Harry Maguire Speaks Out About 9/11

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 11 September 2019

image for Harry Maguire Speaks Out About 9/11
Sheffield, where only 2% of residents live in houses

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, has spoken out on what he says was one of the most memorable days of his life - September 11, 2001, the day of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks.

Sheffield-born Maguire, now 26, was only 8 years old at the time, and events taking place in New York were to have a profound effect on young Jacob, as he was known then.

"Ah weronny 8, an ard bin dahn shops wimmee mam," said Maguire, remembering the fateful day, "an wid bought some Sugar Puffs fr'uz tea. Wid jus gorin, an me dad sed 'the bluddy Arabs've gonnan dunnit nah', an iwer pointin at telly."

The twin towers, similar to the ones all over Sheffield where uncountable numbers of poverty-stricken families are housed with little hope of escape, had begun their journey into the history books, black smoke billowing into the Manhattan skyline, and beyond.

Young Jacob watched transfixed, then said to his father:

"It lux alot lark them 'Erdings, duntit, Dad?"

"Ar," said Maguire Snr. "Thee ort tapull them buggers down an'all."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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