Tom Brady to Retire!
Boston, Mass. In a stunning announcement the New England Patriots revealed that famed and long-time Patriots quarterback Tom Brady will retire minutes before the kickoff at the season opening game with the Pittsburgh Steelers here Sunday night. Fo...Read full story
Santa Claus Targeted by Right-Wing Militia Group
At approximately 9AM eastern time this morning, the right-wing militia group "Defenders of Freedom, Liberty, and Other Things That Sound Patriotic" (or DFLOTTSP) threatened a popular holiday figure. According to a statement made by The DFL...Read full story
So Boom, Boom Johnson Is About To Be Booted Out As Prime Minister Of The United Kingdom
They are calling Boris Johnson, a David Cameron with a spine, but without a brain. If the two could get together in a Vita-Mix and blend for three to five minutes, one still couldn’t produce a Winston Churchill. Adding a cigar and a brandy again woul...Read full story
Father of six falls asleep at work
Barry Eckingtwhaite, from Basingstoke, was filmed sleeping during a heavy-duty meeting about urinal cakes. The meeting that lasted for more than an hour involved little more than an argument, and Mavis from accounts being asked to find three quotes.Read full story
Trump Promises Border Wall, Democrats Promise to Remove Wall--Unemployment Permanently Ended
In a rare moment of bi-partisanship, Republicans and Democrats are united and their new found unity will have major implications for immigration policy and the U.S. labor market. According to Shiv Aalok, White House Minister of Truth, Democrat House...Read full story
Vegan Animal Rights Activists Accused of Subverting "Live and Let Live" to Promote Their Own Selfish Agenda
Long considered an advisement to allow others to do as they please regardless of consequences, the slogan "live and let live" was recently employed by a group of animal rights activists who exhorted humans to eat only plants and let other animals liv...Read full story
International Peace Marathon in Washington DC to feature participation of National Security Adviser as IRAN.
National Security Adviser John Bolton dropped a bombshell in the White House War Room, when he declared that he had an Epiphany that lasted several hours through a sleep-deprived night. “I’ve been itching to drop a bombshell on you-know-whom in t...Read full story
The Billionaires Of The World Record a Remake Of Micheal Jackson's 'We Are The World'.
The Billionaires Of The World Record a Remake Of Micheal Jackson's 'We Are The World'. (A Very Different Version) Mark Zuckerberg had a brainstorm one evening. A fervent brainstorm. One so strong that he called all the other top billionaires in...Read full story
Queen Mother's mummified stool sold for $9 million
A perfectly preserved stool believed to have been evacuated by Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother, during the war, has been sold at Sotheby's auction house in London to a private American buyer for a cool 7 million dollars. The 7-inch, 14-ounce roc...Read full story
Manuel Neuer joins Bayern attacking line
Yesterday, Neuer announced that he would be joining the Bayern attacking line, with 2nd keeper Christian Früchtl becoming the first-team keeper. Sven Ulreich has left Bayern for 1 year to join Pewidiepie in his latest Minecraft Movie. He will be acti...Read full story