Health-Conscious Trucker Starts Smoking Standing Up

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 23 September 2019

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If sitting is the new smoking, then standing up is the new non-smoking - and Henry Larkins manages both at once.

Heeding warnings that sitting is the new smoking, Henry Larkins,, a long-distance truck driver living in Nashville, Tennessee, ditched his habit of smoking cigarettes while sitting on his back porch and now instead smokes while standing up.

"I know smoking itself is probably not too good for me, " said Larkins, "but I figure not sitting balances it out. I'm in no rush to get lung cancer."

Larkins noted, too, that if sitting is the new smoking, then standing up is the new non-smoking - and he manages to do both at once.

"I'm a man of paradoxes, I guess," he said.

While he is committed to protecting his health, sticking with his new healthy habit hasn't been easy, said Larkins. As a long-haul trucker who spends weeks on end gazing out from the front seat of his 18-wheeler at miles and miles of highway, Larkins says he used to cherish those precious moments he got to spend at home on his back porch, lounging back in his wooden deck chair, enjoying some smokes as he watched the sun set over the woods behind his house.

"What can you do, though?" he said with a philosophical shrug. "It's worth giving up a little now to get a whole lot later. Big picture thinking, they call it."

He chuckled. "Don't tell anyone I said that, please. They might start considering me a grownup."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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