Tropical Storm Humberto has gained strength overnight, and is likely to be reclassified as a hurricane this morning, according to a tweet posted just minutes ago by President Donald Trump.
Mr Trump also stated that Hurricane Humberto would be a danger to young girls.
Particularly precocious 12-year-old girls.
The storm is currently loitering about 100 miles north of the Bahamas, and is being monitored by weather analysts all along the eastern seabord.
Trump said that Humberto's specific intentions are unclear, but they are certainly not honorable, and young, impressionable girls age 10 to 16 are being asked to stay at home with their parents, behind locked doors, and preferably in the basement, so that violation from this monster cannot occur.
They should definitely not parade around the house in their panties, for this would almost certainly raise the likelihood of Humberto becoming even more dangerous, possibly up to a Category 10 hurricane, requiring him to be renamed, yet again, as Humberto Humberto.