Comic Book Characters Too Macho for Disney

Funny story written by Doubting Thomas

Sunday, 1 September 2019

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If, like me, you grew up in the 1960s or 1970s, you will be familiar with comics. Lying on your tummy and reading about superheroes was a weekly event. Sadly hollywood is going woke and ruining even American favourites. Here's a few of my heroes who will never get turned into a movie. Obviously, they display too much testosterone or patriarchy.

1. Ro-Jaws & Hammerstein. Early favourites in the comic 2000AD. Loosely based on the British actors Dennis Waterman and Windsor Davis.They were robots, one a trash compactor and the other a war droid. You definitely had to be on something back then.

2. DR & Quinch. Two college students who happen to love violence, sex, drugs and nuclear weapons. Another 2000AD favourite from the twisted minds of Alan Moore and his equally deranged sidekick Alan Davis. Think Blues Brothers, but with aliens.

3. The Stainless Steel Rat. Originally a series of comedy/sci-fi novels by the late great Harry Harrison. After Hollywood ruined his novel and turned it into "Soylent Green", he swore that they would never get their grubby mitts on his work again. And who can blame him, given the utter shite we get now?

4. Slaine. A mad Scottish twat with a big fuck off sword. Strangely, a lot of early artwork and stories were done by a man and wife team, and the Mrs had editorial control. Obviously not good enough for the SJW crowd. A man in a skirt - whatever next?

5 Rogue Trooper. Another 2000AD favourite. He's big, bad and blue. He also talks to his gun, which is somewhat disturbing when it answers back. Think Avatar, but with field artillery. Make Nu-Earth Great Again!

And finally, my favourite:

Strontium Dog. A time-traveling mutant bounty hunter who occasionally brings people back alive, but prefers to kill them. His partner and best friend is an old viking who has a rather unnatural relationship with a big axe.

No symbolism there then....

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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