Harry Maguire To 'Go Commando' Against Leicester On Saturday

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 11 September 2019

image for Harry Maguire To 'Go Commando' Against Leicester On Saturday
An early photo of Harry Maguire, aged 8, going commando

Manchester United's £80million pin-up boy defender, Harry Maguire, is ready to set the Premier League alight, after vowing last night that he will 'go commando' for Saturday's match against his former club, Leicester City at Old Trafford.

Women everywhere were already in a serious state of agitation by this morning, and there have been thousands of enquiries at the United ticket office for seats close to the touchline.

Maguire, 26, said that, as a tribute to his former Filbert Street colleagues, he will take to the pitch "completely without underpants", and has warned fans that they should not be surprised to see a pair of hairy testicles swinging back and forth as he lunges into sliding tackles.

It's not the first time a United player has gone commando. George Best regularly used to forget to put his underpants on, particularly after a decent round of Friday night cocktails, and Cristiano Ronaldo often played with a hard-on, especially when partnering Wayne Rooney up front.

Goalkeeper, Alex Stepney, in contrast, often played in thermals.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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