The well known and loved children's program "Fireman Sam" has been cancelled by the BBC on the grounds that nobody outside the M25 understands it.
"He never drinks a soya latte, and doesn't know what quinoia is," claimed a lesbian from the BBC.
Another claimed that "Honesty, humour, bravery or selflessness are sure signs of male patriarchy."
In questioning, the BBC have admitted that Fireman Sam represents a third world country that is entirely fictional, and in no way represents the people of "Outside London".
In an off-the-record interview, a BBC insider has admitted:
"He's a strong, white male character, so, of course, the BBC cannot allow this to continue. He also speaks a language with no fucking vowels in it, so who gives a shit?"
Many of the actors involved have admitted "Hey, we'll dye our skin, have sex changes or saw limbs off, but the BBC aren't interested. It's really unfair to blame people because we have a Welsh accent."
When quizzed about this bizarre decision, the BBC simply stated:
"Fuck you. Pay up or we'll send the bully boys round."