Harry Maguire Is Going To Teach Those Cockney Bastards, West Ham, A Lesson

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 21 September 2019

image for Harry Maguire Is Going To Teach Those Cockney Bastards, West Ham, A Lesson
Harry wasn't born when the Cockney Rejects were popular

As Manchester United get ready for their important Premier League clash with West Ham United at Upton Park tomorrow (kick-off 2:00pm), centre-half Harry Maguire has spoken to reporters ahead of the game, warning the Hammers that, if they trifle with him, he will teach them a lesson they'll never forget, the Cockney bastards.

Maguire is back in the starting line-up after spending the match against FC Astana on the bench, and he is raring to go.

He said:

"I hate West Ham. I hate their kit, and I hate their fans. I even hate their stadium. Being from Yorkshire, I hate Londoners, in general, but West Ham and their fans really take some some beatings. At least, that was what a Millwall friend of mine told me!"

This will be the first time Maguire has faced West Ham in a United shirt. He has vowed to score a hatrick, and raged:

"I hate the Cockney Rejects, and I especially hate that Jeff Geggus. I hate 'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles', I hate Alf Garnett and Ray Winstone, and I detest Trevor Brooking and James Corden. To cap everything off, I hate both Frank Lampards."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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