the stories about him circulating on the internet, in which there is absolutely no truth whatsoever. Maguire, 26, signed for United...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Anonymous In Manchester United's Draw With Southampton
Harry Maguire, Manchester United's £80million central defender who has received extensive media coverage recently, was almost anonymous in his side's 1-1 draw with Southampton this afternoon, and wasn't even mentioned in the BBC Sport match report I...
Read full storyHarry Maguire: Manchester United to Trade, Sell Him to Los Angeles Galaxy?
Carson, CA. Exclusive to The Spoof. This city, the home of the Los Angeles Galaxy, is abuzz with rumors that soccer great Harry Maguire, the centre back recently acquired by Manchester United, will be sold or traded to the American soccer championshi...
Read full storyDon't Forget To Set Your Clocks Back One Hour, Then Ahead One Hour
Daylights Wasting Time is upon us. Tomorrow morning at precisely 2 a.m., set your clocks back to 1 a.m. Then, wait an hour for it to turn 2 a.m. again. This time, set the clock ahead one hour to 3 a.m. And that's it. You're all set. You won't h...
Read full storyTrump Admits to Being a Racist but Not Nearly as Much So as Those NASCAR Drivers
Pushing back against allegations that he is a racist, United States president, Donald Trump, stated that while he may have some racist tendencies when it comes to driving, he doesn't even come close to "those NASCAR drivers." "Granted, l like a li...
Read full storyTrump Chastises Scientists For Never Agreeing With Him
Science Town, USA President Donald Trump has spoken out against scientists in his latest statement. He is mad because none of the scientists would validate or verify all the things he made up. "That Danish lady trying to tell me that crazy wind p...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Speaks Out On Amazon Rainforest Fires
The thousands of fires that are currently sweeping through the Amazon rainforests of Brazil are a global environmental catastrophe, and, offering his considered opinion on the subject, Manchester United newboy, Harry Maguire, has said the whole fiasc...
Read full storyIce Cream Van Played 'Match Of The Day' Theme
Residents sat up and took notice, whilst others peered from behind their twitching curtains yesterday afternoon, when an ice cream van started playing the theme tune from Match Of The Day over its loudspeaker. The unlikely incident took place on t...
Read full storyJames Blunt 'One Show' Performance Made Viewer's Ears Bleed
A song performed on BBC One's 'The One Show' by singer/songwriter, James Blunt, was so awful, it made one viewer's ears bleed. Blunt was appearing on the show hosted by Nick Grimshaw and Emma Willis on Friday evening, and, after talking alongside...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Is Going To Smash Prince Andrew's Face In, If He Sees Him
As the Jeffrey Epstein paedophile case rages on, even after the mysterious death of the former financier, Manchester United defender Harry Maguire Is rumoured to have said that he is so disgusted with Epstein's former friend, Prince Andrew, that he i...
Read full storyLow-Budget Ancestry Analysis Links Ryan Adams and Bryan Adams as Half-Brothers
Thanks to the miracles of modern-day ancestry analysis through specialty service www.BudgetBloodlines.web, musicians Bryan Adams of Canada, and Ryan Adams of the United States, were informed that they are half-brothers, related through their common f...
Read full storyHarry Maguire's Premier League Predictions
Football is well-and-truly back, and the Premier League kicks off this afternoon with fourteen of the twenty teams in action. That's seven-tenths, or, if you prefer, 70%! Manchester United fans will have to wait until tomorrow to see their expensi...
Read full storyTim the Forgetful Badger
Tim is a Forgetful Badger. Say hello, Tim. .... He forgot to say Hello. Tim went to the park with his friends. There was Geoffroy the Gerbil, Willy the Weasel, Sally the Stoat, and Friðþjófr the Frog. They played ball. Willy threw...
Read full storyTrump contemplates hostile takeover of Greenland
Despite the insistence of Greenland’s government that the semi-autonomous Danish territory is not for sale, President Donald Trump is pushing ahead with efforts to purchase Greenland with or without its approval. Describing the acquisition as “ess...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Arm Wrestle Noel Edmonds In Battle To Host 'Deal Or No Deal' Comeback
Harry Maguire, football's golden boy, who signed for Melchester United in an £80million deal last week, could be involved in another 'deal' soon, after Channel 4 announced the sensational comeback of the last truly great TV gameshow, 'Deal Or No Deal...
Read full storyWeather Forecast For Tomorrow
The extremely hot weather that's being enjoyed by the whole of the UK is set to continue during the first half of this week, but after that, it's going to be back to normal for most of us. Record temperatures have been the order of the day, along...
Read full storyTrump Complains about European Hurricane Model Showing Total Destruction of Only Mara Largo In Florida
An angry Donald Trump sent several Tweets this morning regarding a European hurricane model that seemed to show Hurricane Dorian targeting Mara Lago, the resort owned by Donald Trump in Florida. The model shows Dorian coming on shore and somehow...
Read full storyPrince Andrew’s Depleted Ukrainian Billionaire Chum Escorted From Balmoral
Balmoral, Scotland - (McHaggis Times): A bankrupt Ukrainian former yellowcake mining mogul has been sent packing from Balmoral Castle following a police raid on Grouse Cottage in the royal estate’s Muckadder slopes. Arkady Chernobylblastov, 69, ha...
Read full storyIn a display of righteous indignation, Trump slaps sanctions on Greenland for obstructing purchase of Denmark.
“I’ll get what I want to make America great again” said POTUS. “I have the right weapon,” he added, “to use against persons or countries who stand in my way-- Lethal Sanctions! Designed to bring whole nations to their knees. Look at what I have done...
Read full storyStevenage Shirt Looks Like Burger King Staff Uniform!
The football season is upon us again, and the big news from the lower leagues is on the topic of fashion! The new shirt to be worn during the 2019/20 football season by League Two side Stevenage F.C. is sure to have fans licking their lips in anti...
Read full storyPeaky Wankers
A school in Berwentwood On The Wolds has had an influx of Peaky Blinders-themed names as easily-influenced parents make daft choices and treat their kids as fashion accessories. The National Office of Statistics have admitted that the most popular...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Taking Up Too Much Column Space
There was controversy surrounding Manchester United's £80million newboy defender, Harry Maguire, this evening, when the player was adjudged by some people to have been taking up far too much column space in news pages, and to be 'hogging the limeligh...
Read full storyIs Hoffman La Roche Peaking Yet?
Geneva: This afternoon, drug manufacturer Hoffman La Roche, most notably famous for bringing the wildly popular pharmaceutical Lysergic acid diethylamide to market (we all know it as LSD, windowpane, double domes, etc.), announced the formation of a...
Read full storyUpper-Middle-Class White Woman Ashamed to Have Issue as Unoriginal as an Eating Disorder
After years of late-night bingeing on massive quantities of junk food followed by periods of extreme restriction, Amanda Cantrell of New York City finally came clean to her therapist that she hadn't managed to come up with an issue more original than...
Read full storyStudent Proves Theory That One Shouldn't Sit Behind Doors
A student sitting behind a classroom door yesterday, proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that sitting behind a door is an ill-judged thing to do which could cause injury, after classmates barged the door open, causing an injury. Moys Kenwood, the...
Read full storyTrump's Taco Tax to Fund Wall with Mexico
U.S. president, Donald Trump, and Mexican president, Manual Obrero announced a trade deal has been reached between the two neighboring countries. The agreement prevents a possible trade war and massive disruption in bi-lateral relations. Whether Co...
Read full storyBoris Johnson Has Got Crabs
British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, looked decidedly uncomfortable at the end of the G7 conference in Biarritz yesterday, as he scratched furiously at his crotch area, in what experts say was a determined effort to battle a colony of crabs that ha...
Read full storyTrump Will Run "The Apprentice" From the White House
Mar-A-Lago, FL President Donald Trump announced today that he will re-boot his old TV show, "The Apprentice," and it will be shot from the White House. On the new show, Trump will interview press secretaries, cabinet appointees, and any other of the...
Read full storyAliens On Way To Earth
Images captured by a NASA space monitoring satellite have confirmed that Earth is likely to come under attack from an alien strike force before the end of the century. The images show aliens advancing in formation at a very slow pace, indeed. Pres...
Read full storyWorld Leaders Try to Lose Disruptive Trump at G-7 Summit
Biarritz, France Tired of having President Trump interrupt all the other delegates, and talk for hours about himself and his "accomplishments," the rest of the G-7 delegates met at an unknown location to talk, without telling Trump where they would...
Read full storyKiss-a-thon at G-7 could lead to more sanctions and tariffs
The G-7 summit in Biarritz, France, over the weekend has led to increasing tensions in global economics. Particularly in play is a sensational moment involving Melania Trump and Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau. Photographs reveal Ms. Tr...
Read full storyDemocrats watching Dave for inspiration
Democrats in Washington are watching the political documentary, Dave, starring Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver for ideas before the next election. Brick Outhouse, a spokesman said 'We said we needed a good comedy to cheer ourselves up, and someon...
Read full storyScientists Still Looking for a Cure for Whatever It Is That Trump's Got
Science Town, USA "We knew it was going to be bad once we started looking into it" spoke a leading scientist at the most recent Science Convention. "Yes, but who would have thought it could be THIS bad--and it's spread to the whole family!" said...
Read full storyPossible link between measles vaccine and measles
Scientists claim to have found a link between the popular measles vaccine and the likelihood of contracting measles. According to studies by the University of Bern, children who did not receive the vaccine were more likely to get the disease later in...
Read full storyMoscow Mitch Doesn't like Being Called Moscow Mitch!
U.S. Senator Mitch McConnell this week complained about being labled "Moscow Mitch", based on his not allowing legislation to strengthen preventive measures against Russian interference in U.S. elections. Leningrad Lindsey Graham came to Moscow Mi...
Read full storyEpstein autopsy now official at "assisted suicide"
Although Barbara Sampson, New York's chief medical examiner, has announced the cause of Epstein's death as "pending", inside sources now say an official determination has been reached. Ms. Sampson stated that no single cause can as yet be determin...
Read full storyPresident Trump Orders NRA To Ban Sales Of Guns On Weekends
There was 'light at the end of the tunnel' for those hoping for gun reform this evening, when President Donald Trump issued an executive order via Twitter, that "sales of weapons, to certain kinds of people, should not happen on the weekend." "Thi...
Read full storyBoris Johnson Pisses Himself Under Questioning From Children
Prime Minister Boris Johnson came through another heated question-and-answer session this afternoon, as he faced a barrage of enquiries from a group of schoolchildren on his proposals to inject £14billion into education over the next three years.
Read full storyMan regrets betting his house on Poldark ending in a bloodbath
Chutney on the Fritz's local idiot, Gary Johnson, is beginning to regret betting his family home on historical documentary Poldark ending in a bloodbath. 'I was watching where they were building the school, in double-quick time, and just by the cl...
Read full storyIncreasing Number of Overweight Women Choosing Short Shorts
As the number of overweight women in the United States skyrockets, an increasing number of those women are making short shorts their garment of choice. "I really like the look," said Mandy Barnes of Nashville, Tennessee. "They're very unconfining,...
Read full storyPresident Trump Says Statistics Do Not Support Concerns Over Shopping Mall Mass Shootings
President Trump has said that Americans are "worrying unnecessarily" about guns, and says statistics prove they are not likely to die as a result of some nut shooting them down in a bloody killing spree in a shopping mall. The president's mind was...
Read full storySkeletor Opens Up About Eating Disorder
Eating disorders have been categorized by calloused individuals as first world problems. Anybody eager to dismiss the seriousness of an eating disorder has never known a person afflicted by the silent disease. Many powerful people have been kn...
Read full storyNext presidential debate to offer reverse format: Mr. Cooper you have thirty seconds
The commission on the current set of presidential debates has announced a new formula for the next encounter in September. Instead of news hosts grilling candidates, the candidates themselves will sit off to one side, with prominent news hosts in...
Read full storyGreenland Files For Restraining Order Against Donald Trump!
Denmark has filed in international court for an official restraining order against Donald Trump visiting or attempting to build any kind of "tower" in Greenland. "This restraining order prevents Donald Trump from coming within 500 miles of Greenla...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Debunked By Battlin' Bohunk From Beaver Crossing
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a fight touted to be a walkover for Harry Maguire, the “Battlin' Bohunk” from Beaver Crossing, the redoubtable Slim Everdingle, threw the fresh-faced, good-looking golden boy from Leicester City out of the ring in a winner-take...
Read full storyWife not looking forward to the next Star Wars film
Lorraine Johnson sat through space documentary The Last Jedi with her husband Gary, partly out of affection, but more because she was told that heart-throb actor Tom Hardy was in it. She now dreads sitting through The Rise of Skywalker when it is rel...
Read full storyTrump offers San Francisco for Greenland, but only if Denmark apologizes
Mr. Trump is now reported interested in exchanging San Francisco for Greenland, but there is a caveat attached. First, according to WH press secretary, Stephanie Grisham, if Denmark has some reservations on acquiring San Francisco, the US is willi...
Read full storyStorming Area 51...Not Such A Good Idea!
Hundreds of people that decided to jump the gun and storm the American base called Area 51 found out that trying to break in was probably a bad idea. 'Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us', a recently created Facebook event that was planned f...
Read full storyWedding Party Experience Left Nasty Taste In Woman's Mouth
A woman who was forced to eat something that she didn't like at a wedding party has said that she felt humiliated in front of the other guests, and that the whole experience has left a nasty taste in her mouth. Wendy O'Kooms, of Dublin, was attend...
Read full storyTrump nominated for Nobel Peace Prize, for saving the lives of ten million Afghans
Ten million could be the population count of most countries, and, as predicted, ten million could be wiped out in a week, or ten days at the most, including human collateral damage. This is a record wipe-out never before seen in the annals of US mili...
Read full storyOppenheimer Not What He Seems Scientists Say
In a shocking turn of events today that’s sure to shake the world the famous theoretical physicist and professor of physics at the University of California, Berkeley, J. Robert Oppenheimer, was discovered to never once have performed a sweet 180-kick...
Read full storyGreenland to Consider Entering The Witness Protection Program
In order to hide from the advances of Donald Trump, INTERPOL has discussed entering the country of Greenland into a witness protection program to hide the entire country from President Trump. "It has never been tried before, of course, but we feel...
Read full storyJeffrey Epstein 'Suicide' Is "Sketchy At Best", Says Criminal Network
The death in custody of financier, and alleged sex pest, Jeffrey Epstein, could not have happened completely by his own hand, according to the criminal underground. Epstein was found lifeless in his cell yesterday, and his corpse was rushed to a M...
Read full storyPrince Andrew Impassive Over Jeffrey Epstein Death
The death in his cell of suspected sex trafficker, Jeffrey Epstein, has had no visible effect whatsoever, on the affairs of Prince Andrew, it has been reported. Financier Epstein was being held in prison for offences he was alleged to have commit...
Read full storyAnti-Violence Legislators Switch Target from Guns to Knives
Sacramento, CA. Special to The Spoof. Frustrated in their attempt to outlaw firearms, the anti-gun crowd now has a new target. Liberal state legislators are honing a bill to ban a wide variety of knives, including some hallowed in American history.
Read full storyApple Unveils "Stop-Watch Legal Phone" for Lawyers
Silicon Valley, California. Apple's new "Stop-Watch Legal Phone" was rolled out today for its initial demonstration at the monthly meeting of the Silicon Valley Bar association. The attorneys present were ecstatic. The "Stop-Watch Legal Phone" is...
Read full storyPriti Patel Vows To Make Criminals Terrified Of The Law
New Home Secretary, Priti Patel, has said that criminals should be made "terrified of the law", and that she wants them to: "literally feel terror". Patel told anyone who would listen, that: "The Conservative Party is the party of law and or...
Read full storyChild Tells Noisy Dad To Turn His Music Down
A 56-year-old man listening to music upstairs in his home was the victim of his killjoy children yesterday, when one of them bawled at the top of her voice for him to turn the volume down. Moys Kenwood was 'giving it loads' whilst listening to 'Th...
Read full storyTrump Declares Himself King of the Jews
President Trump is doubling down on his stance toward Jewish voters. Last week, the president stirred controversy when he implied that Jews who vote Democrat are "disloyal." "I think any Jewish people that vote for a Democrat," he said, "I think it s...
Read full storyKing Boris Dismisses Parliament
New UK PM, Boris Johnson, has asked Parliament to dissolve, calling it "undemocratic and inconvenient". Instead he will rule as a new monarch, having also dissolved Queen Elizabeth II in a vat of acid. From now on, the PM will be known as King Bo...
Read full storyOutwardly Sympathetic Coworkers Privately Feel Woman Should Be Over Her Dead Cat by Now
Lucie Farrell received a great deal of sympathy from her coworkers immediately following the unexpected death of her 12-year-old feline companion, Luke, but after several weeks had passed, most of them agreed amongst themselves that she really ought...
Read full storyNashville Man Reluctantly Decides to Go Extinct
"I think it's the responsible thing to do," said Blake Tucker of Nashville, Tennessee, regarding his reluctant decision to go extinct. "The planet can't continue to support my existence. The Tucker line just isn't sustainable." The decision to go...
Read full storyPeople Who Would Beat Trump if the 2020 Election Were Held Today
Ever since President Trump's dimwitted appearance at the G7 Conference, his popularity has been dwindling in the United States, and has hit rock bottom in the rest of the world. In the absence of a Republican candidate to challenge Trump, polls in...
Read full storyMexico Demands Wall Be Built In Aftermath Of El Paso Shootings
Sources close to the government in Mexico are saying that Mexican residents living close to the US border at El Paso are demanding that the wall US president Donald Trump has talked about building for so long, be built as soon as is humanly possible.
Read full storyWashington Post Explains that Owner Jeff Bezos Generously Allows Reporters to Act Fully Independently
Railing against suggestions by presidential candidate Bernie Sanders that its reporting might be biased by its ownership by Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, Washington Post editor, Marty Baron, explained that Bezos generously allows Post journalists to operate...
Read full storyPope Raises $$$s Selling Carbon Offset Indulgences
Rome, Italy - The Pope is reportedly making a bomb on the Vatican website through selling carbon offset indulgences to jet-setting eco celebs. These include voluntary donations to a holy carbon capture fund which guarantees safe RIPs to heaven in...
Read full storyJeffrey Epstein 'Suicide Watch' Explained
Following intense criticism of the US prison authorities for allowing disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein to take his own life in his cell, even after having been on a Suicide Watch, the warden at the facility has spoken out to explain what a 'Suicid...
Read full story